A somewhat delayed sigh for today’s dad joke. I’ll take it.
Why is the artichoke the most emotional vegetable?
Because it has a big heart.
Hit it out of the park this evening. I was making some chimichurri kebabs, and it came to me. (Not to them—yet—but give it time.)
Why was the meat so afraid?
Because it was chicken! 🍗
“I like it!” You hear that, people? That’s vindication of my comedic delivery of this oldie but goodie.
A mushroom walks into a restaurant.
The host says, “we don’t let mushrooms come in here.”
The mushroom replies, “but why? I’m a fungi!”
🍄
Bringing the comedy on the #FourthofJuly. This one got a genuine, affirmative, 100% unadulterated laugh, I swear.
Why do ducks choose such bad doctors?
They like quacks! 🦆
Tried this one this evening. Not much reaction, but I'll wait a few years until they have a greater appreciation of physics (and my comedic inspiration).
Why do people not invite atoms to their parties?
Because the atoms find it really hard to split!
Back in comedic action today. Kids split on this joke, and you round up in the joke-teller’s favor, so it’s a win.
What does a hammer say when it does a good job? Nailed it! 🔨
My daughter turned the tables with a daughter joke! Most unexpected.
What’s the smartest animal in a reef?
Brain coral!
And I genuinely laughed. Chip off the old block, I’d say. 😃❤️
Tables turned again! She came back with this joke, which she wrote down to ensure she could focus on the delivery. Good stuff! 🐸 🐜
A dad joke befitting the Christmas season.
It was raining hard everywhere. Mrs. Santa was worried. She asked Santa, "are you sure you'll be able to deliver presents to all the kids around the world?" Santa replied, "Of course! They're called REINdeer, you know."
🎅🤶🛷🦌🌧️🎄
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Wow! @NobelPrize in Economics goes to Paul Milgrom and Robert Wilson, whose “best-known contribution is the auction they designed the first time the US authorities [the @FCC!] sold radio frequencies to telecom operators.” Very well-deserved recognition. nobelprize.org/prizes/economi…
For years, the @FCC allocated frequencies using what were called “beauty contests.” Applicants would lobby the agency on why their proposal was superior and merited a license. Highly inefficient, no revenue to @USTreasury, and companies “spent huge amounts of money on lobbying.”
In 1959, Ronald Coase wrote a seminal paper called, appropriately, “The Federal Communications Commission.” He identified numerous flaws in the centrally-planned approach to spectrum allocation and proposed that the @FCC assign spectrum instead through auctions.
BREAKING NEWS: The @FCC has designated #Huawei and #ZTE as companies posing a national security threat to the United States. As a result, telecom companies cannot use money from our $8.3B Universal Service Fund on equipment or services produced or provided by these suppliers. 1/5
In making this decision, @FCC took into account input from Congress, Executive Branch, intelligence community, allies, and communications service providers. Overwhelming weight of evidence supported designation of Huawei and ZTE as national security risks to U.S. networks. 2/4
Both Huawei and ZTE have close ties to the Chinese Communist Party and China’s military apparatus. And both companies are broadly subject to Chinese law, which obligates them to cooperate with the country’s intelligence services. 3/4
“Chinese internet giant Tencent has reportedly been surveilling content posted by foreign users on its wildly popular messaging service WeChat in order to help it refine censorship on its platform at home.“ — @CNBC@ArjunKharpal
"YouTube is automatically deleting comments that contain certain Chinese-language phrases [like '共匪' or '五毛'] related to criticism of the country’s ruling Communist Party (CCP)."
Pleased to announce key changes to @FCC's Rural Health Care and #ERate programs that'll make it easier for broadband providers to support #telehealth and #remotelearning. These services are more critical than ever given the #coronavirus pandemic. 1/4
Specifically, the #FCC has waived the gift rules until August 30, 2020 to enable service providers to offer, and RHC/#ERate program participants to solicit and accept, improved connections or additional equipment for #telemedicine or #remotelearning during this pandemic. 2/4
This waiver will let health care providers, schools, and libraries accept improved capacity, #WiFi hotspots, networking gear, or other equipment or services to support doctors and patients, teachers and students, and librarians and patrons during the #coronavirus outbreak. 3/4
“Quite simply, you don’t get to do business in China today without doing exactly what the Chinese government wants you to do. Period. No one is immune. No one.” — former Apple exec in @supchinanews.
#Huawei "funded a @Cambridge_Uni college study on global governance reforms in communications and technology" and a Cambridge forum, and "[t]he forum led to a white paper, published online this week, that referred favourably to Huawei."
“The action taken against [@joshchin@Chao_Deng@PhilipWen11] is an extreme and obvious attempt by the Chinese authorities to intimidate foreign news organizations by taking retribution against their China-based correspondents”—@fccchina.
China's embassy in Denmark called a cartoon "an insult to China" and demanded paper/cartoonist "publicly apologise to the Chinese people." Danish Prime Minister's response to China: "we have freedom of expression in Denmark—also to draw."
"The disclosure of his speech indicates top leaders knew about the [#coronavirus] outbreak’s potential severity at least two weeks before such dangers were made known to the public."
“Quite simply, you don’t get to do business in China today without doing exactly what the Chinese government wants you to do. Period. No one is immune. No one.” — former Apple exec in @supchinanews.