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In order to build up the traction for my inevitable OnlyFans page heres a list of:
SEX WITH WELSH ROYALTY, an ongoing thread.
NSFW!!!! I would apologise but you've all known this was coming and still chose to follow me
(This is how I *choose* to spend my time...concerning🤔)
Starting with the bigguns
1. Llywelyn ap Gryffudd.
Missionary. Curtains closed and only when the rest of the court is asleep. He's a bit shy is Llywelyn. He's only really got the one move but he's nailed it (giggity). Go to him if you want a nice time and amazing cwtshes after
2. Llywelyn ap Iorwerth.
Doggy. Complete opposite to his grandson (is that a weird thing to say? I don't care). Lights on. Mirrors around the bed so he can flex his deceptively muscular dad bod and twirl his moustache. Face down, arse up that's the way he likes to fuck!
3. Glyndwr.
Reverse cowgirl. He spends most of his time completely stressed and in charge so he just likes to lay back and let you do the work. He's there to enjoy. Reversed so he doesn't have to see your face and can picture his one true love: Cymru.
4. Gwenllian ferch Gruffudd.
She's pegging you. Hard. If you're a guy you're wearing a jockstrap so she doesn't have to look at your junk that could never compete with hers. Eye contact the whole time. It hot but uncomfortable
5. Dafydd ap Gruffudd.
He doesn't care what position so long as you're wearing a mask of his face. Preferably outdoors. Expect a lot of angry kissing. Can't finish unless you place your lips against his ear and whisper "Youre so much hotter than your brother". Weird
6. Gruffudd ap Llywelyn ap Seisyll.
Piledriver. Its uncomfortable for both of you and hell on your core but he doesn't care. He's not there to enjoy. He just wants to pound something into the ground. When he's done don't expect so much as a "bye" let alone help finishing. Selfish
7. Dafydd ap Llywelyn Fawr.
Standing. Up against a wall. Only does quickies. He's a very busy man. Its not the most comfortable but you will enjoy. It will end with him having a coughing fit but you don't mind too much because he did his damn best and he'll treat you to breakfast
8. Gwenllian ferch Llywelyn ein Llew Olaf.
She's in holy orders you dirty fucks! But missionary, in the dark, through a hole in the bedsheets leaving plenty of room for the Holy Spirit. Afterwards there will be shame and recrimination aplenty.
9. Gruffudd ap Rhys.
Gets off on his wife's pegging exploits. Real dirty talker. WILL call you a slut whether you like it or not. Up against a tree or on the forest floor like a pair of animals. Expect a lot of grunting. You will end up filthy and ashamed but my god did you enjoy
10. Gwenwynwyn ab Owain.
Wheelbarrow. Gives him a chance to show off his biceps. Really into muscle worship. Its over before you really got started but he will at least watch as you finish. As he leaves he'll chuck some money at you just so you know exactly where you stand. Prick
11. Siwan/Joan.
Matron in the streets, monster in the sheets. She'll break your pelvis and your bed and you'll thank her for it. Then she'll fuck your best friend and you'll be mad but she's so good you'll forgive her after a while
12. Gruffudd ap Cynan.
Spread eagle, handcuffed to bed corners. Prefers it being pilloried.
Spent so long imprisoned that it's the only way he can get off. Lies back and let's you go to town. Pretends he doesn't like a finger up the bum but he's lying. Safe word is 'pili-pala'
13. Nest ferch Rhys
Doesn't care. She's not there to participate. She's there to be adored. Beautiful and knows it and knows you do too. You're privileged to even look at her so if you expect her to do any work think again idiot. Leaves one delicate lovebite as her calling card
14. Gerald of Wales.
"I'm a man of God!" he cries, looking awkwardly around before dry humping your thigh through his cassock. The unpleasantness only ends when you call him "Your Grace, Archbishop of Saint Davids". Expect a full hour of post sex crying and blame
15. Llywelyn Bren.
Any position that let's him look you in the eye and ask if you're enjoying. A real fucking gentleman. The good times don't stop until you're satisfied. Expect plenty of talk after, and a rehydration break before round two. Pretty vanilla but in the best way
16. Owain Goch ap Gruffudd
In his favourite chair. He wont move much or do anything besides gaze listlessly out the window. You're going to be stuck doing all the work. You'll know he's finished because there'll be a sigh of disappointment. With you or life, you'll never know.
17. Rhodri ap Gruffudd.
You'll barely even know he's there. There'll be crying and angry mutterings that he's "just as good as his brothers". Once he's done he'll ask to borrow money then flip out when you tell him to fuck off
18. Rhodri Mawr.
Treats you like a living flesh light. Will tell you to call him daddy A LOT. Rough to the point where you're not quite sure if you're enjoying or not. Your hair WILL be pulled and there will be unironic talk of knocking you up. Thinks taking you home is romantic
19. Owain Lawgoch.
Every position you want. He swoops in with a perfect body and the foreplay is incredible. He's doing all the right things, you don't even blink when he says "I don't use condoms". Then he's done in 30 seconds leaving you cold and shamed lying naked on the floor
20. The Lord Rhys.
Corkscrew. Hot and all but before you fuck he insists on introducing you to his entire family. Its very awkward and you will not enjoy it. Even during the sex, which is admittedly great, you won't be able to stop thinking about him and his weirdly close family.
21. Senana ferch Caradog.
Cowgirl. As if she'd let you on top. She'll ride away but you wont enjoy it because she'll spend every second belittling you, reminding you how you're a constant failure in the eyes of your parents. She's done when you start crying.
22. Gruffudd ap Llywelyn Fawr.
Bent over any available furniture. Angry sex like he hasn't got any in ten years and personally blames you. One small step from a hate fuck. When he's done he can't get away fast enough. 60% chance he'll leap out the nearest window to his death
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