Film synopsis: Dr No (2020 Reboot)
James Bond isn't sent to Jamaica and doesn't investigate the disappearance of a fellow British agent.
#RussiaReport
1/
James Bond isn't sent to Jamaica and doesn't investigate the disappearance of a fellow British agent.
#RussiaReport
1/
Film synopsis: From Russia With Love (2020 Reboot)
SPECTRE are planning to kill James Bond. MI6 don't look into it.
#RussiaReport
2/
SPECTRE are planning to kill James Bond. MI6 don't look into it.
#RussiaReport
2/
Film synopsis: Goldfinger (2020 Reboot)
Auric Goldfinger is planning to contaminate the US Bullion Depository at Fort Knox. James Bond isn't sent to investigate. The gold bars may or may not be contaminated - we will never know.
#RussiaReport
3/
Auric Goldfinger is planning to contaminate the US Bullion Depository at Fort Knox. James Bond isn't sent to investigate. The gold bars may or may not be contaminated - we will never know.
#RussiaReport
3/
Film synopsis: You Only Live Twice (2020 Reboot)
Soviet manned spacecraft disappears. The useless Foreign Secretary gets MI6 not to look into it any further.
#RussiaReport
5/
Soviet manned spacecraft disappears. The useless Foreign Secretary gets MI6 not to look into it any further.
#RussiaReport
5/
Film synopsis: Diamonds are Forever (2020 Reboot)
Some people are smuggling diamonds. James Bond gets sent to Dover to look at dinghies with Nigel Farage. Oooo, look - a hovercraft!
#RussiaReport
6/
Some people are smuggling diamonds. James Bond gets sent to Dover to look at dinghies with Nigel Farage. Oooo, look - a hovercraft!
#RussiaReport
6/
Film synopsis: On Her Majesty's Secret Service (2020 Reboot)
The government make an ordering error and tell MI6 not to look into it as that would highlight them getting Bond wrong.
#RussiaReport
7/
The government make an ordering error and tell MI6 not to look into it as that would highlight them getting Bond wrong.
#RussiaReport
7/
Film synopsis: Live and Let Die (2020 Reboot)
Dr Kananga something, something, opium poppies. No further details of any interest.
#RussiaReport
8/
Dr Kananga something, something, opium poppies. No further details of any interest.
#RussiaReport
8/
Film synopsis: The Man with the Golden Gun (2020 Reboot)
The PM has heard absolutely no evidence that Scaramanga has an odd number of nipples. Time to move on.
#RussiaReport
9/
The PM has heard absolutely no evidence that Scaramanga has an odd number of nipples. Time to move on.
#RussiaReport
9/
Film synopsis: The Spy Who Loved Me (2020 Reboot)
Soviet nuclear submarine disappears without trace. James Bond isn't sent out to recover microfilm plans. What microfilm plans? No evidence of any microfilm plans here.
#RussiaReport
10/
Soviet nuclear submarine disappears without trace. James Bond isn't sent out to recover microfilm plans. What microfilm plans? No evidence of any microfilm plans here.
#RussiaReport
10/
Film synopsis: Moonraker (2020 Reboot)
Could actually be a man trying to rake the moon for all the UK government care.
#RussiaReport
11/
Could actually be a man trying to rake the moon for all the UK government care.
#RussiaReport
11/
Film synopsis: For Your Eyes Only (2020 Reboot)
Beginning to wish I'd never stated this - still got Dalton, Brosnan and Craig to go
#RussiaReport
12/
Beginning to wish I'd never stated this - still got Dalton, Brosnan and Craig to go
#RussiaReport
12/
Film synopsis: Octopussy (2020 Reboot)
MI6 fail to send James Bond on a Faberge Egg hunt
#RussiaReport
13/
MI6 fail to send James Bond on a Faberge Egg hunt
#RussiaReport
13/
Film synopsis: A View to a Kill (2020 Reboot)
Zorin is trying to blow stuff up. The UK government don't care about stuff so do nothing. Entirely possible that the stuff is blown up.
#RussiaReport
14/
Zorin is trying to blow stuff up. The UK government don't care about stuff so do nothing. Entirely possible that the stuff is blown up.
#RussiaReport
14/
Film synopsis: The Living Daylights (2020 Reboot)
General Georgi Koskov is trying to deflect. Like that's going to happen in 2020.
#RussiaReport
15/
General Georgi Koskov is trying to deflect. Like that's going to happen in 2020.
#RussiaReport
15/
Film synopsis: Licence to Kill (2020 Reboot)
Invokes a guy smuggling cocain in a petrol tanker, so Bond is sent to lay some tarmac in Kent to accommodate the new customs clearance. Also starting Michael Gove
#RussiaReport
16/
Invokes a guy smuggling cocain in a petrol tanker, so Bond is sent to lay some tarmac in Kent to accommodate the new customs clearance. Also starting Michael Gove
#RussiaReport
16/
Film synopsis: Goldeneye (2020 Reboot)
Involves far too much time attacking the soviets. Bond gets locked in a room with an N64.
#RussiaReport
17/
Involves far too much time attacking the soviets. Bond gets locked in a room with an N64.
#RussiaReport
17/
Film synopsis: Tomorrow Never Dies (2020 Reboot)
Genuinely nothing to see here. Move on people.
#RussiaReport
18/
Genuinely nothing to see here. Move on people.
#RussiaReport
18/
Film synopsis: The World is not Enough (2020 Reboot)
Ex-KGB agent is trying to control oil supplies to Europe. British government decides to pretend they have spotted him
#RussiaReport
19/
Ex-KGB agent is trying to control oil supplies to Europe. British government decides to pretend they have spotted him
#RussiaReport
19/
Film synopsis: Die Another Day (2020 Reboot)
Invisible cars, probably driven by invisible unicorns. The Brexitiest film of the franchise.
#RussiaReport
20/
Invisible cars, probably driven by invisible unicorns. The Brexitiest film of the franchise.
#RussiaReport
20/
Film synopsis: Casino Royale (2020 Reboot)
Le Chiffre is spending a lot of money on dubious things, possibly including the Tory Party. James Bond doesn’t investigate, but gets into online poker and sets up a match dot com profile.
#RussiaReport
21/
Le Chiffre is spending a lot of money on dubious things, possibly including the Tory Party. James Bond doesn’t investigate, but gets into online poker and sets up a match dot com profile.
#RussiaReport
21/
Film synopsis: Quantum of Solace (2020 Reboot)
Honestly, all I can remember is a car chase at the beginning and a Ford Fiesta. That’ll do.
#RussiaReport
22/
Honestly, all I can remember is a car chase at the beginning and a Ford Fiesta. That’ll do.
#RussiaReport
22/
Film synopsis: Skyfall (2020 Reboot)
Ralf Finnes has an ISC report on foreign interferance, which he isn’t allowed to release. Silva has to wait 18 months to attack. Bond continues to pretend he’s deal for an easy life.
#RussiaReport
23/
Ralf Finnes has an ISC report on foreign interferance, which he isn’t allowed to release. Silva has to wait 18 months to attack. Bond continues to pretend he’s deal for an easy life.
#RussiaReport
23/
Film synopsis: Spectre (2020 Reboot)
Blofeld’s back! Or at least he would be back if we’d met him in the first place had Bond actually been deployed back in the 70s instead of going hovercraft spotting in Dover.
#RussiaReport
24/Ends - what a lot of Bond films there are.
Blofeld’s back! Or at least he would be back if we’d met him in the first place had Bond actually been deployed back in the 70s instead of going hovercraft spotting in Dover.
#RussiaReport
24/Ends - what a lot of Bond films there are.
Additional message - usual apologies for typos.
Ahem:
