James Bond isn't sent to Jamaica and doesn't investigate the disappearance of a fellow British agent.
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1/
SPECTRE are planning to kill James Bond. MI6 don't look into it.
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2/
Auric Goldfinger is planning to contaminate the US Bullion Depository at Fort Knox. James Bond isn't sent to investigate. The gold bars may or may not be contaminated - we will never know.
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3/
Soviet manned spacecraft disappears. The useless Foreign Secretary gets MI6 not to look into it any further.
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5/
Some people are smuggling diamonds. James Bond gets sent to Dover to look at dinghies with Nigel Farage. Oooo, look - a hovercraft!
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6/
The government make an ordering error and tell MI6 not to look into it as that would highlight them getting Bond wrong.
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7/
Dr Kananga something, something, opium poppies. No further details of any interest.
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8/
The PM has heard absolutely no evidence that Scaramanga has an odd number of nipples. Time to move on.
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9/
Soviet nuclear submarine disappears without trace. James Bond isn't sent out to recover microfilm plans. What microfilm plans? No evidence of any microfilm plans here.
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10/
Could actually be a man trying to rake the moon for all the UK government care.
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11/
Beginning to wish I'd never stated this - still got Dalton, Brosnan and Craig to go
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12/
MI6 fail to send James Bond on a Faberge Egg hunt
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13/
Zorin is trying to blow stuff up. The UK government don't care about stuff so do nothing. Entirely possible that the stuff is blown up.
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14/
General Georgi Koskov is trying to deflect. Like that's going to happen in 2020.
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15/
Invokes a guy smuggling cocain in a petrol tanker, so Bond is sent to lay some tarmac in Kent to accommodate the new customs clearance. Also starting Michael Gove
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16/
Involves far too much time attacking the soviets. Bond gets locked in a room with an N64.
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17/
Genuinely nothing to see here. Move on people.
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18/
Ex-KGB agent is trying to control oil supplies to Europe. British government decides to pretend they have spotted him
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19/
Invisible cars, probably driven by invisible unicorns. The Brexitiest film of the franchise.
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20/
Le Chiffre is spending a lot of money on dubious things, possibly including the Tory Party. James Bond doesn’t investigate, but gets into online poker and sets up a match dot com profile.
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21/
Honestly, all I can remember is a car chase at the beginning and a Ford Fiesta. That’ll do.
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22/
Ralf Finnes has an ISC report on foreign interferance, which he isn’t allowed to release. Silva has to wait 18 months to attack. Bond continues to pretend he’s deal for an easy life.
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23/
Blofeld’s back! Or at least he would be back if we’d met him in the first place had Bond actually been deployed back in the 70s instead of going hovercraft spotting in Dover.
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24/Ends - what a lot of Bond films there are.