Thread by @shannonrosa

Sadly, most writing from parents about autistic kids is not only awful, but self-defeating: If you publicly write smack about your kids, then it is hypocritical to complain when other people treat those kids badly.

So what does GOOD writing about autism & parenting look like? 1/

Also, how can we parents recognize harmful writing about autistic children, and avoid those negativity pitfalls?

Following are four too-common examples of such bad "autism parent" writing, why using these approaches is not useful, and what you can do instead. 2/

Bad autism parent writing trope #1: "I am furious that people celebrate autism acceptance. My child suffers from autism and needs a cure.”

Considering autism a curable disease is misinformed thinking. High-support autistic people have always been part of society. 3/

That autistic people have always been part of societies is a fact. Autism is brain wiring. Also a fact.

Conclusion: Autistic people need understanding and accommodations, not cures. 4/

Of course, if an autistic child is having a terribly hard time, that is indeed nothing to celebrate. The problem is, too many parents define autistic "suffering" as being ill, being non-speaking, or being violent—and leave it at that.

5/

When parents of autistic kids throw up their hands & blame everything on autism instead of pursuing support, they compound any suffering their own kids may be experiencing, &, if they have any influence, spread that suffering to all the kids of the parents who listen to them. 6/

Here's the autistic reality these parents are willfully ignoring: if a child has medical conditions, parents need to address those, while understanding that their child will be healthier and therefore happier—but still autistic—afterwards. 7/

Parents need to understand that everyone communicates, even if they don't speak, & pursue options/AAC. And there are usually completely reasonable but easily missed factors when autistic kids are aggressive or self-injurious, usually medical reasons. Look for those reasons! 8/

Bad autism parent writing trope No. 2: "Autism is Hard. There is no reason to celebrate something so hard."

Yes, autism is hard. Hardest for the autistic person who is not being supported or accepted, however. 9/

It is very hard for autistic people to be part of a society that does not recognize how autistic anxiety, processing & sensory issues, etc., can interfere with a person's well-being & ability to cope—& harder still when that lack of understanding & acceptance happens at home. 10/

Of course, society's lack of understanding about autism makes life hard for parents & families too. Which is why, instead of "fighting autism," parents should be fighting for wider-spread acceptance & supports for autistic people (& their families), so that everyone can win. 11/

Bad autism parent writing trop No. 3: "My child functions like a much younger child."

No, your child functions the way an autistic person with developmental disabilities functions, for their age. They behave and react based on their accumulated life experience, like anyone. 12/

Autistic people deserve their interests and life experiences to be treated with respect, if they make them happy, & they aren’t harming anyone. Why does it matter so much to parents if autistic children choose to spend their time differently from their non-autistic peers? 13/

If you want your child to be happy, then you need learn to yield to and accept their preferences. Publicly ridiculing or second-guessing your child's passions and development is not only bad modeling, it is questionable parenting. 14/

Bad autism parent writing trope No. 4: "My child is disabled, unlike those quirky fakers who write #neurodiversity articles, work in Silicon Valley, and fight for autistic rights at the national policy level."

Honey, no. Autistic people are a diverse bunch. 15/

…and that autistic heterogeneity has only been truly recognized for about two decades.

It's unclear to me why accepting how varied autism traits are is a problem, because that ideally means more autistic people are being identified and getting supports. 16/

Plus the autistic people the “not REALLY autistic" accusations are usually leveled at usually work very hard for the rights of autistic people of ALL abilities. (Most autistic people also consider themselves disabled, whether they have White House appointments or not.) 17/

Parents would do well to read the thoughts of autistic people themselves on the autistic experience, to understand why these "not like MY child" accusations are both often untrue, and hurtful. 18/

Autistic commonalities are as real as autistic diversity, and what sort of silly parent wouldn't recognize or appreciate having freely shared insights on autistic struggles and tendencies their own child might not be able to convey? 19/

Also, the autistic kids and adults with the highest support needs are the ones most likely to get those supports, especially in school… 20/

…while autistic people with fewer obvious support needs are more likely to be overlooked, dismissed, remain undiagnosed, and as a result have debilitating anxiety and depression. Who is being disadvantaged, again? 21/

Calling out bad autism parent writing rarely makes people change their behavior, but it DOES make them accountable, and lets their readers know that writing awful, privacy-violating things about autistic children in public is not acceptable. Please, don’t write such crap. 22/22