1/ Unfolding illusions
"A moment of calm, the evening light casting no shadows, just an illusion all is ok."
Elsewhere I wrote the above. As we walked and talked, the pebbles crunching and shifting under our feet, I lifted off a mask, my fear I'll never run a marathon again,
"A moment of calm, the evening light casting no shadows, just an illusion all is ok."
Elsewhere I wrote the above. As we walked and talked, the pebbles crunching and shifting under our feet, I lifted off a mask, my fear I'll never run a marathon again,
2/ as I currently fatigue easily when I try doing more exercise - an effect not only of not being with my grief for many years and pushing on, but also from the virus, I am pretty sure I have had it.
As well as the sense of my actions not being enough, that all I am doing seems
As well as the sense of my actions not being enough, that all I am doing seems
3/ just a drop in the ocean when there is a government hell bent on only protecting their interests and not supporting a thriving society. It reminded me so much of when we were trying, all I did, all we did, and only heartbreak followed. It was never enough.
4/ But I can tell I am in a different place, that I am able to voice my fears, that the deep sense of shame is lessening and I am not giving up. I could acknowledge and feel the weight over my heart, through talking it lessened, in the past it overwhelmed me as I desired escape.
5/ For so long all I wanted to do was move and keep on moving till I felt better. Now I am happy being home, surrounded by my wife and cats. From here I keep taking my actions, however small as the option of doing nothing isn't an option to me.
6/ I am trying to accept that is enough, and being me and true to my values is nothing to be ashamed of. I guess I am saying I am worthy.
#ChildlessNotByChoice #Childlessness #Childless #ChildlessCommunity #InvisibleGrief #VisibleGrief #PlanB #LifeAfterChildlessness #MicroBlog
#ChildlessNotByChoice #Childlessness #Childless #ChildlessCommunity #InvisibleGrief #VisibleGrief #PlanB #LifeAfterChildlessness #MicroBlog
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