Editorial:
We once told @suzettesmith that we’d do a thread of jokes about proudboys.

@genialanarchist has provided the impetus. So here we are. Ahem:

Q: What do you call a proud boy’s mom?

A: the legal guardian of his children
What does a proud boy’s mom call her son?

“Dead to me”

Just kidding. She never calls anymore.
Why are proud boys homophobic?

Because nobody wants to fuck a proud boy.

Why are so many proud boys incels?

Because *NO ONE* wants to fuck a proud boy.

Why don’t proud boys masturbate?

Because they don’t even want to fuck themselves.
What do you call 100 proud boys showing up to face off against 500 antifascists?

Fucking themselves.
How many proud boys does it take to change a lightbulb?

That’s silly. Proud boys don’t change shit. They just want to sit in a dark room, punching each other and yelling the names of breakfast cereals, while insisting that lightbulbs are cultural Marxism.
Why don’t proud boys actually know the history of western civilization?

Because the court order bars them from going within 200 yards of a school building.

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More from @45thabsurdist

16 Oct
Just arrived downtown to check in on the bizarro attack on homeless encampments that’s been underway, almost literally on the PPB’s doorstep. @1misanthrophile has been here for a while, and has captured some of the altercations so far. Image
things seem to have died down, multiple clergy witnesses and some folks in bloc are on site, keeping an eye out. The newest (and let’s be real, least photogenic) of the Elks is still resting after this morning’s excitement, when it was knocked down by the Thin Blue Line crowd. Image
When I describe this situation as “bizarro,” this is the kind of thing I’m talking about. And the punching.
Read 9 tweets
24 Sep
It is wet and raining, but protesters are at the Justice center tonight 9/23 because no one was charged with the death of #BreonnaTaylor.
There are 2-300 people out tonight.
Speaker: “None of us are surprised by what happened today”.
Read 38 tweets
23 Sep
I will concede that “Robert and the fine people who listen to his podcasts” is a funny answer.

However, the ad as a cultural artifact also indicates a world where plutocrats skim twitter and then idly make calls to their broker to buy stock in knife missiles—->
And government functionaries with DoD purchasing power, utterly unqualified for their positions, entirely unfamiliar with the world of defense contractors, and absolutely wrecked by petty abuse from their superiors, skim twitter between receiving tweet-orders from the president->
Read 8 tweets
21 Sep
Good Morning from the Anarchist Jurisdiction of Portland. Image
Spokescouncils for Portland and Seattle are meeting to determine a course of mutual aid for their beleaguered fellow Free City. At press time, the meeting was in its third hour and had paused for snacks and a vibe check.

Anarchist Leadership could not be reached for comment.
Spokescouncil for Autonomous Economic Confederation of the Anarchist Jurisdictions is meeting at this hour: preliminary accounting indicates that the three Free Cities and their associated Anarchist Jurisdictions have a combined GDP of approximately $2.3 Trillion in USD.
Read 5 tweets
21 Sep
I’ll be heading over to the action at Unthank shortly. right now, @cremebruleepdx is running the Laurelhurst Resist-Dance party. There’s been Fergie. There has been shaking of booties. And loads of cute short-shorts outfits instead of all black, for once. It’s real cute y’all Image
This is the kind of dance party where the DJ understands the importance of letting the baseline from ginuwine’s Pony carry through for like 10 minutes, and then slide right into WAP, and it is exactly the jam I am here for.
Also I have just been informed that @cremebruleepdx has been hosting these things weekly (except for during the Fire Times) for like a while. And I just don’t know what I’ve been doing with my life that I’ve been missing it this whole time.
Read 18 tweets
19 Sep
Tonight 9/18 I am at a gathering at Elizabeth Caruthers Park in SW Portland for #BlackLivesMatter as the city celebrates rain and resumes #PortlandProtests Image
Current speaker: “Now is the time, this is the home stretch!...Say her name : Breonna Taylor!”
This march is to ICE current chant: “no cops, no prisons, total abolition!”
Read 50 tweets

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