What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug promotes the part of his Fall Pandemic Plan ensuring all Ontarians get free flu shot. Elliott says flu shots are in the mail.
2. Reports indicate Ford did nothing for LTCs while campaigning across Ontario this summer. #SmileCookie
3. Lecce says merit trumps seniority when hiring teachers. Doesn't define merit. Says Oosterhoff is doing robust and layered Bing search for definition of merit.
4. Doug prays he doesn't have to expand lockdown rollbacks to other regions. Then prays for hydro prices to drop too.
5. Kenney announces his staff will take a 7% pay cut. Says this will demonstrate they understand joblessness. Because 93% of too much pay is exactly like joblessness.
6. Kenney announces another project providing short-term jobs that may or may not happen in the next five years.
7. Poilievre says video of him defending Harper government's offering of a mostly redacted cabinet document is different than his WE complaints because Margaret Trudeau.
8. Matt Wolf defends Ben Harper hire, saying Harper had a nearly perfect university attendance record.
9. Hydro prices in Ontario will increase. Doug says even though there's no cheap beer or affordable hydro in Ontario he still kept his third campaign promise to hide Ministry mandate letters.
10. Scott Moe says he's listening to the people now. That's it. That's the funny part.
11. Erin O'Toole furious that law building at Queens being renamed. Says cancelling history is outrageous. Says he learned a lot about history while in the RCAF before it was renamed the RCAF.
12. National Post's Chris Selley furious that Dr Tam answered a reporter's question.
13. Conservatives say statues and buildings shouldn't be cancelled because then no one can learn about what's happening with First Nations lobster fishers right now.
14. RCMP in Nova Scotia say white people not doing anything illegal: Van caught on fire because of a disagreement.
15. O'Toole tweets he's all about supporting everyone and everything. Says, as Prime Minister, even First Nations and unions will be provided with free RCAF swag.
16. O'toole says unions are vital to Canada's economic health. Doug and Jason hit 'Block Caller' on Erin's number.
17. Poilievre outraged "Trudeau has no economic plan!" Says if Scheer were PM, parents with kids in private school would receive tax breaks to stimulate job creation.
18. Savage says Alberta's got tons of stuff no one wants and can't understand how Canada can ignore that demand.
19. With case numbers continuing to reach record levels, Provincial Conservative governments say federal billions not enough for campaign videos, staff salaries AND Covid measures.
20. Shandro says 25 ambulance dispatchers is exactly the same as 45 once you factor in Windows 10.
21. The battle of Crazy Uncle versus Mister Rogers rages on in Amurikuh. Crazy Uncle disowns California. Dances.
22. Crazy Uncle's SCOTUS nominee says she cannot apply the law to "hypothetical facts." Also pretends the right to protest isn't a real thing in the First Amendment.
23. 69 days til Xmas. I feel as though this would be a good year to make an extra-generous donation to a local food bank if you can.
24. Looking at a sweet '86 Westfalia. To live in.
25. We lost Mr. Gordon Downie 3 years ago today. I still miss him. A lot.

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More from @mynamesnotgordy

11 Oct
Saw the blue sky this morning and thought it looks like a rockstar day. Stepped outside and the chilly temps broke my heart. Saw all the leaves on the ground and I hit the roof. Put all my sweaters on the table. Spared no expense on coffee. Then I got laser focused on some bacon.
Saw the neighbours passing doobies. I yelled "What're ya doin, ya Yahoos?!" I was shocked the leaves were falling in autumn. Made raking the leaves my number 1 priority. Created a robust and massive plan to make a pile of leaves. Kids belong in leaf piles, I thought to myself.
Decided to create the leaf pile one leaf at a time, because kids wouldn't understand the leaf pile if I built it all at once. I saw the kids were jumping into the four or five leaves and hurting themselves, so I made jumping in the leaf pile by appointment only.
Read 5 tweets
10 Oct
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford inadvertently reveals his top-secret Pandemic Command Table is made up of his wife.
2. Doug says he was so busy campaigning across Ontario this summer he didn't realize Ontarians were behaving irresponsibly during a pandemic.
3. Jason Kenney says Alberta will move ahead creating its own police force, saying 35% of the 10 UCP party supporters he asked say it might be a good idea.
4. Brett Wilson starts moving his money out of Alberta and burying it in Scott Moe's backyard garden.
5. Kenney says UCP is creating new jobs in Alberta and hiring Stephen Harper's son in just the beginning of that growth.
6. Doug Ford announces he's overcome his fear of electric cars.
7. Jason Kenney scratches Doug Ford off his Christmas card list. Waves fist at unicorn farts.
Read 11 tweets
3 Oct
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Ford government moves Ontario back into lockdown Stage 12.B Plaid. Strippers are no longer allowed to visit family for Thanksgiving weekend unless the dinner is held at a casino.
2. Trump says there's a slight chance COVID isn't a hoax.
3. After writing Nat Post piece saying socialist coup is likely in Canada, Leslyn Lewis warns old stock Canadians to be on the lookout for telltale signs like universal healthcare, more VW camper vans and fewer O&G bailouts.
4. O'Toole announces new CPC slogan: "Slogans're bad!"
5. UCP Issue Managers say lower corporate taxes means corporations pay more taxes. That's it.
6. UCP MLA says people collecting federal pandemic support spend their days eating Cheezies and watching cartoons. W. Brett Wilson outraged; says he also spends part of his day tweeting.
Read 11 tweets
26 Sep
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Liberal Throne Speech addresses four foundations: fighting the pandemic, supporting people and business, building Canada back better, and standing up for Canadian values. Kenney outraged there's no specific mention of W. Brett Wilson.
2. At least 15 people contract COVID as a result of O'Toole's campaign visit to Montreal. O'Toole changes party slogan to "I'm taking back COVID. Are you with me?"
3. Ford "junior staffer" tests positive. Doug says staffer grounded for a week and lost their Tweeter privileges.
4. In cheeky video, O'Toole says only thing harder than being in the military is being on Twitter. Proof positive he's never watched a teleprompter speech by Doug Ford.
5. In effort to slow second COVID surge, Ford and Elliott release Fall Pandemic Plan on 27 cocktail napkins.
Read 12 tweets
19 Sep
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. O'Toole says Ontario's Health Minister Trudeau isn't doing his job.
2. CPC outraged about federal spending. Provincial Conservatives demand more federal money. Hospitals report spike in ER visits for incidents of Conservative Whiplash.
3. Ontario's COVID cases match June's highs. Ford and Elliott encourage people to get out and buy Smile cookies at Timmy's.
4. Doug says house parties and weddings are the cause of COVID spike. Says, now that Mother's Day and Stan Cho's wedding are done, it's time to buckle down.
5. Kenney applies to Fed gov't for a CHIP Reverse Equalization Mortgage. Says his mom's retirement home needs a new hot tub.
6. Schweitzer says "Alberta is the new player in Canadian tech innovation!" Releases statement via his MySpace page.
7. Wexit changes name. No one notices.
Read 11 tweets
12 Sep
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. O'Toole appoints the Average White Band to all fill 127 CPC shadow cabinet positions.
2. Pierre Poilievre retains role as Finance critic after misunderstanding what a wealth gap and poverty levels are. That's it. That's the funny part.
3. Doug says COVID levels are really only a problem in places where people live.
4. Lecce inspects 27 school parking lots and confirms there's no sign of COVID in any of them.
5. Ford indicates he's considering appealing court's decision to quash pretty much all his policies.
6. Kenney government plans to cut support for those with disabilities and instead spend $112M a year on Alberta police. Says homelessness will increase, so there must be police at the ready.
7. Adriana LaGrange enters the Witness Protection Program after school starts in Alberta.
Read 14 tweets

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