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Sooz
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21 Oct, 4 tweets, 1 min read
Bet Diana would have done a fucking iconic photoshoot with Meghan Markle for Vanity Fair by now and it sucks I don’t get to stan AND lampoon it. It sucks for all of us.
Had to delete this and write it again coz my phone’s autocorrect is out of control and mugs me off constantly.
Thinking about canvassing for Labour with Diana now. They pair us up together in Crawley and stop for lunch at the Burger King in the County Mall. Diana and I share a large fries between us coz otherwise you fill up on them and don’t enjoy the second half of your Whopper.
The headline of the Megan/Diana Vanity Fair photoshoot would have been #Rexit btw.

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More from @SoozUK

Sooz
23 Oct
THREAD: How to get semi-Twitter-famous.

1. Tweet about three specific things non-stop. Mine are Sonic, progressive politics and stuff that happened to me in 1992.
2. Do it all the time, every single day without second guessing yourself.
3. Post several pictures of cats per week. If you don't have a cat just take photos of cats you see in the street.
Read 7 tweets
Sooz
22 Oct
THREAD: I woke up at 6 and immediately HAD to write down the dream I had coz this shit was CRAY. It's about Donald Trump and me.
In the dream Trump let me in his office to ask him questions every so often. He was incredibly rude to me but would let me ask him just about anything and he was always saying that Tyler Perry loved him and I would say "I'm sure he'll learn the truth eventually".
By the way, it wasn't the Oval Office, it was some weird long thin office which I THINK was sort of the conference room from Network.
Read 9 tweets
Sooz
27 Jul
When a literal Nazi who went by several account names based around "White Europe" targeted me with antisemitic hate for 2 months Twitter did nothing. Gas chambers, screengrabs of photos of my grandparents and great-parents, Nazi propaganda pics, all used against me by that troll.
However I have decided I will not be leaving Twitter for 48 hours to send some sort of message because I don't want to leave a website where for 2 days the racists have free rein. I'll stay here calling out their bullshit.
And if one shit-for-brains absolute melt shows up in my mentions saying something racist of any variety be prepared to feel my wrath. I have a lot of it and I can be a reeeeaaaal asshole.
Read 8 tweets
Sooz
15 Jul
THREAD: This is a thread about Reply Guys. I like it when tweets go viral coz I'm a big show-off and Twitter is responsible for most of my career. When you go viral you get new followers, fun replies, sometimes even industry interest omg. But you also get: Reply Guys.
As soon as something goes viral your mentions are flooded with Reply Guys of all different species. For this particular viral-ish tweet here are the categories:
PUNCH-IT-UP REPLY GUY: This breed of Reply Guy rewords your humorous tweet and behaves like he has written a hilarious take. "More like people who wore shitty fashions of the past now don't want to put on a mask lol". Not "more like", mate...EXACTLY the same.
Read 22 tweets
Sooz
11 Jun
THREAD: From Facebook:

Cut & pasted - with permission - from a trans friend who didn't want her name attached because, understandably, she's sick of arguing about this. Basically, she was approached by a cis friend asking Why Are People Unhappy With JK Rowling.
Well done for reaching out to an actual trans person with lived experience and questioning the media's messaging around this story.
People are reacting angrily for lots of reasons but I think the main one is JK Rowling is a white, straight, cis billionaire who is talking over a bunch of minorities here.
Read 19 tweets
Sooz
8 Mar
THREAD: How the #Eastenders characters are dealing with coronavirus.

PHIL MITCHELL: Refuses to wash his hands, says “it’ll take more than some poxy virus to take me down” even though he had a liver transplant and is very high risk and everyone is extremely worried about him.
DOT COTTON: Keeps going on about Spanish Flu, something she knows an awful lot about despite being born after it happened. People have started turning off the news because as soon as COVID-19 is mentioned Dot starts on about Spanish Flu again.
IAN BEALE: Has bought several hundred packs of loo roll and Kathy has had to move out of her room and sleep in the lounge coz he is using her room to store all the loo roll. Demands his family don’t tell anyone in Albert Sq about his stash of loo roll coz they’ll want in.
Read 15 tweets

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