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Katie Profile picture
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28 Oct, 6 tweets, 4 min read
My cat just brought home a sword
How did you get this through the cat flap raffy

Also are you the king of England now
All hail the rightful king of England
I pledge my troth
Somewhere, a child has just learned a great lesson about tidying up their toys once they’re done playing
Contemplating his newfound power

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More from @ZiziFothSi

Katie Profile picture
19 Sep
Good morning today my job involves trying to find and capture a small hedgehog that is somewhere in the basement
Apparently the hog is “the size of a small hand”
Once I find the hog I am to call The Hedgehog Man
Read 11 tweets
Katie Profile picture
25 Jun
Why the actual fuck do men act like they’re going to die if they can’t touch strange women on the waist and lower back
Women: we hate this, it makes us uncomfortable, we don’t do this to men, here are alternatives if you don’t know any

Men:
Yes yes yes “not all men” but let’s not ignore the fact that it is men who are perpetuating and defending this action against women who almost uniformly hate it, come on
Read 8 tweets
Katie Profile picture
22 May
If I see one more beleaguered girlfriend online excuse her boyfriend’s shitty behaviour because “he’s on the spectrum” I, a certified autiste, am going to go absolutely apeshit

The problem isn’t that he’s autistic! The problem is that he’s a cunt!
You can be bad at reading social cues BUT STILL NOT DELIGHT IN HURTING AND DENIGRATING THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
I speak only to my own experience, but while I can be insensitive due to having poor instincts or not being able to read the room, if/when it’s pointed out to me that what I’m doing is inappropriate or hurtful? I am MORTIFIED
Read 6 tweets
Katie Profile picture
4 Apr
Just learned a new thing about the platypus, this patchworked river dumbass, God’s drunken mistake, the greatest shame of the antipodes
So female platypuses have two ovaries, just like humans, but only the left one actually ever develops. Always the left, always only one. Why? Who knows!
Male platypuses have a four-headed penis but only the left half of it is functional
Read 7 tweets
Katie Profile picture
2 Mar
Oh my god

Jk Rowling made up a Japanese wizarding school

The name of which translates to “magic place”

But in a way that is grammatically incorrect

And she’s provided a pronunciation guide!

The pronunciation guide is wrong
Clear evidence that being a t*rf rots your brain
Okay language nerds, come with me on a journey more magical and well-researched than old jaykay terfpants could dream of*

*this is not a particularly high bar
Read 33 tweets
Katie Profile picture
27 Feb
@Tesco 1. To anyone saying “beige plasters aren’t supposed to match Caucasian skin tones!” ding dong ur wrong that is explicitly what they were designed to do. ImageImageImageImage
@Tesco 2. “I’m white and they don’t match MY skin tone!” yeah me neither but they’re close enough - they’re designed to be an average sort of beige that doesn’t stand out too wildly on any white person’s skin.
@Tesco 3. “Why not use clear plasters!” uh have you ever tried using one of them on a finger joint? Or any other joint? They’re great at some things but don’t have the same utility as a traditional sticking plaster.
Read 9 tweets

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