Thread by @ASlavitt

COVID Update October 28: Let’s get to clarify a few things.

The White House put the pandemic on its accomplishment list.

Yes, they certainly accomplished it.

Trump says we’re now “rounding the corner.”

Mommy, I don’t like this corner.

For Halloween when kids open the door, do not yell “honey, my pulse- ox is down to 97.” Not nice.

Do you picture like I do that they have a white board at the RNC which says “October surprise” and a bunch of movable magnetic words:

Senile
Emails
Laptop
Could be?
Is
Socialist
Che
Biden
AOC

And then they invite interns in to play around and call the press.

Roberts needs to sit the new youngsters on the court down and tell them that if they want to make every vote not count in this election, if they try and fail they will enjoy their new status on the court with another 59 new Justices.

Favorite thing Trump ever said.

“He said he was anonymous but I’ve never heard of him.”

Hey Miles, we’ve all been there. You expect a parade but everyone is disappointed you’re not someone else. And then gets on you for taking kids from their parents and not keeping records.

It’s kind of the American story.

Enough about Miles. OK, one more.

Miles, on Fifth Avenue.

“Officer, there’s a man with a gun about to shoot people.”

“Where? What’s your name?”

“I can’t.”

“We’d like to stop the shooting.”

“Uh, sorry.”

Final one. Scene in a DC restaurant.

“Hey is that Miles Taylor?”
“Who?”
“He’s the one that stopped Trump from doing all those bad things.”
“Huh?”
“Oh yeah. Would have been worse.”
“We should thank him...?”
“He doesn’t seem to like recognition.”

If you have more, I think it will become a genre. Or a sub-genre. Maybe a sub-sub-genre.

The stock market is not down because more people are dying. It’s down because people aren’t dying fast

Good news for us. Putin just ordered a national face mask mandate. Guess we’ll be getting one here shortly.

So here’s what I’ve learned. When cases are dropping, the hoaxers write article. When cases are rising, the hoaxers say no one is dying. When people are dying, they say the people are old.

The Republican state Senate has a new “contract with Minnesota” where they are committing to lift all public health restrictions.

Minnesotans are like “if I want to move to the Dakotas I will. There’s plenty of room.”

I don’t feel “the most important election in our lifetime” captures it well enough. I do agree “the most important eviction in our lifetime” comes closer.

What do we think Abe Lincoln would think about the Lincoln Project (@ProjectLincoln)?

I think he’d be confused at first and then after it was explained to him, he would say “Makes sense. I get it. You can use my name if you want.”

Storm this mother. Swarm them with ballots. /end