Thread by @RemakingManhood

The aggression playing out in social media is rooted in our culture of hierarchical, dominance-based masculinity, playing out minus the countervailing moderation found in personal interactions (we know you, we will see you again). In this way, social media is a Rorschach test. /1

Social media's lack of accountability, (very few face consequences) means that men and women, bullied and socialized into aligning with dominance culture use highly abusive language, mirroring their own abuse. In this way, social media reveals a persons level of early trauma. /2

This dangerous space allows people to calcify and express abusive racist and sexist frames in relative anonymity. Any remaining social restrictions dissipate. They are drawn to communities that mirror that language. It feels like belonging. /3

THEN something far worse happens. Organizations with authoritarian agendas backed by vast amounts of dark money from domestic and foreign players fuel online recruitment. The freedom to express hate is weaponized into real world movements that show up on our streets. /4

What begins as the narcotic thrill of speaking anonymously online in forbidden ways about women, BIPOC, immigrants, LGBTQI+ people, calcifies into an ideology, providing boys and men with a false sense of community and purpose, which is often missing from our lives. /5

This lack of community and authentic human connection is beaten out of boys by the very domination based masculinity that now encourages them to seek community through violence and hate against others. /6

The problem isn't men or masculinity. It's our DOMINATION-BASED CULTURE OF MASCULINITY, wherein joyful loving boys are stripped of close friendships/connection and slotted into the performance of domination as the only acceptable path to masculine validation. *Man box culture* /7

The key to breaking the generational cycle of disconnection for boys and men is found in Niobe Way's research. Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection, lays out exactly when and how boys are convinced to give up close friendships and connection. /8

When we intercede on our children's behalf, interrupt the bullying messages of dominance-based masculine culture, boys and girls grow their connection and relational capacities, reaching a tipping point where our culture's ugly narrow gender stereotypes hold no appeal for them /9

The battle is now. On one side is rich authentic human connection. On the other side is our violent and traumatizing masculine culture of disconnection. Its up to us to replace our bullying isolating domination-based masculinity with a masculine culture of human connection. /10

I have written the Little #MeToo Book for Men, which lays out exactly how dominance-based masculine culture operates. This simple, 75 page book defines the path out of man box culture for men.
Get your copy here: barnesandnoble.com/w/the-little-m…
Or here: amazon.com/dp/0983466963 /11

For parents/caregivers intent on growing our children's relational capacities, my partner Dr. Saliha Bava and I have written The Relational Book for Parenting. 200+ pages of games, stories and capacities to grow authentic human connection for our children. amazon.com/Relational-Boo…

If radicalized white nationalism and Proud Boy punching initiations feel like belonging and community for boys, then we are utterly failing as fathers, parents, and communities to create and model a masculinity of connection for them.