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Hauwa 🌟🌬

27 Nov, 8 tweets, 2 min read

Here are just a few of the things I get up to.

Thread.

Mummy Ola: Where is our GeePee tank?

Me: I sold it & used the money to buy Shawarma

Mummy Ola: You sold it for N1,200???

Me: No but is it one time I will eat Shawarma?

Daddy Juwon: Who turn my room to Isolation center?

Me: Is me.

D.J: Why???

Me: I'm renting it to the government.

Grandpa: Who took my Penis cream???

Me: ... Is... Is... Is it the one in red container?

Grandpa: Eh (Itches scrotum)

Me: IS NOT NIXODERM?

Daddy Juwon: Who used my car to carry coffin?

Me:

Daddy Juwon: HAUWA!

Me: Why are you too driving Volvo in 2020?

Uncle Adisa: Who collected my Ajo from the Ajo woman?!

Me: ...

Uncle Adisa: HAUWA!

Me: Won't I buy Bone Straight for December?

In this life, I must enjoy myself and nobody will stop me!

You better #DoYou and don't let anybody disturb your life.

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More from @Hauwa_L

Hauwa 🌟🌬

@Hauwa_L

29 Nov

Witches Association Meeting.
Myself and 5 other women are circling a large calabash.
The woman behind me steps on my cloth

Me: *Turns to her* You can't see your leg on my cloth?

(We continue but she steps on it again)

Me: Who be dis? I say you're marching my...

Leader: Heis Heis! Everybody stop! Hauwa what?

Me: She has been marching my cloth since morning.

Leader: *Looks at me* What are you wearing?

Me: (Smoothes PDP agbada) Is cloth.

Leader: Can't you see what we are all wearing?

*She points to their red wrappers*

Me: (itches head) Eh. This your material is cost. And they can't ko se si.

Leader: Ko se si?

Me: As in, they can't put this kind of design that Sanyeri is wearing.

Read 15 tweets

Hauwa 🌟🌬

@Hauwa_L

21 Nov

Introduction.

Kabiru: Big Daddy, this is the girl I want to marry

Big Daddy: EHN?! TALK LOUD!

Kabiru: (Moves closer) I SAY THIS IS OUR WIFE!

Big Daddy: Oh! Okay Okay. Welcome mai dia.

Me: (Kneels) Good Afternoon Big Daddy!

Big Daddy: Make tea for yourself and feel at home.

Me: (Smiles shyly) *Hums and shovels milo into my cup* *Packs milk inside* *Sings Davido and cuts bread* *Tastes the tea and nods*

Big Daddy:

Big Daddy: Are you doing nursing mother? Why are you packing milk like that?

Me: Hehehe Ah! Big Daddy! No o but they just discharge me from the hospital.

Big Daddy: For what?

Me: (tears bread with my teeth) Kpan fell on my head at the bakery.

Read 16 tweets

Hauwa 🌟🌬

@Hauwa_L

18 Nov

Meeting of the Association of Army Wives
(Ikeja Division)

Leader: I know it is hard but our husbands are out there fighting for the safety of our nation!

Women: *Nod*

Me: (Nods and reaches for the sausage on the table) You dinor lie.

Oyin: My husband has been gone for six months and I miss him everyday.

Me: Ehya *Picks spring roll*

Chika: My baby has not spoken to me in over a month!

Me: (Drinks Chivita and shakes head) Ebube Chisos

Amina: My husband sent me a message today! 😃

Me: *Claps and uses newspaper to pack chin-chin* He really like you.

Leader: Where is your own husband, Hauwa?

Me: *Hand freezes over doughnut*

Me: ...

Read 14 tweets

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