Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug says Auditor General isn't qualified to assess his government's pandemic response and should leave that work to the sticker salesman and lawyer overseeing the crisis planning.
2. Bearded Etobicoke man yells "Beer, BBQ and Freedom!"

3. Ontario's AG says politicians leading pandemic response, not health experts. Doug says that's untrue; Dr Williams received a text message whenever Doug's Chief of Staff made any important strategy decisions.
4. Dr Williams' contract extended. That's it. That's the funny part.

5. Lecce says 97% of schools Covid-free. Experts disagree, saying number is more like 45%. Lecce says all numbers are ostensible.
6. ON PC's vote to support anti-Muslim homophobe school owner. Doug says school's new Bachelor of Jesus degree means good-paying jobs for graduates.

7. Kenney says his entire cabinet worked 8 hours straight one day last week. That's it. That's the funny part.
8. Kenney says lockdowns hurt the poor and his government has always supported the poor and will continue to support the poor and by poor he means Brett Wilson, yes.

9. Kenney says small business must remain open, or they will close forever. Ford says small business must close down and big box stores will get all the Christmas business but he promises to be heartbroken when the people who didn't lobby him to stay open go out of business.

10. Poilievre and Conservative media still outraged about Trudeau admitting he wants to implement progressive policies as the pandemic provokes global paradigm shifts. Poilievre says Canada belongs in 1950 and anything else is clearly a conspiratorial spiraling toward the future.

11. Kenney says there's no need for masking laws outside of Edmonton and Calgary because people living in rural areas take their personal responsibility and gun safety seriously.
12. Kenney says Venezuelan small business owner furious that provincial parks are not being mined.

13. Rempel once again outraged about the government's approach to doing something that she has absolutely no comprehension of.
14. Trudeau's Comms team releases summary of phone call that hadn't taken place yet, proving the NRC's work on the new flux capacitor is going very well.

15. Doug Ford hires retired CAF General to take Dr Williams for long scenic drives out in the countryside while Sam Oosterhoff plans logistics for storing vaccines in the meat locker out at his farm.
17. Doug says BBQ guy is both a hardworking champion and a law-breaking Yahoo.

18. Ford says SkyDome won't be torn down, now that someone's explained to him the retractable roof does not generate wind-powered electricity.
19. Doug says only single people can join other households at Christmas and all his daughters broke up with their partners until January.

20. Hudson's Bay opens during lockdown. Says they're an essential service, since Doug from Bedding brought Timbits in for everyone on Monday.
21. Ford says CMOH's contract extended because he doesn't change dance partners mid dance. Vic and the Lisas sign up for dance lessons.

22. All of this week's assorted political shenanigans, debacles and boondoggles have me feeling a tad Weltschmerzy now. But, I am happy to report that I've discovered that central vac is f*cking amazing.
23. November's a blur. Bring on the fruitcake.