Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

Some learnings I've learnt living in these here pandemic times:

1. Everyone should have access to the internet during a pandemic. Oh, and funny hats.
2. These past ten years the dust bunnies under my sofa and bed have been pretty busy building thriving little towns and villages.

3. Screaming into the abyss is a real thing. My neighbour just doesn't get it.
4. If you want really nice weather all summer long, just declare a pandemic lockdown.
5. Amazon will pack two lightbulbs into a microwave-sized box. Can confirm.

6. Right wing politicians really don't like not being in front of people. Which is kind of weird, since they don't seem to like people.
7. Sometimes I find myself wondering if the person who invented the salad bar sneeze guard back in olden times truly knew what they were on to.

8. I started counting and measuring stuff I never counted before. Just because I'm bored and it takes my spit 26 seconds to hit the ground from the bridge near my place.
9. My shoes are exactly one foot long. Which is kind of a spooky coincidence, right?
10. Chipmunks are punks.

11. My old doggo Finn had it right all along. Sleep. Eat. Walk. Pee. Poop. Play. Watch ball bounce down the stairs. Repeat. I'm still not sold on all the butt sniffing though.
12. If you really set your mind to it, you can make a ham and cheese sandwich exactly 17 different ways.

13. I used to think 'Tucker' would be a cool name for a dog. But now I'm afraid if I name my next dog Tucker he'll be the goofy one at the off-leash park everyone laughs at.
14. I never thought I'd miss pulling clumps of my ex's hair out of the drain. Now I fantasize about it.

15. Where I once rode a dirt bike down the hall of my high school to win a bet for a twelver of Labatt 50 - now I get super anxious going the wrong way down the aspirin aisle at the Shoppers.
16. You can watch every season of Fargo, Peaky Blinders, Ozark and The Office 12 times.

17. My father has an irrational fear of "the Zoom", Google Streetview and wearing face masks with a floral print.
18. All the holes in your ear do close up after 10 years and it's best to use the old towels to clean up all the blood.
19. Eyebrow piercings were always a bad idea.

20. If I really set my mind to it I can win almost half the arguments I have with myself.
21. Bacon can be a snack. Still testing Pocket Snack Theory though.
22. The hashtag #livingmybestlife died with the pandemic. And all those fields of roadside sunflowers are okay with that.

23. The Arkells are a national treasure. Also, pocket bacon.
24. I've worked virtually for 15 years. And my sanity has never suffered for it. But I still say chipmunks are punks.
25. If you find yourself screaming into the abyss too much then stop watching that Trump rally.

26. If this pandemic's taught me anything: If Zombies ever attack I sure hope I have a good-sized chest freezer by then.
27. During a crisis, populist politicians are about as useful as an engine block heater in Winnipeg in January after your neighbour steals your extension cord.

28. "Flirty Purple" is not the best nail polish colour for my complexion.
29. I never thought anything could be worse than living through 80's hair and fashion. But, here we are.
30. Thank Gawd for music. And kindness and good health. Oh, and pocket bacon.