Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Ontario's Premier is governing the province utilizing the Cheesecake and Prayers model.
2. With Covid numbers still on the rise across the province, Ontario's Health Minister has a good feeling about that changing soon.
3. Nuns are sexy

4. Jason Kenney acknowledges oil may not be Alberta's saviour after all. Then reenacts the scenes from The Boys when people's heads spontaneously explode.
5. Alberta releases new school curriculum. Includes mandating hairshirts and rosaries as new official school uniforms.

6. Trudeau tells CPC if his government's as corrupt as they say it is then they should overturn it. CPC says "We could if we wanted! But we don't feel like it!"
7. Scheer appears in airport wearing a suit and slippers with no mask. Says his CERB isn't enough to cover new shoes.

8. Singh says government is the worst ever, but not bad enough to force Canadians to shovel their driveways to go vote.
9. MPs first elected 2015 say not voting in favour of toppling the government has nothing to do with them not being eligible for their pension until next year.

10. Kenney uses his giant Healthcare Promise to protect marble countertop as he slices team pizzas at the War Room's Free Lunch Friday.
11. Shandro says nudging Alberta into private healthcare has nothing to do with his owning a stake in private healthcare. Then eats free pizza.

12. Doug cancels ranked ballot voting for cities and municipalities after learning London's use of it two years ago was successful and resulted in a more diverse city council. Ford says the ranked ballot system kills endangered bats.
13. Apparently Lecce has a thing for nuns?

14. Doug dresses up as an 800-pound gorilla to announce he's cancelling Halloween.
15. Doug says there are some bad actors running LTCs but no one should be allowed to sue Mike Harris anyway.
16. Doug promises flu shots. Flu shots get lost with first shipment of Buck-a-Beers.

17. O'Toole and CPC shut down their meme factory and begin offering a collaborative approach to developing solutions. No, this didn't happen. Just making sure you're still paying attention here.
18. Rempel outrages a little more than Poilievre this week. Poilievre is outraged.

19. Trump says he's the least racist of all the Proud Boys.
20. Biden says he'll govern for all people, not just those who voted for him. Trump yells, "China!" then starts doing the head bob from A Night at the Roxy.
21. Ivanka Googles "pawn shops antique White House furniture."

22. Doug says cancelling Halloween breaks his heart but promises next year kids will get more candy, cheap beer and cheaper hydro rates.
23. Ontarians confused by government's lockdown criteria work off their anxiety at local dance studios.
24. Ontario nuns are the hottest nuns.

25. After a 20-year relationship, I divorced Toronto this week. Tried to make it work. But finally decided Toronto was just too high maintenance. Also, it kept dropping pieces of the Gardiner on my head.

But I'll miss her.

Except the parking & dog poop.