Thread by @VespertilioGem

Good Evening, Followers! Tonight, as a little treat, I will be #Kissmatewatches-ing a little diddy called "Happiest Season" starring KStew.

I've heard good, bad, and ugly about this, so I'm excited to give this a try! And a little worried. Lot worried.

A warning to heed: There is homophobia via the family. And it's about surviving them through the holidays. This will be my only tag for this, since it's going to be inescapable.

#Kissmatewatches We get a fun little Christmas song with Christmas card type art telling the story of two women falling in love and moving in together while the credits play. Cute, sweet, like a scrapbook or something.

#Kissmatewatches First joke is about a Santa Claus endangering children's lives. Tasteless. Then Harper and Abby (Davis and KStew respectively) talk about why Abby doesn't like Christmas. And I'm getting flashbacks.

#Kissmatewatches "How can you not like the lights and decorations and Christmas trees?"
As someone who isn't a huge C-mas person and was forced to watch a ton of C-mas specials, this is a conversation I've seen/had a thousand times too many.

#Kissmatewatches Harper and Abby talk about Christmas and then get in trouble for climbing on top of a roof that's not theirs. A woman yells at them before turning back to her partner dressed in a goofy reindeer outfit and leather cuffs.
Is this what people think comedy is now?

#Kissmatewatches At least we get cute scenes of them kissing and being a couple. Harper tries to uninvite Abby from family Christmas, but Abby is determined to wake up Christmas morning with her favorite person. Aww!

#Kissmatewatches Abby meets with her gay best friend, John, to get him to pet sit. I like John.
She also picks up an engagement ring to give Harper on Christmas. John is unhappy that she's trying to trap Harper in a heteronormative cage and make Harper her property. His words.

#Kissmatewatches I like John, but he's 100% the gayest stereotype you could ever make. It's like Will and Grace but made in 2016. For the Millennials.

#Kissmatewatches Okay, but this?

https://twitter.com/AnaMardoll/status/1333590721870368775

#Kissmatewatches Harper drops on Abby that she never came out to her parents to the point of lying about the fact she did. And dropped it ON THE WAY THERE. Abby is rightfully pissed. And I'm not liking Harper at all. Abby can do LOTS better.

#Kissmatewatches By the way, all we know about Abby is she isn't fond of Christmas because she lost her parents around that time and she likes pets. All we know about Harper is she's a liar and likes Christmas. Nothing else. Very little characterization.

#Kissmatewatches Harper is using the "My Roommate Has Dead Parents" so the family will be cool with Abby coming over. THAT'S FULL FUCKED UP. That's a breach of privacy!

#Kissmatewatches So now we meet the family! The movie wants to go scene by scene for each one, so let's go Tweet by Tweet!

#Kissmatewatches Tipper, mother: "going Viral" on Instagram giving a sneak peek into the life of her family. She's clearly the peacekeeper and social busybody.

#Kissmatewatches Jane, sister: handy-woman of the house, shit on by the rest of the family, and gets too emotional over things that don't concern her. She's going to be the movie's punching bag, I can read between the lines.

#Kissmatewatches Ted, father: wanting to become mayor, VERY cishet patriarch. Dotes and loves on older sister Harper while keeping younger sister Jane in the "free servant" section of the family.

#Kissmatewatches Sloane, eldest sister: clearly trophy child, not here yet. Was attorney, has twins, now makes gift baskets.

#Kissmatewatches Okay, in the middle of the tour of the house, there's one funny joke where KStew tries to pretend she's had LOTS of boyfriends, but not too many. It's... It's a good joke. The one good joke so far.

#Kissmatewatches Abby is forced to sleep in another room separate from Harper, so there goes the "wake up Christmas morning with the love of your life" plan.

#Kissmatewatches The Jane torture is egregious and really awkward. I won't put it all here, but she's the movie's punching bag. Uncomfortably so. I didn't want to be right.
I want to hug her and give her therapy.

#Kissmatewatches Conner, Harper's Ex: The boyfriend from high school that the parents really want Harper to get with. Probably because he's so handsome and semi-successful. I got a bet saying he's either gay or some flavor of queer at the end of this movie.

#Kissmatewatches Tipper secretly asked Conner to join them for dinner to try and play matchmaker. Ew. Also, everyone introduces Abby as "the orphan". Even though that's a word used mostly towards smaller children, not grown-ass adults. It's belittling and annoyingly intimate.

#Kissmatewatches Harper has lied about EVERYTHING from her past and her life. Abby isn't as pissed as she should be. It's annoying. Also, lots of secretive "I hate not being able to kiss you" which I've been there. So mood.

#Kissmatewatches Abby calls John about how much Harper is a liar and he is immediately "I knew there was some shady shit". I would ride or die for John, damned be the stereotype-hate.

#Kissmatewatches There. Are creepy twins. Watching Abby sleep. I am not okay with this.
They're Sloan's twins, and Sloan is the worst. Rude and icy shoulders. Harper hates her too. Her twins are not acting like kids, and I don't like it?

#Kissmatewatches So Sloan married a black man named Eric. He's energetic, good guy.
But they have these twins that don't act like kids. And it's not as funny as the movie thinks it is. It's... actually creepy and stupid. And since they're biracial, it makes me uncomfortable.

#Kissmatewatches Sloan and Harper hate each other so much, that they can't help but make everything a competition. Even ice-skating. It's not even done in a funny way. Just extreme.

#Kissmatewatches They head to some party where Ted takes Harper away to impress someone (IDK why). Sloan seems to have ideas that Harper and Abby may be together, but it's all insinuated.

#Kissmatewatches I do notice that Ted is getting his middle child to do all the impressing. Sloan married a black man and Jane is too autistic-coded to be of any use (which I hate). There's some serious racism and ableism tacked on alongside the homophobia. And I hate it.

#Kissmatewatches Abby gets a call from John who tries to tell her to just get out already. Riley, Harper's ex, tries to connect with Abby, but Abby is too dense and Riley too polite.

#Kissmatewatches There's a bit where Abby tries to go to Harper's room to surprise her, but Harper end up in Abby's room where they have some sexual fun, I think.
In a room with no lock and family upstairs. BAD MOVE.

#Kissmatewatches They almost get caught, but not yet.
Abby and Sloan get stuck going to the mall so the twins can see Santa. And the twins think its cute to make Abby steal an item by accident. They grin. It's... Why did they have to be biracial? This is uncomfortable.

#Kissmatewatches The mall cops are blown out of proportion. And it's not funny. It's back-raising.

#Kissmatewatches And now Abby is being thrown out of the dinner because no one ever suspects misunderstandings. And Abby is looking sad and alone. Again. Take a shot, I guess.

#Kissmatewatches Riley meets up with her. AND TAKES HER TO A DRAG BAR I LOVE IT.
Riley talks about the past. Harper outed Riley in high school and called Riley a stalker instead of getting them both outed. Because that's what good girlfriends do. I hate Harper.

#Kissmatewatches Okay, but I want Riley and Abby to get together? I feel Riley would be way better a partner.

#Kissmatewatches The moment the two are back together, Abby is obviously unhappy but Harper wants to stay because drunk with old friends who are hetero? I hate Harper. I had to look at my husband and basically promise I would never be like Harper. This is NOT a good partner!

#Kissmatewatches It's 2 AM and Harper is still flirting with Conner. Why? She's lying to Conner now. He wondered if she was never really truthful to him, and she's lying it up again.

#Kissmatewatches I used to know a Harper. She's either truthful to a fault or lying so deep that you can't see the bottom. She gaslights Abby when Abby was just worried about her. She actively throws other people under the bus so she doesn't get blamed. I'm having emotions.

#Kissmatewatches Abby is trying to get out, but is too expensive. John is at a lost too. So Abby hangs out with Riley. And Harper is surprised? And pissed? Fuck her anger.

#Kissmatewatches All of Harper's family thinks Abby is a thief, to the point of the mother accusing Abby of stealing her broach. The biracial kids and their black father perform for a house of mostly white people. Akwardsville. Population this movie.

#Kissmatewatches JOHN HAS COME TO SAVE ABBY!!!
RIDE OR DIE! RIDE OR DIE! RIDE OR DIE!

#Kissmatewatches They have a huge blowout. Abby is right and Harper is being selfish. "I'm not hiding you, I'm hiding me!" And that means hiding your girlfriend. So yes, you're hiding her. Focus on someone else other than you and your shitty parents please.

#Kissmatewatches Harper has been emotionally vacant this whole trip and Abby has every right to walk away.

#Kissmatewatches Sloane walks in on them. While they try to get Sloane to hush, we find Eric in the closet with another woman. And Sloane knew about it. (Really? The black guy gets with the only non-white woman in the movie as an open relationship joke? EW)

#Kissmatewatches The sisters fight. John tries to hetero it up with Conner. It gets into the party. Sloane outs Harper and Abby. Harper reaches for her lies. Abby walks out. In anger, Harper destroys Jane's painting. Jane snaps with self love and anger!

#Kissmatewatches John walks with Abby. She talks about her family loving Christmas, and how this was supposed to rekindle her old love. Harper is ruining it by being an abusive and emotionally unsupportive partner.

#Kissmatewatches John has an amazing speech about coming out to your parents having a world of results, but everyone is still scared of that huge unknown. It's a great scene that doesn't belong here.

#Kissmatewatches Harper doesn't want to come out because she's scared of losing her parents. That's fine. That doesn't excuse the rest of her actions.

#Kissmatewatches Guests leave. Ted blows up at the girls, still favoring Harper. Harper gets Abby involved and tells them all that she's gay. She confesses her love. Sloane comes clean about her divorce. Jane "is an ally". That was a bad joke.

#Kissmatewatches Abby goes to leave, saying what Harper did was too late (AGREED). John goes to help Abby pack while Harper cries.

#Kissmatewatches Tipper gives a speech to Ted about not knowing what perfect is but still trying to reach it. She hasn't earned this talk. She's done nothing but scrutinize and hate. Same as Ted. Is this an attempt at a parents trying to be good scene? Hate it.

#Kissmatewatches Harper tracks Abby down and talks about wanting a second chance. She's making this a big scene so Abby will like it. I've had this used on me. It unfortunately works often. Also, she's lying about not caring about her parents thoughts. It's so obvious.

#Kissmatewatches Oh look, Abby kisses Harper and gives her a second chance. Yay. Happy swelling moment for the ones who still want to see these two together. Not me.

#Kissmatewatches Christmas morning, Ted has a speech of some kind... I didn't listen. But everyone's happy and having a good Christmas, I guess. Ted gets a call and he sacrifices his campaign so Harper can live as herself.

#Kissmatewatches Epilogue.
Jane wrote, edited, and published her book in one year! AND MADE BEST SELLER.
Eric is out of the picture. They watch a movie. The End. Most needed epilogue. Cleared up some plot holes and questions I had.

#Kissmatewatches Harper's actions are a trigger for me. Abby deserved better and is too forgiving. John is the best thing in this movie, and he's not in it long enough.
There's a few redeemable moments you could find on YouTube, but that's about it.

#Kissmatewatches I expected a lot more homophobia or queerphobia, but instead we get a lot of racism and ableism thrown in our faces and expected to laugh along. I'm not laughing. It's not worth it. But seriously, where... Where was the homophobia? We got ONE line of lifestyles.

#Kissmatewatches In fact, the parents were more supportive, but only AFTER they were at their lowest! WHICH IS OUT OF CHARACTER! Seriously, Tipper would be downing wine and blowing up Insta, or something! Ted would be red-faced screaming!

#Kissmatewatches Am I saying every movie needs to be homophobic for that "real experience"? Hell no! THIS ONE almost promised it and didn't. And I think it suffered for it. Or at least Harper not getting with Abby!

#Kissmatewatches I need to just walk away and sleep. This was not a good one.

4/10, go watch the old Grinch instead. Or It's A Wonderful Life. Or Die Hard. There's better Christmas movies out there. And it doesn't require Hulu either.

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