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Geraldine Profile picture
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5 Dec, 25 tweets, 4 min read
My husband found out that I have never seen Tombstone and now I'm watching Val Kilmer die of consumption.
Okay, so every white male actor from the 90s is in this. Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Sam Elliott, Bill Paxton, Billy Zane, Billy Bob Thorton.

Also, the romantic lead is ... Dana Delaney? Who has been given terrible dialogue.
Wyatt Earp's wife is an addict and this is stressing him out, but honestly it's not like there's another treatment for headaches in the late 1800s, give her a break.
"Frederick Fucking Chopin" - OMG, Val Kilmer has all the best lines.
Oh, man, Sam Elliott just called for reasonable gun legislation and people are NOT happy.
Okay I don't know too much about tuberculosis but I think you aren't supposed to smoke.
Oh my God, this is fucking tense.
Husband: how come you don't wear a bustle?

Me: Don't need one, babe; all natch.
Me: I think this movie romanticizes the Old West.

Him: Really?

Me: No, I just wanna bang Val Kilmer.
Husband just did his Doc Holliday impression, and we might not finish this movie. 😍
Oh, Sam Elliott. 💔
Oh no, oh no. Bill Paxton. This one hurts.
THIS JUST GOT SUPER EMO.
It has taken two years and I just learned my husband has been quoting this movie in DnD campaigns.
"I got lots of friends."

"I don't."

Did Val Kilmer get a nomination for this? Because he deserved it.
This love story is bad.
Charlton Heston is in this and I think that's *prolonged fart noises*
This is a much better love story.
"My hypocrisy goes only so far."

Fuck me, I just ovulated.
"There is no normal life, there is just life."
Oh my god, Doc is begging Wyatt to leave so he can die alone.
There are eight better love stories in this movie than this one.
Okay wow, I have comments but most of them are "VAL KILMER A-WOOGA" (hits head with own shoe.)
Crazily enough this movie passes the Bechtel test because two of the women talk about opiates.
Disappointing that a movie with great dialogue wrote such terrible lines for female characters.

Anyway. This is why we need more women screenwriters. *Ahem.*

I'm done. Damn.

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More from @everywhereist

Geraldine Profile picture
4 Oct 19
Attention writers! Yeah, you. It looks like you have a story to tell.

I can see it, just itching to get out of you, pulling at the corners of your mouth and making your one eye not open properly because you're thinking about it.

It's time to do something about it.
"UGH, BUT I DON'T WANT TO, I'M HAPPY CONTORTING MY FACE IN AN EFFORT TO I IGNORE MY HEART."

No. Just no. You need to share it. Because all that weird itchiness you feel in your heart? It goes away when you start writing.

Don't get me wrong: it's deeply uncomfortable.
But not doing it is worse. Trust me on this. TRUST ME.

You're probably scared your work isn't good. And it might not be. But it can't get better until you make a first draft and revise it. You can't get it out of bad until you get it out of your head.

So it's time to do that.
Read 4 tweets
Geraldine Profile picture
1 Jun 19
The Joker should have been a woman. And she finally went insane because too many random dudes told her to smile, so now she perpetually smiles while terrorizing Gotham.
She becomes a sort of folk hero for the women of Gotham. She unleashes financial records for companies that don't compensate women properly. She blackmails cheaters and misogynists. She threatens the goddamn Patriarchy. It's terrifying and wonderful.
The Batman needs to stop her to restore the order of things, but on some level, he's conflicted. She's a villain. But she's right.
Read 19 tweets
Geraldine Profile picture
4 May 19
Inventor of the Microwave: I have invented a new kind of oven that is FASTER.

Humanity: Ooooh, awesome. So I can roast this chicken in like, half the time?

IotM: Oh. Oh, wait, was that something you wanted to do?

H: Um, yes?

IotM: Okay, wow you are going to be disappointed.
H: Oh, I see - it's way too small for a chicken. Okay. I'll just make toast really REALLY quickly.

IotM: Yeah, it's not really that kind of oven.

H: It can't make toast, either?

IotM: It can't really "cook" things.

H: It's a oven that can't really cook things?

IotM: EXACTLY.
H: ...

IotM: But it can WARM up food.

H: Oh. Actually, that sounds fine. I actually have this frozen burrito I'd really like to heat up.

IotM: You ... you want the whole thing heated up?

H: Of course.

IotM: Even the middle?

H: Uh, yeah.

IotM: Are you sure?

H: YES.
Read 7 tweets
Geraldine Profile picture
19 Apr 19
Inventor of the Dishwasher: I HAVE CREATED SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ALL YOUR LIVES EASIER.

Humanity: WHOA. So we just put dirty dishes in and it cleans them?

IoDW: Um, no. You need to wash them first.

H: Uh...

IoDW: Not thoroughly. Just, like, what you'd do if you were drunk.
H: Okay, and then it gets the dishes SUPER clean though, right?

IoDW: Ha ha ha oh, god, no. Several of the dishes will still be dirty.

H: Right.

IoDW: Because you did not "pre-wash" them properly.

H: Before putting them in the machine that washes them.

IoDW: Yes.
H: Okay. So I put all my dishes in here and-

IoDW: Not all your dishes.

H: Oh.

IoDW: Just the ones you don't really like. The others need to be hand-washed.

H: Okay.

IoDW: And you need special soap.

H: I can't use the same soap I use to handwash dishes?

IoDW: Ha ha ha no
Read 7 tweets
Geraldine Profile picture
15 Apr 19
HELLO, I HAVE NEVER SEEN GAME OF THRONES AND I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU WHAT I THINK IT IS ABOUT BASED ON WHAT I HAVE LEARNED VIA OSMOSIS (a thread).

It takes place in olden dragon times, where everyone had the plague and also dragons.

There's a lot of murder and rape.
I think Aquaman was briefly in it, but then someone murdered him, because everyone on the show gets murdered. Or raped. This was quite early on.

He was married to some skinny blonde lady who has a lot of dragons? She's now out for revenge. Something something Westeros.
Also there was some child king named Joffrey and apparently he married his sister, who was in The Hunger Games and whose haircut almost caused me to shave half my head.

I think he murdered her on maybe their wedding night? Then someone poisoned his wine and he also died.
Read 10 tweets
Geraldine Profile picture
22 Jan 19
Oooh, this is fun. Let's talk about how being a citizen works.

Kamala was born in Oakland. The U.S. has something pretty rare - it's called birthright citizenship. It means that if you were born here, you are a citizen of this country, no matter where your parents are from.
There are other paths to citizenship even if you aren't born in the U.S. - you can become a naturalized citizen. This is the 5-year status as a resident with a green card that Wohl refers to. I have friends/relatives who've done this.
This is detailed here: uscis.gov/citizenship/ed…

Wohl claims Kamala's parents weren't citizens when she was born. This seems to be true. But that doesn't matter. She was born here. If you were born here, you are a natural-born citizen. Doesn't matter if your parents are or not.
Read 7 tweets

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