Thread by @everywhereist

Inventor of the Microwave: I have invented a new kind of oven that is FASTER.

Humanity: Ooooh, awesome. So I can roast this chicken in like, half the time?

IotM: Oh. Oh, wait, was that something you wanted to do?

H: Um, yes?

IotM: Okay, wow you are going to be disappointed.

H: Oh, I see - it's way too small for a chicken. Okay. I'll just make toast really REALLY quickly.

IotM: Yeah, it's not really that kind of oven.

H: It can't make toast, either?

IotM: It can't really "cook" things.

H: It's a oven that can't really cook things?

IotM: EXACTLY.

H: ...

IotM: But it can WARM up food.

H: Oh. Actually, that sounds fine. I actually have this frozen burrito I'd really like to heat up.

IotM: You ... you want the whole thing heated up?

H: Of course.

IotM: Even the middle?

H: Uh, yeah.

IotM: Are you sure?

H: YES.

IotM: But wouldn't you prefer if the middle were still frozen?

H: Why would I want that?

IotM: Because it would make life exciting. Imagine, a nice warm burrito, then *BOOM* FROZEN BEANS.

H: This oven can't heat the middle of my frozen burrito, can it?

IotM: Ha ha ha, no.

H: <heavy sigh> Please tell me specifically what this thing can do.

IotM: It is great at melting things.

H: Okay-

IotM: Unless you want them melted, at which point, holy shit, they will NOT melt.

H: ...

IotM: Seriously, try melting butter in this thing.

IotM: It is good at reheating drinks though.

H: That feels like a very specific purpose.

IotM: And leftovers? But you'll have to stir them and put them back in a lot. But it does work.

H: Okay. I guess I can see value here.

IotM: See?! Would you like a cup of tea?

H: Sure.

IotM: Great. Okay, it'll take me a few minutes.

H: That's generally how long tea takes.

IotM: And be careful because the cup is going to be really hot.

H: <sigh>

IotM: And the water might still be cold.

H: How does that even-

IotM: SHHHH JUST THINK HOW EXCITING IT'LL BE.