Thread by @everywhereist

Inventor of the Dishwasher: I HAVE CREATED SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ALL YOUR LIVES EASIER.

Humanity: WHOA. So we just put dirty dishes in and it cleans them?

IoDW: Um, no. You need to wash them first.

H: Uh...

IoDW: Not thoroughly. Just, like, what you'd do if you were drunk.

H: Okay, and then it gets the dishes SUPER clean though, right?

IoDW: Ha ha ha oh, god, no. Several of the dishes will still be dirty.

H: Right.

IoDW: Because you did not "pre-wash" them properly.

H: Before putting them in the machine that washes them.

IoDW: Yes.

H: Okay. So I put all my dishes in here and-

IoDW: Not all your dishes.

H: Oh.

IoDW: Just the ones you don't really like. The others need to be hand-washed.

H: Okay.

IoDW: And you need special soap.

H: I can't use the same soap I use to handwash dishes?

IoDW: Ha ha ha no

H: So I load the dishes in and -

IoDW: The methodology of that will be a heated topic of debate. Wars will be waged. Relationships will end.

H: Because of how the dishes went in the machine.

IoDW: Some people put cutlery with the handles down. Some with the handles up.

H: Surely it doesn't matter.

IoDW: You would think, wouldn't you?

H: But what if a friend comes over and wants to help uh, "load" this dishwasher?

IoDW: You cannot allow that.

H: I tell them that they can't help?

IoDW: You will say it kindly, but your voice will be steel.

H: Why ... why did you invent this?

IoDW: To make life easier. And because I want you to remember that with every advancement comes sacrifice. To exist is to suffer.

H: Maybe I'll just wash them by hand.

IoDW: Sure. If you want to do it the hard way.

This is where I should probably link to a SoundCloud for my pet hamster's band or something, but she's on hiatus and it's a whole *thing* right now. So if you liked this, please consider buying my book. :)

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