Thread by @everywhereist

HELLO, I HAVE NEVER SEEN GAME OF THRONES AND I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU WHAT I THINK IT IS ABOUT BASED ON WHAT I HAVE LEARNED VIA OSMOSIS (a thread).

It takes place in olden dragon times, where everyone had the plague and also dragons.

There's a lot of murder and rape.

I think Aquaman was briefly in it, but then someone murdered him, because everyone on the show gets murdered. Or raped. This was quite early on.

He was married to some skinny blonde lady who has a lot of dragons? She's now out for revenge. Something something Westeros.

Also there was some child king named Joffrey and apparently he married his sister, who was in The Hunger Games and whose haircut almost caused me to shave half my head.

I think he murdered her on maybe their wedding night? Then someone poisoned his wine and he also died.

Peter Dinklage is in it, and he ... I don't actually know what he does. But my impression is that his character deals with a lot of emotional abuse from other characters, which makes me sad because I loved him in The Station Agent.

Also, he's ruthless and murders?

There's a woman who looks like Mother Superior from The Sound of Music, and I think she murders a lot of people. While dressed like a nun.

I think she also rings a bell and yells, "SHAME" but that might be another show?

Also, Jon Snow is apparently really important, and was thought to be dead and then came back to life and is now dead again, I think?

I don't think there are any good guys on this show but maybe Jon Snow is one?

There's a big eyed girl who looks 12 but is actually a fully-grown adult and her name is Arya Stark, and her family has been murdered and ... that just seems like a bad idea.

I mean, badass name + desire for vengeance = killing machine. Duh. Did Greek tragedies teach us NOTHING?

Anyway, now they are all fighting for, uh, the throne. In the title. And there are these elves which ... I don't know, look like the dark elves in the second Thor movie? And they're somehow in the mix. And so are the dragons.

There's probably going to be a twist ending, wherein you THINK that one person is going to take the throne but then a minor character who you either thought was dead or had written off double-crosses them or literally stabs them in the back.

AND EVERYONE WILL BE LIKE, "NO WAY."

And then someone ELSE will take the throne, but there will be some teaser - some OTHER person waiting in the wings, quietly with a knife, and it's like, "OH NO, YOU ARE ALSO GOING TO BE MURDERED, WILL THIS WACKY GAME OF THRONES EVER END?"

Answer: it will not. The end.

/thread