Weekend Musings

Step by step guide on how to prove via SM photographs that you have embraced Class and crawled out of your Indian middle class origins and are ready to look down upon fellow Indians with that high society subtle and pretentious scoff and ‘OMG’!

Let’s go -
1. ‘The book I’m reading’ photograph isn’t about the book. It should have a frappe, cappuccino, anychino..basically any Barista level fancy stuff. Coz honestly neither you nor your friends understand or use French press or Colombian beans. An eatable, casually thrown around, but
make sure the label is visible. And it HAS to be some foreign brand of cookies, cheese, cake you picked up at your last Khan market visit and we’re saving for this photograph. Try Scandinavian brands. No one understands what’s written and everyone will assume it’s really fancy.
And all this should cover not more than 30-40% of space in your photograph. Rest should be of the ‘view’ of the localé which ‘ OMG I wasn’t even aiming at but it just came in picture’ kinda stuff. An opportunity to show your house, garden, hotel etc. Make sure the beverage is
in a big cup. Never China. That’s Middle class. Go for those heavy stone/ Earth shade ones that prove how you always prefer staying connected to ground but everyone know they are pretty costly at those fancy stores. You can also buy them from road side vendors and fool everyone.
2. Prefix/Suffix- ‘Bestest, Best ever, OMG’..ahead of everything you want to actually disassociate with. Like “OMG..this Namkeen is the bestest ever”. This will maintain your Marie Antoinette type aura that you’ve never eaten even Bhujiya Namkeen and first time you had it,
you’re so impressed. This is the grey area of ‘too classy but wanting to be simple’ you wanna continue manipulating.

3.Precise vocabulary proves you’re middle class and had to study hard to learn stuff. Stay vague an aristocratic by using few generic royal words like ‘Like,wow
cool, super’ etc etc. These add to your persona of having Eagle’s view of world and not bothering with petty things like words.

4. Relatives and non celebrity friends are liabilities. Stick to posing with and posting photographs with Celebs. If you’re going for the mature,
intellectual and classy vibe, get yourself invited to someone’s house who’s a little known in literally circles and get clicked, and then post saying ...”Oh Gosh, look at that. I didn’t even know someone was taking this picture with Somerset Maugham.” Don’t worry, people are
idiots. No one will care that even though you’re so aghast and shocked, yet you’re so keenly posting these pictures. You’re smart and keep the faith 👍

5. Mention and show wine while you’re holding those goblets in your hand in the picture. Whiskey is middle class. Scotch is
also good but lot of scotch drinkers might ask you something and then you wouldn’t know. Cognac is beyond your cognitive grasp. Hence, Wine. Add Bordeaux ahead of anything and it’ll roll. There are millions of wine brands in the world and no one can know. It’s anyway drink of
Elite and the special strata of society.

6. Don’t ever be seen around Chhole Bhature, Tikki, Aaloo Matar etc etc. You know what I mean. Photoshop the damn thing if somehow it made it into your photograph. Always have cheese platter, Kebabs, any crap that’s not Indian. The more
confusing the name, better for you. Desi lot have somehow moved past the Gates of Pasta so it won’t sell anymore as the royal food you wanna associate yourself with. Again, don’t worry. People will never guess that you eat same old dal-roti at home. It’ll stay a secret 👍
7. And finally, never miss an opportunity to capitalise on a Western holiday/Festival. Doesn’t matter if you don’t know why they celebrate Thanksgiving or Halloween. Don’t let all the education you gained from watching FRIENDS or HIMYM etc to waste by not celebrating. And the
beauty of it is, like all others like you, all you have to do it get a cake, shove a spiral candle in it, bring your face close to it and ‘CLICK’ happy Halloween/Thanksgiving/Independence day of Slovakia...anything. You can raise the bar by wearing a mask or painting your face
with white powder, making two vampire teeth and drops of blood..and you’re successfully part of the 99.99% of the cool people celebrating Halloween by dressing alike. Don’t worry, nobody is judging you for your lack of imagination. As long as you’ve managed to look like a
malnutrition affected Vampire from India during British era, you’ve made it 👍

I think this should get u started. Stop worrying coz one can see past your facade. Everyone will be fooled by your well placed but - oh my God how did this Norwegian Cheese got here - stunt. Have
faith in planning and ability to prove that you’re not part of the crowd Coz you’ve started consuming the most basic n bourgeois food of countries devoid of spices, fruits etc, n had to attack others even for black pepper.
Best wishes. Let anything you do never go unposted 👍

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More from @Manik_M_Jolly

25 Dec
So I’ve been watching a lot of Golf videos and reading a lot about it. Feeling confident, I joined Golfers discussion forums and started throwing advices and suggestions around to people who have been playing for decades. Soon enough, someone asked me “ It’s good that you know..
all about the type of Irons, Drivers etc etc and your science on wind etc is good..but have you ever played Golf?” I said No, but I surely can play better than all of you since I know all the theory. It’s just that I never got a chance to play and now I can’t. Since then..
no one argues with me. They let me say whatever I want to. I think I won 😊😊And now I have even started commenting on game play of some actual Professional ranked players, and whenever somebody tied to stop me, I bombard them with so much data, they back off and let me..
Read 4 tweets
9 Dec
#TravelDiaries Couple of years back, I was got a chance to electrify one of the last remaining unnelectrified villages in India (Dist Majuli, Assam). A small island right in middle of mighty Brahmaputra. The scenic beauty of this region is unmatched. It was a daunting task,..
that involved taking entire equipment by road and air till Guwahati, then by small vehicles to boat, then by boat to a major island, then by road to other end of island, and then by boat to our project island and finally by cycles, motorcycles and tractor to the village.
When you reach such remote areas of the world, and realise the minimalistic approach to materialism the residents of such areas have, n still satisfied, it’s eye opening and a wake up call. A big reason why I’ve always continued to work in rural electrification and water access.
Read 6 tweets
20 Nov
BREAKING #NagrotaAttack #OSINT

A dear friend sent this image with a smiley and said - connect the dots. So I got onto it !

Its a brilliant breakthrough to prove yet again, Pak sponsored terrorism.

The phone belongs to company called MEI, in Pakistan. Mei.com.pk Image
Here are some insights :
1. The company specialises in making communication equipment. In my yesterday’s analysis, I pointed out that there was a charger present which now looks a lot like Multi slot version of the one one shown in their brochure.
2. The bands given are.. Image
banned in India, this making tracing the communication within India nearly impossible.

3. One of their offices is INSIDE Lahore Cantt. If they were equipped there, the distance from Lahore to launching point near Nagrota is much of a stretch. This also can link how the company Image
Read 9 tweets
19 Nov
Looks like a major attack was thwarted by brave and timely action of Indian Army. So what all items and why were these four guys carrying so much stuff. Let’s see :

1. Assault Rifles : Looks like normal AK47 (Russian), AK56 (Chinese) and few Type 81 (Chinese). For them to ..
carry all this means -
i) were to meet some more terrorists and carry out coordinated attacks. These guys were brining in arms and ammo for them too.
ii) they were planning to hide out for long in the area. Place lot of weapons at different places. Get them from time to time,
attack, dispose off weapon and vanish in crowd.
Security forces and Int agencies on ground would know better.

2. Plastic wrapped means they i)crossed a water body with weapons on them
ii) or They were planning to
iii) the weapons were under land and snow for some time
Read 8 tweets
7 Nov
As these fine gentlemen of 139th course walk through the Quarter Deck in Parade Ground of National Defence Academy, it’s a good moment to share something I wrote about #NDA long time back.

1. Being hungry is state of mind. If you missed your meal and

end up mentioning it, you’ll be made to do more exercise to forget about it.

2. Everything is mental. Only academics , academics are physical. If you don’t remember what is the answer to a question in exam, just shout your squadron name, it’ll come galloping to your
mind. Like shouting “Limaaaaa” in my case ensured I passed all my exams. Such battles cries in otherwise Peaceful and quaint exam halls are not considered weird.

3. Sports like hockey, football, basketball etc have a component called ‘ball’ in them just to distract you
Read 10 tweets
5 Nov
Firstly : Honorary General, not Chief. How can Chief be honorary ? A rank can be honorary in Army, Not appointment.
Secondly : this has been a tradition since 1950, when Gen KM Cariappa was conferred with this honor. It’s nothing new or ‘big step’.
Thirdly : Even
Nepalese Army Chief is conferred with Honorary General’s rank in Indian Army. Last ceremony to this effect was in Jan 2019, when Nepalese COAS Purna Chandra Thapa was honoured with Honorary General’s rank by Indian President in Delhi, India.

And it’s not Royal Nepal Army anymore. It’s Nepalese Army which stand around one lakh strong. It stopped being Royal after monarchy was abolished in Nepal after nearly 250 years. Before RNA it used to be called Gurkha Army, when it was established in 1768. HQ in Kathmandu.
Read 4 tweets

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