Share this page!

adhd-angsty Profile picture
Twitter logo
31 Dec 20, 5 tweets, 2 min read
This got more traction than I expected so I just want to add: if you are neurodivergent, you NEED to create your own relationship norms. It you try to replicate neurotypical relationships, it will feel like hard work because you aren't neurotypical.
My partner and I really started making strides out of the "storming" stage of our relationship by embracing ADHD and (mostly me) letting go of neurotypical indicators of relationship success. For example, I really like talking about my day. I used to feel hurt that my...
...partner wouldn't take an interest in my day when we first got home, and wanted to watch tv over dinner instead of chatting. But this is actually because at that stage of the day, he is still too overstimulated to talk properly. Now we watch tv, and go to bed early to have...
...deep chats at night with all the lights/stimulus off. These are now the best parts of my day, but they required me letting go of the internalised belief that "quality time" had to happen during dinner.
Figuring out what is ACTUALLY important to me and my partner, and whether the actions and behaviours we're trying to practice are compatible with that, has made all the difference. Our relationship is a thousand times easier now that I embrace who we are and make accomodations.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
　

Keep Current with adhd-angsty

adhd-angsty Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @AdhdAngsty

adhd-angsty Profile picture
30 Dec 20
"All romantic relationships take hard work".

Maybe so, but also: The hardest part of your life shouldn't be your relationship. Your partner should be your teammate against the hard stuff, not the cause of it.
I internalised that "relationships require compromise" so much as a young adult and interpreted toxicity as normal. It wasn't. Yes, relationships require compromise and energy but it should feel good, not like a burden, trap, or responsibility.
My current partner and I have been together for three years. We both have ADHD, we have lots of idiosyncrasies that have taken active focus to work out. But I'm still so excited to wake up to him each morning, and all of our learning together feels rewarding and helps us grow.
Read 4 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
28 Dec 20
If I could get neurotypical people to do one thing, it would be to stop projecting intent onto neurodivergent people when there is none. Stop and think before you use words like flaky, lazy, messy, and rude re ND people, and reflect on what is actually underneath the behaviour.
E.g. your ADHD friend isn't late because they don't value your time- they find time universally hard to measure. Your autistic friend not making eye contact doesn't mean they're not listening. Dsypraxic clumsiness doesn't mean they're being careless.
The most exhausting thing about ADHD is managing the way people emotionally react to behaviours that have nothing to do with them, e.g. My Mum interpreting me leaving cupboard doors open as a lack of respect for how she keeps her kitchen. I have ADHD and forget them! I do try!
Read 5 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
23 Dec 20
"You don't have ADHD unless you showed symptoms as a child".
1. Most girls only start showing symptoms at puberty.
2. Parental support can mean ADHD is unintentionally managed
3. Kids who aren't middle class or white are interpreted as "naughty" so symptoms aren't documented.
4. Parents and teachers are not trained in spotting what ADHD can look like
5. Hallmark symptoms like daydreaming, sensitivity, and hyperfocus are rarely noticed by adults as ADHD
6. Parental pressure means some children will force themselves to "behave" regardless of ADHD
And most importantly 5. ADHD isn't some secret society you need the password to be part of! Stop gatekeeping and start sharing experiences so people can identify whether or not they DID actually have symptoms as children.
Read 6 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
21 Dec 20
Btw, if you're an ADHDer, your "productivity" will fluctuate. You'll have low output phases and hyperfocusy binges when you get 1000 things done. This isn't you failing and succeeding- your brain just doesn't function in the linear way you've been taught it should.
The world is designed around people that work in a straightforward and predictable way. ADHDer's energy and attention jumps around and we often complete things in a circular fashion. This is seen negatively through a neurotypical lens, but is really just a cognitive difference.
When forced to try and produce in a step-by-step, same each time way, we often get stuck. We get anxious, we start procrastinating. Because that's not how we WORK. We're driven by interest, emotion, and urgency, not tasks, responsibility and completion.
Read 5 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
19 Dec 20
Hi, if you're looking into ADHD and keep stopping yourself with the "but I'm probably just lazy", please know that everyone I've met who got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult felt the same way before diagnosis. You wouldn't be angsting over it so much it it was just laziness.
This is a subtweet at a dear friend of mine tbh, so ty for any engagement as I can use it as proof that she should take herself seriously!
Okay, I'm jumping on a flight now and there's just no way I can keep up with these notifications. Hoping you all can help each other out in the replies with some knowledge sharing and empathy x
Read 4 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
7 Dec 20
Remember that ADHD symptom lists are often descriptions of how symptoms manifest, rather than the ADHD itself e.g. losing things is not a symptom, poor short term memory is the symptom. The way ADHD manifests for you will be a product of your culture, identity, upbringing etc.
So if you've been raised in a family that is really judgemental about losing things, you likely have a bunch of strategies and anxiety that reduces how often you misplace your keys. That doesn't mean you don't have ADHD- it means ADHD manifests as anxiety in this space for you.
Same with the "interrupting/not listening" symptom, which is actually about attention regulation. My gender as a women means that there's societal pressure to listen. This manifests in me asking lots of (sometimes too) personal questions in convos to keep myself interested.
Read 6 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!

Like this author's thread?

Get emails when @AdhdAngsty has new unrolls!

Check out other threads from @AdhdAngsty!

Read all threads by @AdhdAngsty