Thread by @GuardianofJupi1

#xicheng #AU
I read a tweet wanting WWX and JC to have a huge age gap (6-8 years) but then, I realise they ship chengxian, so I'm kinda shy to qrt them with xicheng content.

Everyone is the same age, except for JC who's 8 years younger than WWX, making xicheng 10-year apart.
--

"Shige!" The corridor of Lotus Pier echoed with the voice of 16-year old Jiang Wanyin, running after 24-year old Wei Wuxian. The scowl on his face was deep as he hastened his steps to catch up with the laughing Wei Wuxian.

"Aiya! A-Cheng! If you want to catch me, you better move those little leg faster!"

"I'm not LITTLE!" Jiang Wanyin cried in outrage.

"As long as you can't reach my upright hands, you're still my little shidi!"

Jiang Wanyin huffed in frustration. It was bad enough he was the-

youngest among the junior disciples, and now, his mother thought he shouldn't go to Cloud Recesses on his own and demanding Wei Wuxian to accompany him for the duration he was there.

Didn't a-niang know he was a mile more mature than his shige? Didn't she know how he was the-

one who pulled Wei Wuxian from doing amongst the stupidest doings? He was the voice of reason, the adherent of rules and the one with thought more than just two steps ahead.

Shige never put so much thought on consequences and allowing him to go to 4,000-rule sect for the-

duration was a reckless decision.

"Come on! We need to pack up our things!"

Jiang Wanyin could only sigh in exasperation at his shige's jubilation that he could only pray to the heaven to grant him the needed patience and *strength* to pull Wei Wuxian from his recklessness.
--

"What are you doing!" Jiang Wanyin hissed when he saw Wei Wuxian quietly sneaked out of their assigned room. "The curfew has started."

"A-Cheng..." Wei Wuxian looked at him with a pair of huge eyes and wobbling lips. "I've been patient for three days. The food is bland, the-

drink is tea and the dinner is as silent as a tomb! I can't take this anymore!"

Jiang Wanyin crossed his arms across his chest, eyebrows drew close in disapproval, which was comical in Wei Wuxian's eyes because A-Cheng was 5 inches shorter and 8 years younger than him but-

already acting like a grumpy old man. Wei Wuxian couldn't take the sheer cuteness sometimes. Wasn't it less than 10 years ago, A-Cheng was begging him to carry him on his back? The last time he tried to pinch his meat-bun cheeks, A-Cheng had punched him hard in the chest.

His shidi was so violent sometimes...

"And what if the Gusu Lan disciples caught you? I heard Gusu Lan Sect's disciplinary cane is huge!"

"The word is *if*," Wei Wuxian winked. "When have you ever seen me got caught?"

Jiang Wanyin bugged his eyes out. "The hell you mean by-

that? Didn't you remember last month? A-niang made us kneel in ancestry hall for three hours! My knees *creaked*!"

"Have you ever seen me got caught *here*?" Wei Wuxian corrected and he proceeded to slide the door open slowly, ignoring Jiang Wanyin's indignant gasp.

The taller man tiptoed his way towards the outer courtyard while Jiang Wanyin could only watch with his mouth hang open at his shige's sheer audacity. He spent a few minutes debating with himself whether he should just let Wei Wuxian go into disaster (because he always would!) or

followed him to at least try prevent an even bigger disaster from happening.

"Ugh!" Jiang Wanyin growled under his breath, before walking after Wei Wuxian. ~Thank you, a-niang, for sending shige with me. I'd love skulking around Gusu Lan Sect like a damned thief, running after-

my stupid shige because he has zero impulse control!~

It wasn't the first time he wondered why the heaven made him 8 years younger than his shige when shige was clearly the child.

"Shige!" Jiang Wanyin whispered. "Wait for me!"

Wei Wuxian threw a proud smile when he saw-

Jiang Wanyin followed him. "A-Cheng! I'm glad you came! I promise you're gonna taste the best drink ever. They said Caiyi Town has Emperor's Smile sold in the inns."

"You just a drunk, shige," Jiang Wanyin rolled his eyes. "You'd drink anything if it has enough alcohol content."

"That's why I need you to rein me back," Wei Wuxian teased.

When had he ever succeeded in making Wei Wuxian do anything? Wei Wuxian got him in trouble all the times. However, a soft affectionate feeling flitted in becaue Jiang Wanyin knew he'd follow Wei Wuxian anywhere.

--

Oh shit... Jiang Wanyin thought as he landed his feet into Gusu Lan Sect inner courtyard after spending hours in Caiyi Town. Where the hell did Wei Wuxian go? Wasn't he just in front of him a couple of moments ago? How could those wobbling feet of a drunk man move so fast anyway?

"Shige!" He hissed under his breath. The silence surrounding the Gusu only amplified his voice. Damn it! His heart pounded loudly that he swore he could hear it.

There was no answer to his calling and he called twice more. Eventually he decided to just go back to his room.

One of the things Jiang Wanyin hated the most was breaking the rules. He often took comfort in a set of rules. Funny how the heaven gave him Wei Wuxian as his shixiong.

So, when he was one of those moments where he was breaking the rules, adrenaline rushed through him.

So much so that when a soft voice called him, "Jiang-shaoye?" from behind, he automatically drew out Sandu and allowed it to fly towards the person behind him.

Sandu was met instantly with a clang of another sword. Jiang Wanyin turned around, heavy breaths and his eyes widened-

when he saw who it was behind him.

There, stood under the silvery light of a full moon; tall and wide and ethereal, was Zewu-Jun.

Deep amber eyes met the amethyst ones as a small smile quirked at the corner of Zewu-Jun's lips when he saw Jiang Wanyin's surprise.

Oh, shit.

--

Lan Xichen was an established cultivator. At 26 years old, he had earned his title among his peers and his own achievements in both academic and nighthunts were unmistakable. People praised him for his conduct, his judgement and his fairness.

There was nothing that could really-

phase him that much anymore. Some might say that he got too much jaded too soon, but Lan Xichen thought it was better him than his own younger brother, so he took on as many responsible as he could so that Lan Wangji could have the childhood that he couldn't - not when their-

father shied away from public life for more than twenty years now.

Some time before, he had caught a drunk Wei Wuxian trying to sneak back into his room and he had passed the instantly sobered man, with cheeky, unrepentant grin, to his disciple.

And now, he found Jiang-shaoye.

Instead of the same cheeky grin he'd expected to see, Lan Xichen was surprise when a sword flew towards him in panic that Shuoyue barely parried it in time.

When Jiang Wanyin turned around, he saw a pair of impossible lavender eyes, wide and clear under the bright midnight moon.

A subtle ~oh...~ echoed in his heart at the sight of sharp cheekbones, almond-shaped eyes and squared jaw on the young face. Lan Xichen'd never seen such a captivating face before.

"Oh shit."

Lan Xichen swallowed back a laugh at the sudden curse escaping Jiang Wanyin's mouth.

"Cursing is forbidden, Jiang-shaoye," Lan Xichen said softly.

"Uh... I can explain, Zewu-Jun..." Jiang Wanyin hastily called back Sandu sheepishly. He couldn't believe he just attacked the no. 1 cultivator in his generation.

"And so does breaking the curfew," Lan Xichen-

continued, eyes curved up in a gentle smile. "I assume you were briefed of our rules."

Jiang Wanyin's heart thundered as he cursed his shige twenty ways to heaven. "I was being told about the curfew. But-" He trailed off.

And here came the excuse, Lan Xichen thought. He had -

dealt with countless young masters and almost all wealthy young masters were the same. Spoil, ungrateful and thought the world owed them something. Those kind of young masters flaunted rules like they didn't matter; didn't apply to them because of their status.

"Were you alone, Jiang-shaoye?" Lan Xichen tested him carefully when Jiang Wanyin didn't say anything more.

"What?"

"Were you alone while you breaking the curfew?" Lan Xichen was giving Jiang Wanyin the opportunity to throw his shixiong under the rug to save his own skin.

Jiang Wanyin's mind furiously thought. So, shige was still hadn't been caught? Could it be he was already safe and sound in their room? Wait- that would mean, both of them didn't need to bear the punishment!

Wei Wuxian was reckless, stubborn and often got him into trouble but-

Jiang Wanyin could never allow anything bad happen to him. If he could help it, none of his family would ever, EVER get hurt. He was internally build to be stupidly protective over the people he loved.

Mind made, he raised his chin up and loyally declared, "Yes, I am alone."

Lan Xichen inhaled softly at the sight of absolute stubbornness on Jiang Wanyin's pretty face. "Are you sure, Jiang-shaoye? I can be persuaded to believe otherwise." He tested again.

Jiang Wanyin narrowed his eyes. "What did you mean *persuaded*? You found me alone, didn't you?"

There was an admiration began to build within Lan Xichen. "How old are you, Jiang-shaoye?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but, next month I'll be seventeen."

Such a fierce personality for a 17 years old boy, and Lan Xichen found himself wanting to know Jiang Wanyin more.

"The punishment for breaking the curfew is 10 strikes from our disciplinary cane and a full set copy of Lan Sect rules." Lan Xichen informed him.

Jiang Wanyin was dismayed. Copying a full set Lan Sect rules? His shige wouldn't be able to last even halfway and knowing Wei Wuxian

Jiang Wanyin knew such boring punishment would only spur him to do more shenanigans and thus, even more punishments. That thought strengthened his resolve to bear the punishment all by himself.

But... "Is it true that the disciplinary cane is huge?" Jiang Wanyin asked.

"If you have an accomplice, the punishment could be shared." Lan Xichen prodded.

"I told you! I'm the only who's breaking the curfew!" Jiang Wanyin snapped.

A young master who was hellbent on protecting a mere senior disciple. Lan Xichen had never met anyone like him before.

There was something about him that called out to Lan Xichen in a way nobody did before. In a short span of time, Jiang Wanyin had defied all of his expectations, especially the way he passionately protecting his much older, higher cultivated shixiong.

He was deeply charmed.

--

Despite their rocky start, Jiang Wanyin reluctantly found himself making a friend with Lan Xichen. It was hard not to like him back, especially when for the first time in his life, he didn't need to act years beyond his age.

With Lan Xichen, he felt their age differences keenly.

Wei Wuxian was older than him 8 years, but his charmed, reckless and emotion-driven dispositions made Jiang Wanyin feel like he was the older one between them. Wei Wuxian excelled in everything he did - swordplay, music, technical knowledge but that was where it line is drawn.

When it came to making decision, Jiang Wanyin often found himself trying to pull his shige away from the ledge. And everytime he was unsuccessful and found both of them thrown over the cliff, he willingly subjected himself to the punishment because he should've tried harder.

It was the routine in Lotus Pier - Wei Wuxian dragged him into trouble; him, failing to stop Wei Wuxian; them kneeling for hours; and a-die telling him he should've done better next time, making him feel jaded and tired.

He tried to do better. He just failed every time.

But with Lan Xichen, Jiang Wanyin felt *young* and *new* and *guided*. He looked up (literally and figuratively) to the esteemed Zewu-Jun because the older man seemed to know everything.

Wei Wuxian was the genius one, but he couldn't teach to save himself. Lan Xichen could.

"Wei Wuxian makes it look so easy when he practice with Suibian. He said I'm too stiff and trying to hard."

"How come Wei Wuxian doesn't need to meditate? His core cultivates so easily, while I meditate until I'm convinces I'm sleepwalking and still stagnant."

"Zewu-Jun, I think I'm tone deaf. Never mind the Yunmeng dizis, I couldn't even play a gong!"

"How am I to shoot arrows that far? My aim is atrocious and my spiritual power isn't that good."

To Lan Xichen, those moments when Jiang Wanyin came to him, voicing his concern was-

the highlights of his days. Rather than sounding like a whine, there was a real disappointment in those eyes, and Lan Xichen quickly realised Jiang Wanyin was extremely hard on himself.

The vulnerable way he displayed himself to him made Lan Xichen feel humble and yet happy.

Jiang Wanyin was looking for something that he couldn't find with his shixiong nor his family. Lan Xichen liked to think he found it whenever they were together. Whether it was knowledge, affirmation or a simple space to just be, he was even more than willing to give to him.

So, each time, he would answer Jiang Wanyin.

"Ease and flexibilty in swordplay come with age and experience. Wei-gongzi has been practicing with Suibian eight years longer than you. Soon, you'll have such familiarity with Sandu."

"Meditation requires patience and perseverance, which you have abundantly, and Wei-gongzi doesn't. Not everyone cultivates the same way. You'll find the method that suits you the most."

"Jiang-shaoye have such a warm, deep tenor. If you couldn't play instrument, you could sing.

And even if you don't want to sing, it'll still be okay."

"I'm not good in shooting arrows either," Lan Xichen laughed at Jiang Wanyin's skeptical face at his admission. "It's true! We can't all be good at everything, can we?"

"Wei Wuxian can." Jiang Wanyin pouted.

Lan Xichen smiled as he pulled Jiang Wanyin close to him in one-handed hug. "Wei Wuxian is Wei Wuxian. Wanyin is Wanyin and I like Wanyin the most, flaws and all."

Jiang Wanyin had blushed hard and Lan Xichen wanted to nuzzle his nose against the rosy cheeks so much.

Months passed with Jiang Wanyin alternatingly spending time with Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen. When Wei Wuxian got to know Lan Wangji, he spent more time with Lan Xichen as his shixiong left him to harass the stone-cold Lan Wangji.

Jiang Wanyin really didn't understand it.

One morning, Wei Wuxian got himself into trouble, when, several of the Jin disciples began jeering at them. First they insulted their shijie for being plain (nevermind the fact their young master had married the woman they insulted as plain), then they mocked Wei Wuxian for

being sent here to babysit him (that- was technically true), before resorting to insult him for being too young that he needed big, bad shixiong to follow him anywhere.

Aside from a-jie being plain, which was horrendously a LIE, because a-jie was the most beautiful woman ever,

Jiang Wanyin was willing to walk away because, everything else wasn't worth being fought over. But Wei Wuxian apparently didn't think so. He punched all of the Jin's disciples, despite being years older and spiritually stronger than them.

What else was he supposed to be doing?

Walk away while shige defended their honour? No way. So, he joined in the brawl and now, here they were, kneeling in front of Grandmaster Lan's office, while a-die was talking inside.

"You really need to think before act, shige," he muttered.

"Well, I wasn't going to sit in silence while they called shijie plain. Have they forgotten the peacock is married shijie! The nerve of them!"

Jiang Wanyin rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. One punch should have sufficed. Why did you plummet them all?"

"A-Cheng seems to have-

forgotten that he joined the brawl as well." Wei Wuxian drawled.

"Do you think I could stand on the side while they jumped on you?"

Wei Wuxian glanced at his shidi, heart ached in sweetness at the way Jiang Wanyin wasn't aware of his own words. A-Cheng was always too loyal and

protective for his own good. Wei Wuxian knew that it would take a whole world and a lake of blood for Jiang Wanyin to ever turn his back on him.

"No, Jiang Cheng, you never could leave us alone." He breathed softly in deep affection. It amazed him how a person a prickly as him-

could house a love as deep as the sea. "Plus, I can't let them bad-mouthing my cute shidi, can I?" He teased.

Jiang Wanyin opened his mouth to retort when the door was suddenly opened and a-die walked out. His face was dark when he looked upon Jiang Wanyin and immediately, -

Jiang Wanyin felt the familiar deep, powerful ache whenever a-die seemed disappointed in him.

Grandmaster Lan had suggested Wei Wuxian to be brought home because he seemed to always get into troubles. Plus, Jiang Wanyin didn't need bodyguard at all.

"A-die..." Jiang Wanyin tried to walk towards his father but hesitated when he saw his father closed expression.

"A-Xian," Jiang Fengmian's voice was gentle. "Go pack your things. We're going home."

"but..." Wei Wuxian looked at his shidi, heart torn, but still found himself-

to go anyway.

Jiang Fengmian finally looked at his son. "How could you let A-Xian get in trouble? How could you join him? You should've taken care of your men better."

Jiang Wanyin swallowed hard.

"This isn't what I expected from you,"

His heart broke as he watched him go.

Lan Xichen found him the next day at the secluded garden. The garden was one of the few common places where they often met. When the first two places were empty, Lan Xichen looked for Jiang Wanyin for the garden, hoping he would find there.

And he did.

Jiang Wanyin was sitting-

under the bare willow tree, eyes looking out to the mountains in the distance, wide and vacant. Lan Xichen let out a soft sigh of relief.

"Wanyin..." Lan Xichen said softly as he tentatively sat beside him.

Jiang Wanyin looked at him, a small, half-hearted smile was given.

"Xichen-ge."

Now that their relationship had deepened to the point he could call him Wanyin and Jiang Wanyin was comfortable enough to call him Xichen-ge in return, it never failed to cause Lan Xichen's heart to stutter in delight when he heard Jiang Wanyin call him that.

"I heard what happened yesterday." Lan Xichen raised his hand to gently touch the purple bruise on the cheek.

"They had it coming," Jiang Wanyin grumbled. "Imagine insulting their own Dajie. Jin Zixuan should do something about this."

"I also heard Wei Wuxian was sent home."

Lan Xichen watched the shoulders stiffen before they shrugged. Jiang Wanyin tried for nonchalant, but Lan Xichen knew him enough by now Jiang Wanyin couldn't hide his feelings at all. While the words were wrong, that open and honest face told him everything.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't supposed to be here at all. He wasn't even a student here."

Lan Xichen frowned. "Wanyin, what's wrong?"

Jiang Wanyin looked down, fingers clenching around Sandu tightly. "It's nothing-"

"It's not nothing. Something is clearly hurting you."

Jiang Wanyin inhaled sharply. Nobody had ever wanted to know his feelings before. A-die and a-niang expected him to just shrug everything because being a sect heir, he should've been stronger and tougher. Shijie was married off too early in his life and Wei Wuxian was content-

his first denial.

"Xichen-ge... Do you think I'm... enough for a sect heir?" He asked haltingly, scared of Lan Xichen's answer because now he know, Lan Xichen's opinion of him mattered the most.

Because he knew him the best.

"Wanyin?"

"I'm not that good in sword-

in cultivation, in archery- hell, I'm wary of stepping outside the boundaries, too calculating in my actions, too harsh to be likeable and I can't even understand my sect's motto. How am I supposed to attempt the impossible if I'm even scared of venturing outside the lines."

Lan Xichen suddenly understood. Every sentence of self-deprecating Jiang Wanyin had ever uttered ever since they knew each other suddenly made sense. "Your father?"

Jiang Wanyin laughed bitterly. "Who else had such a strong hold over someone's life? Of course, it's my father."

"And Wei Wuxian, too." Lan Xichen added shrewdly.

He snapped his head back to Lan Xichen in surprise. "What, no!"

"Wanyin, a blind man could see your father unfairly favouring Wei Wuxian over you. In a way, Wei Wuxian contributed some of your hurting too. Not intentionally,

of course, but, it still true."

Jiang Wanyin looked away, his sigh was heavy. "I love shige. He's the brother that I needed because shijie was gone too soon in my life. It's not his fault he was so good in everything he does. It's my fault. I didn't work hard enough-"

Lan Xichen hated to see his young friend putting himself down. "You can work to improve yourself until your back breaks, but, there's one thing nobody in this world can do - that is making someone love you. You can't make Jiang Fengmian see what he doesn't want to see; love what-

he doesn't want to love."

"I learned the lesson from my own parent, Wanyin. Not even the most isolated prison could teach someone to love anyone. Don't chase for something so illusive."

Jiang Wanyin looked at Lan Xichen in a new light. "Your parents?"

Lan Xichen pulled him closer. Jiang Wanyin laid his head and body within his friend's embrace, drawing unexpected comfort and sweetness from it. The scent of sandalwood and wildflowers filled his nostrils, taking away the memory of lotuses and bitter disappointment of his father.

"Someday, I'll tell you." Lan Xichen murmured. "But, Wanyin, I don't want you to beg affection and affirmation from a place that would never give you what you wanted."

"Where else should I beg if not from my parents?" He muffled his heartache.

A heartbeat of hesitation. "You- you could ask from me," Lan Xichen said tremblingly. "Because I would never, *could never*, deny you anything."

Jiang Wanyin looked up in wonder to Lan Xichen.

He wasn't searching for this, but Lan Xichen found him anyway. So, he nodded.

--

Jiang Wanyin was 21, still a young master of Lotus Pier, while Lan Xichen was 31; already a sect leader, ascended after his father passed away two years back. They were still so close to each other, with Jiang Wanyin taking every, smallest opportunity to join Lan Xichen.

Be it a nighthunt, or a cultivator conference, or a simple dinner or tea ceremony, the first thing Jiang Wanyin would look for was his older friend, who, in return, had never failed to look for him as well.

Ever since that day Lan Xichen offered his own self as a place for-

Jiang Wanyin to assuage his love-starved heart and touch-deprived hands, both of them had been inseparable. Five years had passed since but they grew even closer.

Where Lan Xichen was, soon, Jiang Wanyin would follow.

Where Jiang Wanyin went, soon, Lan Xichen would come.

Years had broadened Lan Xichen's shoulders and emphasised his ethereal look, accentuated with pretty smiles that were made sweeter whenever Jiang Wanyin was there with him. His cultivation grew stronger, driven by his need to protect and to share knowledge for his young friend.

He had meant it when he said he would be whatever it was that Jiang Wanyin needed him to.

Years had shed off Jiang Wanyin's plump cheeks and sharpened his his beauty. He had grown out of his need to please his unattainable father and to compete with his genius shixiong.

His words were snarky with dry wit but no longer they were laced with bitterness. Instead of making people run away, his sarcasm drew out surprise laughs and subtle appreciation to those who value blatant honesty. Even so, the one he would find refuge in was still Lan Xichen.

He had meant it when he said he would allow Lan Xichen into the deepest part of his heart when he came to him.

When they fought, the sky and the earth felt keenly the anguish and sorrow. When they were happy, the gentian and lotuses bloomed in each step they took. When they-

sparred, the world stopped in its track to watch them. And when they fell in each other's embrace, the wind sighed in adoration.

In the rise of uncertainty as they maneuvered their steps as cultivators, they were was one thing Lan Xichen and Jiang Wanyin knew to be certain.

Jiang Wanyin felt Lan Xichen in his heart, in every breath he took and in the depth of his soul. So, when one day he heard Lan Xichen receive two marriage proposals every month, something heavy in him drop.

Lan Xichen? Married?

Instantly he remembered how shijie went away from-

his life once she was married into the Jin Sect. She was preoccupied with her husband and her son that he barely saw her anymore except for festival and family reunion.

Was that what would happen to them if Lan Xichen got married? Them drifting apart?

His heart went cold.

Why was it even a surprise? Lan Xichen was in his early thirties, a sect leader of a major sect, a no. 1 bachelor and has a disposition that even a deity envy. How could he spend his years with Lan Xichen thinking he could hoard him all by himself like a greedy, possessive ghoul?

The bitterness in his mouth when he imagined a life-with a married Lan Xichen, with a wife he doted on and children who might took his time. Would Lan Xichen even have time to spend with him?

For the first time in his life since he met Lan Xichen, he loathed their age gap.

Lan Xichen had never made him felt his youth. Jiang- Wanyin liked the way Lan Xichen treated him like he was equaled in every way. Even there were times when he struggled to keep up with him, Lan Xichen had waited for him with an outstretched hand; patient with his temper.

Now?

Now, Jiang Wanyin felt starkly the 10 years between them. For first time, he hated the first 10 years of Lan Xichen's life that he wasn't even here in this world. If he was the same age as Lan Xichen; hell, he'd take it if he was the same age as shige, then, maybe.. maybe-

Maybe what?

If he was 29 instead of 21, what would that change anything? Lan Xichen still received marriage proposal left and right and he would too. He was a sect heir after all. No matter how close they were now, time and responsibility would eventually pull them apart.

He felt his eyes burned that impulsively, he reached out for Sandu and flew towards Cloud Recesses.

He needed to see Lan Xichen tonight.

If he couldn't have Lan Xichen's future, he wanted to grab on his present tightly and never letting him go.

For as long as he could.

--

When Jiang Wanyin left Cloud Recesses at the end of his study, Lan Xichen felt his absence keenly. They were so close; especially so after Wei Wuxian was sent home by shufu, that the first day after he went home, Lan Xichen had kept expecting Jiang Wanyin to appear at his side.

When he was in the library, he found himself looking at the table where Jiang Wanyin used to study. When he was the dining hall, he kept looking for the glimpse of him. When he was walking along the corridors, he imagined the sound of Jiang Wanyin's footsteps echoing behind him.

A month passed by and Lan Xichen finally admitted to himself that he missed Jiang Wanyin like an aching hole within - inescapable void that kept him awake at nights and yearning during the days.

He had regarded Jiang Wanyin as a little brother that needed his companionship-

throughout their friendship during the year Jiang Wanyin studied here but why did he feel as if he had his heart ripped apart? Why did he feel so incomplete - restless?

Lan Xichen found himself missing the jaded way Jiang Wanyin viewed life, the half-form sardonic smiles, the-

way he responded to his every tease (pink cheeks and loud protest), the grumpy voice, the scowling eyebrows, the sharp glare and how surprisingly sweet and soft he could be despite it all when he sank into an embrace Lan Xichen offered.

He also found himself missing those deep lavender eyes, which he still thought so impossibly captivating, the sharp nose and high cheekbones, the warmth he exuded when they were close and the scent of lotuses and muddy earth.

In the depth of his yearning, one night, two months after Jiang Wanyin was gone, he dreamt of him sitting on his lap. His long, slim legs trapped his own hips. His long, silky hair was unbound, spilling so sensually over his shoulders, while his arms reached out to rest on his-

shoulder, wrapping loosely around his neck.

In his dream, Jiang Wanyin was wearing nightrobe, with one shoulder bared. In his dream, those almond slanted eyes were hooded as they watched him. In his dream, Jiang Wanyin leaned close with his lips hovered tantalising over his.

Jiang Wanyin had whispered, "Xichen-ge... I missed you so much..." before he was snapped awake from the dream with heart thumping and his erection hard.

That night, he realised that he had never regarded Jiang Wanyin as a brother. The first night when they met, his heart had-

an epiphany and he had ignored it. For the whole year they were together, Lan Xichen had steadily fallen in love with him and he didn't even know it.

Then, came guilty because Jiang Wanyin was 17 and here he was; a 27 years old man, who should have known better. He should have-

controlled his feelings better, holding them tighter towards himself. Jiang Wanyin didn't even return his feelings - he probably thought of him as an older brother that he had never had!

That was when he decided to hide away his heart. Jiang Wanyin didn't need his infatuation.

For the next five years, Lan Xichen watched Jiang Wanyin grow up. He watched the teenage chubbiness fade away and a devastatingly handsome man gradually appeared in front of him. Jiang Wanyin had even grown taller, no longer a full head smaller than him, but he stood comfortably-

just below his own ears, still shorter than him but the new height only made Lan Xichen's obsession on Jiang Wanyin's long, slender legs become deeper.

He had the pleasure of watching Jiang Wanyin breaking free of his emotional chains from his father and the feeling of-

insecurity over his talented shixiong.

And most of all, he had the pleasure of watching Jiang Wanyin drawing them both closer, casting their age difference aside as he grew even more confident in their friendship.

Sometimes, Lan Xichen forgot Jiang Wanyin's youth.

His love for Jiang Wanyin consumed him that he couldn't even bear thinking of marrying someone else. He knew the Gusu Lan Sect elders were insisting him to settle down. Shufu was the only one who didn't pester and Lan Xichen suspected that shufu already knew his heart was already

taken, but he was unsure if shufu by whom.

Thus, for each marriage proposal he received, he took a blank parchment and politely wrote down a refusal. Jiang Wanyin might not know how much Lan Xichen loved him, and he might never will, but Lan Xichen would never lie to himself.

He had seen how his father succumbed to a broken heart. He had seen how his mother died from loneliness from a forced, loveless marriage. And he had experienced his own heartaches from absent parents who couldn't even find within themselves to love their children.

If he couldn't have Jiang Wanyin, he'd never have anyone else. If Lan Xichen were fated to love Jiang Wanyin from afar, he'd still be content.

So, imagine his surprise when one night, Jiang Wanyin barged into Hanshi, scowling.

"Xichen-ge! Are you getting married?!"

--

"What?" Lan Xichen blinked. He was in his sleeping robe, hair down because it was nearing 9 pm.

While it wasn't uncommon for Jiang Wanyin to come so freely into Gusu Lan Sect and into his room, he didn't expect Jiang Wanyin to come so late into the night.

"Wanyin? Are you alright? You look a bit... spooked?" Lan Xichen stood up to hasten towards his friend.

Jiang Wanyin should be self-conscious at how haywire he looked right now but the news of Lan Xichen receiving marriage proposals had badly rattled him. Why else had he spent-

five hours on Sandu just to come here?

Poor Xichen-ge. He had disturbed his sleep. What the hell was he doing?

Then, Jiang Wanyin took a double look at how soft Lan Xichen looked in the comfort of his room. His unbounded hair was framing his face, making him look so handsome.

Jiang Wanyin's heart thundered suddenly at the sight. His cheeks began to burn and he found himself to unable to look away. This- this was new, he thought in panic. Granted he had never seen Lan Xichen in his sleepwear before, but was it even normal for a friend to find his-

friend looking so- *good*?

Had Lan Xichen's shoulders always been that broad? Had those amber eyes always been that soft? Had those fingers that were reaching him always been that graceful?

Now that Jiang Wanyin was insecure with their friendship, why was he seeing Lan Xichen

in an entirely new light?

"Wanyin?" Lan Xichen frowned as those callous fingertips gently pushing his hair bang away to look at his face.

He was snapped from his panicked, emotion-awakening for his dearest friend. "Xichen-ge. I'm sorry to have disturbed you," He said ruefully.

Because seriously, what was he doing?

Lan Xichen wouldn't allow this. He grabbed Jiang Wanyin hands and pushed him down to the low table, while he sat down beside Jiang Wanyin. Something had happened that unhinged him and Wanyin had COME to him - not his precious shige, or-

his beloved a-jie, but HIM.

In the moment of vulnerability, Jiang Wanyin had sought the comfort and safety of his companionship. Lan Xichen would be damned if he allowed him to change his mind.

"No, tell me please." Lan Xichen said firmly. "You said something about marriage?"

Why was he hesitating like this? Didn't Lan Xichen have show him that anything Jiang Wanyin needed, he would always give it to him. Five years went by and Lan Xichen still couldn't and wouldn't deny anything.

Jiang Wanyin was having an epiphany of a lifetime. Just yesterday, he-

was unaware of his feelings. Today, one, careless gossip told by one of his disciples about Lan Xichen being proposed again and again (that he wasn't being made aware of) had forced him to be made aware of the confused feelings that he had harboured for Lan Xichen.

"Why didn't you tell me that you're planning to get married?" Jiang Wanyin asked, voice trembling slightly.

That had stunned Lan Xichen. "Where have you heard that?" He asked.

"From one of Yunmeng Jiang's disciples. Is it true?"

Lan Xichen didn't understand this at all-

because since when this mattered at all? "Why does matter, Wanyin? All unmarried sect and clan leaders are being subjected to marriage proposals. I've been receiving them since the first day I become a sect leader."

"And you never thought of telling me?" Jiang Wanyin tried-

so hard to hide the tone of accusation because it was so irrational! But he couldn't help himself.

"It's irrelevant to us," Lan Xichen said slowly, still deeply confused. "I've never told you because it doesn't matter."

Somehow, that only spurred Jiang Wanyin's panic and hurt.

"You didn't think, you being married, would matter to us?" His cheeks burned and eyes stung.

Perhaps their relationship was one-sided. Perhaps Jiang Wanyin had always needed Lan Xichen in his life more than Lan Xichen had needed him. Perhaps, to Lan Xichen, he was just a child.

Lan Xichen felt that he was in a conversation where both of them were talking in a different language. He was missing something - something huge because Jiang Wanyin was looking like he had betrayed him somehow.

"Wanyin, I- I don't understand."

Jiang Wanyin gritted his teeth. "What's there not to understand. If you're married, then, we're not going to be as close as we are right now. You're going to spend more time with- with her and not.. me!"

Oh- was that it? Lan Xichen thought relieved, and then he leaned closer.

Wanyin had nothing to worry about because with him being as deeply as in love with him as he was right now, the chance of Lan Xichen accepting any of the proposal was nonexistence. "Wanyin, you're my closest companion and my most trusted confidant, nothing would change that."

But Jiang Wanyin wanted to be even more than just a companion. He wanted them to closer; closer than just a friend. He wanted to chain Lan Xichen to him forever. "A-Jie rarely comes home after she got married. Shige was sickly in love with Hanguang-Jun that he never had time for-

me at all. If you got married, you're going to be just like them."

"That's not going to happen. You're my friend."

"Well, it's not enough!" Jiang Wanyin blurted out before biting his lips in regret, when he saw Lan Xichen reeled slightly back, eyes wide.

He got on his feet, frustrated beyond belief. This deep yearning within him was too demanding and he wanted something more from Lan Xichen. More than spending time together, more than exchanging letters, more than dinners and lunches in the inns and more than nighthuntings.

And he was hurting Lan Xichen's feelings. All Lan Xichen wanted to do was soothing his fears and he had to go and raised his voice at his gentle friend.

For the countless times, he wondered why Lan Xichen ever put up with him.

Knowing that if he stayed, he was only going-

to spout even more vicious words to Lan Xichen, Jiang Wanyin reached out for Sandu, intending to leave at this every moment. "I apologise for my intrusion, Xichen-ge." He bowed hastily in clipped voice. "I'll send you letter soon."

Lan Xichen was snapped from his shock at the-

realisation that Jiang Wanyin wanted them to be more than just friends with him (because WHAT?) when he watched Jiang Wanyin turn around towards the door.

Quickly he rose from his seat, racing after Jiang Wanyin before grabbing his wrist. "Wanyin, wait!" He pulled Jiang Wanyin-

towards him to stop him from leaving.

What happened next was beyond his wildest dream.

Jiang Wanyin growled when Lan Xichen pulled him like he weighed nothing. When he crashed into Lan Xichen's sturdy chest, the familiar and heart-aching scent of sandalwood and wildflowers-

surrounded him.

Something within him snapped hard that before he could stop himself, he stood on tiptoes, arms wrapped tightly around Lan Xichen's neck, and he lunged upward to crash his lips against Lan Xichen, openmouthed and desperate.

Lan Xichen stood, utterly stunned.

--

The first night he dreamt about Jiang Wanyin, it was both lustful and sweet. The next countless dreams that came after that, only fueled his obsession with him, which in turn, caused him to dream those dreams that often left his arousal achingly hard and his heart emptier.

For the last five years, all that he had was the made-up imagination of how Jiang Wanyin's lips would taste, how would his body pressed against him feel and how his desperate moan would sound like.

He didn't think he was allowed to have more than that.

So when Jiang Wanyin suddenly wrapped his arms around neck, pressing his lips against his own, Lan Xichen was stunned silent because Jiang Wanyin's lips felt so soft and his body felt warm and solid and good.

His breaths were halted, his body was frozen and his words were lost.

Until a soft calling from Jiang Wanyin, "Xichen-ge?" snapped him from his daze.

The amber eyes darkened into the blackest night when they turned into Jiang Wanyin's equally desperate ones. There were fear and indecisiveness and uncertainty but not once the younger man withdrew-

his arms away nor did he allow their bodies to be parted because he knew Lan Xichen would never turn him away. He never did for last five years.

And that was how secured Jiang Wanyin was with Lan Xichen.

The realisation burned a new height of desire within Lan Xichen. It-

spurred him to wrap one arm around Jiang Wanyin's waist and pulled him hard towards his body while another hand cradle the back of Jiang Wanyin's head, tilting his head aside so he could slot their mouth together better.

Jiang Wanyin let out a soft, surprise yelp before it-

turned gasps when he felt Lan Xichen's moving lips and demanding tongue slithered into his mouth. There was nothing gentle in the way Lan Xichen kissed him. The kiss was an act of gratification, a way to assuage the long-term craving and a language to convey desperation.

Jiang Wanyin was so lost in the intensity of that kiss, which was so unlike his own inexperience kiss he initiated previously, that he could barely notice when Lan Xichen hauled him up into his arms. The change of height caused Jiang Wanyin to fall further into the kiss and into-

Lan Xichen's upturned, fierce kiss.

His head was dizzy - the kiss was felt to tip of his toes. When Lan Xichen moved, he couldn't find within him to care, until he was lowered down onto something soft and smelled so distinctly of sandalwood.

A bed, his sluggish mind provided.

Lan Xichen's bed.

The bed that he was sprawled on, still with his mouth being ravaged, with the said man looming his huge bulk of body over him.

Was this the *more* that he wanted with Lan Xichen? There was a hesitating heartbeat before he realised the answer was yes.

Throughout the times he had spent time with Lan Xichen, training so hard just so he could catch up with the esteemed Zewu-Jun and doing all that he could to stand tall beside him, it was so he could erase the ten years between them.

For the last five years, everything he had-

done was just so he could chase after him; just so he could be with him in any capacity Lan Xichen wanted from him.

Jiang Wanyin wanted to be strong enough to protect Lan Xichen in return, just like the older man always did to him. He wanted to be clever enough to be able to-

share Lan Xichen's burdens and heartaches and problems.

And now that he had tasted Lan Xichen's kiss, he wanted to be desirable enough so Lan Xichen would keep on kissing him like this. For the rest of their lives.

Ignited by his train of thought, he hastily raised his hand to-

release the bun but the action caused him to accidentally break the mind-melting kiss.

"Wanyin-" Lan Xichen gasped as if a bucket of ice water was being poured onto his head. He pulled himself away, with his eyes squished close as if the action physically hurt him. "Oh, Wanyin."

Jiang Wanyin's heart thumped in fear as he watched Lan Xichen pull himself away. "Xichen-ge... Don't-" He halted because 'don't' what?

Pull away from him? Stop touching him?

"Wanyin," Lan Xichen tried again breathlessly. "We need to stop."

Jiang Wanyin swore his heart break.

"Why?" He asked in a small voice; cheeks flushed. "Don't you want me?"

Lan Xichen nearly pounced him because if only Jiang Wanyin knew this dark, deep black fire of desire he had kept in secret all these years. If he had his way, Jiang Wanyin would never want to leave his bed.

But Lan Xichen had loved Jiang Wanyin long before he had lusted after him. His love would always triumph over whatever lustful yearning howling within him.

He never wanted to hurt him.

"You don't have to do this to make me stay with you," Lan Xichen said shakily because he-

couldn't believe Jiang Wanyin felt the same way as he did. "I promise you that no marriages or wives could ever take me away from you. You'll always be my closest fr- friend."

Tears stung in Jiang Wanyin's eyes. "You- you think I kiss you to make you stay with me?"

Humiliation burned his cheeks. "You- you think I'd give my first kiss to you, because I'd be vindictive enough to trick you into not marrying?"

First kiss...? Lan Xichen thought breathlessly. Then, he saw the hurt in Jiang Wanyin's face. "Wanyin, that wasn't what I meant!"

Jiang Wanyin pushed himself up into a sitting position as he slid away from Lan Xichen, expression began to close off, eerily reminded Lan Xichen of the time Sect Leader Jiang's words still mattered to Jiang Wanyin and how they had hurt him.

This wasn't what he intended at all.

"Then, what did you mean?!" Jiang Wanyin snapped, anger overtook his hurtful humiliation. His lips felt starkly bruised from the previous kiss.

Lan Xichen clenched his hands tightly to stop him from reaching out Jiang Wanyin like he would always do whenever he was hurting.

Only this time, he was the one doing the hurting.

He took a deep breath. "Wanyin, I know you. You'd always loved so deeply. When you love, you don't do it halfway. You give your all to convey your love. Whether it was your father's poisonous words, your mother's unachievable-

standards, your shixiong's thoughtless words and actions or your sister's distant presence, nothing could make you love them any less. Like them, I can see how much you love me." Lan Xichen's eyes softened as the great love for Jiang Wanyin welled within him.

"The way you treat our friendship with such care and attentiveness, sometimes, I forgot how young you are. You have an old soul, Wanyin - grumpy on the outside but the love you carry inside makes you wise beyond your years."

"You fear of losing the people you love. And I don't-

want you to think that you have to kiss someone that you don't love *that way* just so you could convince me to stay with you."

Lan Xichen lowered his voice into a husky tone, trembling with such intense emotion. "I will always be with you, Wanyin... my Wanyin, because you-

have carved a permanent, irreplaceable space in my life. Time may change the seasons, the years that go by and the people in our lives, but I promise you, our friendship will always be there for both of us."

Jiang Wanyin's eyes were wide at Lan Xichen's heartfelt words.

His heart pounded with such love for this man in front of him. If before he thought he loved Lan Xichen, now, seeing how him holding back, Jiang Wanyin knew with such certainty he loved Lan Xichen.

Decision made, Jiang Wanyin whispered. "And if I wanted more from you?"

"More?"

"You said to come to you for anything I needed - be it affection and affirmation," Jiang Wanyin flushed in bright red in shyness and bravery.

He now understood Lan Xichen was bound from taking what he wanted because he was older and had higher position in cultivation world.

If they were ever to have more than what they had right now, Jiang Wanyin would have to be one taking the initiative. For the first time in their lives, he had to do the chasing because Lan Xichen was too good-hearted to do so.

"Yes, Wanyin, anything you need, I'd give to you."

His eyes softened at Lan Xichen's words. He was finally seeing everything in a new light. Every gesture of friendship Lan Xichen had ever shown him was laced with deep affection of a lover's love.

Jiang Wanyin had been either too young or too blind to see it as it was.

But he was 21 now, soon to be 22. He was older than when they had first met. He now understood that he had loved Lan Xichen back then as well and the 5-year they spent strengthening their friendship, their love had blossomed too, basking under the shadow of their camaraderie.

He thought he was chasing after Lan Xichen. He just never realised that Lan Xichen was waiting all this time for him to catch up.

"If I asked for you to kiss me on the mornings we met and on the evenings when we parted, would you give me that?"

Lan Xichen's breath hitched.

"Wanyin..."

"If I asked for the chance of waking up beside you either in Hanshi or my room in Lotus Pier, would you grant it?"

The room was silent except for the words Jiang Wanyin uttered toward him, making his heart ache in such adoration towards his courageous, young friend.

Jiang Wanyin inched closer forwards until their knees touched on the bed. He looked up to Lan Xichen's bent head, their eyes met. "And if I asked for that place inside your heart that you had reserved for your cultivation partner, would you allow it?" His voice was low, hopeful.

"I know my cultivation level is nowhere near you, but, you know how hard I train. Perhaps, in time, I'd be worthy-"

Lan Xichen stopped those self-deprecating words with his lips as he swooped down to deeply, desperately kiss Jiang Wanyin. He whispered harshly against his lips;-

Jiang Wanyin's face cradled within his palms, "You are enough for me, Wanyin, have been and always are. Even back when you were sixteen- a foot too short with a heart starving for affection-, I have always thought of you being too good for me."

Jiang Wanyin smiled widely.

Lan Xichen leaned his forehead against Jiang Wanyin. Happiness filled within him too fast, too much. "Are you sure that you want to be with me? Because I don't think I could ever stop once we started. I have loved you for far too long to give you up now."

"Stop it," Jiang Wanyin grumbled. "I'm the one who's doing the persuading, not you."

"Five years of pining, Wanyin, I don't think I need that much of persuasion." Lan Xichen let out a breathy laugh.

Jiang Wanyin raised his eyes, startled by the revelation. "5 years? That long?"

Lan Xichen just smiled sweetly. "I realised it 2 months after you left Cloud Recesses when you ended your study here. I think I have loved even before that."

Jiang Wanyin had been starving for affection in his youth. He had always felt he wasn't enough for the people he loved.

And he had been running after them, and it felt like a long, endless run without a finishing line. Even now, he still couldn't make a-die and a-niang satisfy with his achievements.

He was exhausted. He was starving. He was thirsty.

And then, Lan Xichen came to him. He gave-

him what he needed to get through the strings of heartaches from his family. Under Lan Xichen's soft, steady affection, Jiang Wanyin was free from trying to fill his parents' expectations, because Lan Xichen taught him that he was enough as he was.

How did he miss it?

Now looking at Lan Xichen's face, Jiang Wanyin was seeing the love he bore for him, so vivid and unashamed and unfaltering. What could he say or do in the face of such love?

He tugged Lan Xichen gently. "Come and lay down with me, Xichen-ge," he whispered.

"Wanyin...?"

"Burn down all of your marriage proposals. Take my Clarity Bell. Come and lay with me for the rest of our lives." He declared. "Do all that and then, stay with me forever, gege."

Lan Xichen laughed and proceeded to do just that.

---

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