Thread by @lauralexx

I’m quite drunk. I’m overall very sad at the moment. I’m stuck in a crevice of loathing lockdown entirely whilst also screaming for a stricter one because if we could only do it properly short and sharp we could end it all and go back to normal.

I feel really stuck between the voices I hear: yeah, I want common sense and I want to go back to normal. But, if common sense is:
a) just kill everyone below average strength
b) lock us all down hard and short

Then I choos (b)

But I’m stuck in a reality where the unbelievable decision being taken is (c): lockdown long and sloppy, kill a lot of people, incite furious arguments and dissent, kill the livelihoods of those lucky enough to survive

And so I’m impotent and angry and slowly, decisively being broken. Can’t protest without endangering lives, I’m easy to ignore online, I can only make the best of the broken bits handed out while i watch peopl argue hypothetically online about what the other party might have done

Ive never voted Labour. Not because I wouldn’t, I was just a lazy stupid student more wrapped up in my love life than voting and by the time I got into politics I have believed nothing matters more than the environment so I’ve been Green, but

My hatred of how this has been handled will only ever get framed in a tribal argument scenario and it is revolting. This has been so personal. The handling of this is so much simpler and more understandable to people like me than Brexit

Brexit is an absolute octopus of an argument. Slippery, multi armed complicated intelligent bastard. Covid is directly comparable to other countries and has instantly hit us

It’s taken me from being a successful, independent woman coping alarmingly well with mental health issues to a financially unstable, miserable sloth and it didn’t have to be this way. It’s been a choice

Somerset born, state school educated, 1 of 4, first to uni, battled over a decade to finally live off comedy via myriad jobs and I DID IT and now it’s slipping away because the supposed party of the common sense economics have absolutely rinsed this disaster

I’m just so angry and sad. Especially because I know so many people would read something like that and think “well get a real, useful job then” without realising what my job does for the world or how much less financially useful I’d be in another role

Just because I love my job doesn’t mean I wasn’t paying a lot in tax when I earned well. Far more than I’d have done in any other role I could do. And I’ve been a plumber, a shoe seller, an SEO specialist and a fast food chef 😂

Dunno where I’m going. Nowhere probably. A melancholy ramble under the influence of red wine and missing my family having seen them over zoom. I feel empty. I didn’t get kids when I wanted and needed them and I made peace with that because I love my job

But now I’m here in my house and there’s no kids and no job and I feel like a weird blob person who just exists to please themself and I can’t make that satisfying. Covid has poured iodine on all the holes in my life

Woof. Anyway. I’m such a lucky person. I’m alive & so are my family so I get to Zoom them & miss them knowing I’ll see them soon, I hope. I’m very lucky. But me being lucky doesn’t dissipate my anger. I understand how 80s peeps felt about Thatcher & 00s peeps felt about Blair now

Let’s focus out anger and energies and let’s never forget how we’ve been treated here. It’s important we learn from how we’ve been treated. We’ve lost a lot because of their choices and we shouldn’t forget