Its hard to dislodge the power and influence the IC has over us.
Here is a helpful tool:
1. Find at least one other who cares about you and get together.
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2. Have your friend write down the messages your IC tells you as you share it.
3. Then ask her/him to write the adjectives of these messages, ex: 'harsh,' 'unrelenting,' 'condemning.' etc. So now you have the actual messages on one line and descriptors on the other.
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4. Now write the descriptors of God's character and God's posture toward you. Patient, loving, kind etc.
5. What if I were at least as ________ to myself as God is.
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We tend to get wigged out by talk of Satan and Spiritual Warfare, but the more I work with people on chronic anxiety, the more convinced I am that our self talk, our IC, the story we tell ourselves about how we MUST be and how the world MUST be is keeping us trapped.
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Paul says, 'it is for freedom that Christ has set us free' yet so many are bound by our IC and .the story we tell ourselves.
We give it WAY too much authority, too much real estate in our soul. It has a 'gospel' which is always some form of legalism and condemnation
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Time to treat your IC like Milton from Office Space. Stop paying him and relegate him to the basement. He'll keep showing up to work, but you don't have to keep paying him and giving him the corner office.
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If your view of God sounds a lot like your IC, you have projected your inside pain onto God and are now seeing God through your own self made view.
You are not following the One True God, you're following Zeus or some variation of Zeus.
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Relentless, demanding, impossible to appease. All the work and effort is on you.
But the One True God did all the work. Nothing to appease. No earning required.
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Its your kindness which leads us to repentance, Lord.
This is how we set our hearts at rest in God's presence, for even when our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and God knows everything.
God trumps your heart. God knows more than you on this matter.
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There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, a because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
That last one, some of you read it and say, 'great, I must not be made perfect in love.'
And then, 'I must be deficient.'
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That's the inner critic. That is modern day legalism. Doing the work inside our soul that only God can do.
Today, you're invited to relax into the Sovereignty and love of God.
Easier tweeted than done.
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Pastors, let's talk about 'usual suspects' critics.
There are all kinds of critics, some of whom are an absolute gift.
Then there are the 'usual suspect' critics.
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Helpful: they're in it with you, they're for the cause, they see things in you that you don't see, they help develop you as a leader.
Sometimes their feedback hurts, not because of them, but because we pastors tend to take our ministry so extremely personally.
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Then there is the 'garden variety' critic. They don't have malice toward you, it just hasn't occurred to them that maybe you and your team have put 100 hours into the decision and looked at every angle.
Because they go to church, they think they know how to lead a church.
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Chronic anxiety is present any time the false self is demanding attention.
What do you think you need that you don't really need?
What are you in the grip of that God is rescuing you from?
Jesus died to free me from needing ______ anymore
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For me? Thanks for asking.
Gold standard sermons everytime.
Having the answer always at the ready.
Everyone approving me, no matter what.
More insight from me when you don't understand me or misattribute my motives.
and plenty more.
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I recommend you write them out. It is crazy what you live for and how tightly you are in the grip of these false needs.
Pay attention to superlatives and exxagerations.
'always' 'everyone' 'must' etc. These words are evidence of being in anxiety's squeeze.
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What are the top four ways relationships get into trouble quick?
1) Unspoken expectations. 2) Unspoken values. 3) The meaning we make out of what we don't know. 4) Assumption of motive in the other.
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And then we spin in the '4th space: the space inside the other' and we spend inordinate amounts of time wondering, 'what were they thinking, why did they do it that way.'
Spinning ensues.
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It takes courage, clarity, calm and curiosity.
Sorry for the litany of Cs....old preacher syndrome....
But you can speak the unspoken and move into a posture of curiosity with the person to regain human connection.
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Perfect love displaces fear. I think fear can displace our awareness and experience of perfect love. It cannot displace God's love, but it sure can displace our awareness of it.
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Knowing you're in anxiety's grip is actually not as easy as we think. We tend to bear down and try harder instead of pausing.
One way to notice it: you are no longer aware of God's presence and God's love.
It could be that your anxiety has displaced your awareness.
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Warning Signs:
- you start to think it is all on you/all on your shoulders.
- 'if it is to be, it is up to me.' An anxious statement if ever I heard one.
- An impending feeling of doom or hopelessness.
- Rigid thinking, either-or locked in thinking.
- double binding.
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1. The space inside you 2. The space between you and another 3. The space between others 4. The space inside another.
A powerful de escalation tools is to first locate the anxiety. Where is it?
Often the answer is 'all 4.' Yikes!
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Anxiety is contagious, we spread it and escalate it unless we know how to manage it.
This was perhaps my biggest lesson as a trauma chaplain - the very hard work of not catching someone's anxiety.
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When I caught it, I was no good to them. I no longer saw what was going on, I was now 'infected' by my own triggers, assumptions, the story I tell myself. I was all wrapped up in myself.
But when I managed my anxiety, I was able to be calm, aware and fully present to them.
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1: Consider anxiety as an 'agent' by which I mean it has agency. My argument has always been that anxiety has agency over us before we know it and it displaces our awareness of God.
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Many see anxiety as neutral. I see it as nefarious.
It has agency over you and it sends a message of doom.
So becoming aware of anxiety's grip, knowing your recurring triggers and knowing the truth of God's love can really keep it from wreaking havoc.
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The second dynamic is power. Lately, especially with all the horrendous power abuses by some Christian leaders, we are thinking about power in terms of gender, race, hierarchy, acclaim etc. This is all good and right and I am grateful for the voices leading us well in that.
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