Thread by @stevecusswords

What are the top four ways relationships get into trouble quick?

1) Unspoken expectations.
2) Unspoken values.
3) The meaning we make out of what we don't know.
4) Assumption of motive in the other.

1/

And then we spin in the '4th space: the space inside the other' and we spend inordinate amounts of time wondering, 'what were they thinking, why did they do it that way.'

Spinning ensues.

2/

It takes courage, clarity, calm and curiosity.

Sorry for the litany of Cs....old preacher syndrome....

But you can speak the unspoken and move into a posture of curiosity with the person to regain human connection.

3/

Find out their values rather than assume, find out their expectations, or your unrealistic or realistic expectations.

name the dynamic, ask, be open.

it will dissolve anxiety.

4/

And of course, yes it is true and we see it here on twitter, some people like to watch the world burn.

Some want to misunderstand you.

Some can only hear the story they tell themselves, rather than what is really going on in you.

5/

Those are hard cases. They can cause much pain, but they are one reason you pray. Pray for those who persecute you etc.

You can worry, but it won't make it better.

Prayer can alleviate and sometimes make it better, sometimes just lessen the sting.

6/

And of course, the wonderful words of Mark Twain, 'Sometimes cursing provides relief not even afforded to prayer.'

!!!!

7/7