Thread by @starklyjd

What It's Like To Be Drunk With Random Star Trek Characters:

Chris Pike is a weird drunk. You go in expecting a wild night, but mostly spend the evening lying on the ground listening to Fleetwood Mac and EVERY HORSE FACT HE KNOWS.

Like did you you know Frayling Hayes was only dead to win a horse race? Well you do now.

Still, fun night.

The only version of Spock to get drunk would be the young idiot version that served Pike. Fun drunk though if you enjoy learning because you both will learn everything together. Historical tidbits, languages, names.

In fact you only know he's drunk because he tells you he is.

There is a whole Southern Coalition of folks not to get drunk with. To start: McCoy seems the type to actually get wild on you. Starts by saying "Nothing bad happens on a Tuesday" then next thing you know it's 2AM and he's explaining to a cop why you're searching for your pants.

Second is Trip. We all know he's a fairly good drunk. But boy is from Florida and I can only assume that even if the night goes well, you are breaking into a zoo to see what the animals do at night AT BEST. You can reflect on this while at Waffle House with him and an iguana.

Bryce and Rhys get drunk as a duo and it's a wholesome night where drinking is just that until Rhys's jam comes on & he decides to bust a move. But we all know Bryce ain't going to stand for that and will show him up. Next thing you know you're either in a dance off or on tiktok.

Number One swears she doesn't get drunk. However, her singing all three parts of The Schuyler with gestures and acting says otherwise. However, you are down to sing Burr's part and her back up. Honestly, with her you know you are putting on every single song of that album.

Sisko.... Don't get drunk with Sisko. Man is from New Orleans & while he has mellowed with age, he can still show you a night that will have you taking a show from someone's mouth , watching someone twerk on a man's head, and waking up surrounded by fish bowls.
And he'll be fine

Getting drunk with Jadzia is fun. You'll do shots and have drinks and meet interesting people. She will try to wing man for you by occupying someone's friend so you can chat them up. Of course she will also wind up getting the friend's number somehow, but YOLO.

*taking shots

If you can get Picard drunk it's definitely a time. Granted, he's the type to get wine drunk, but he seems like he'd tell you everything that's wrong with the Federation and their rules when drunk. Like he will spill tea. But it's mostly in French so I hope you have a translator.

I love Kes. She deserved better than Neelix, but if you get her drunk you are going to be walking her through every step of Dua Lipa's New Rules because she SWEARS he's really a great guy most of the time and maybe they can make it work.

If you get drunk with Garak you're a damn fool. Because while he seems as blitzed as you are, he lies. He has been drinking shots of water all night and getting you to spill everything from your Netflix password to that one embarrassing thing you did in the 3rd grade.

Don't get drunk with Geordi. I mean, he's a fun guy but once the booze goes in the drip comes out and you learn things you didn't need to know like that Geordi got moves and can be smooth as ice. You don't want to awaken those feelings if you drunk to begin with.

And while I am on the subject of don't get drunk with: Hoshi is dangerous. She will drink you under the table. She will take you dancing. She will probably start a fight and get you kicked out of like two different places, but you can learn from how she drops it.

You won't realize it was a bad idea to get drunk with Lorca until the morning after when you're waking up in his bed because he has a thing he just remembered& he really needs you to leave. I mean he's not the WORST fuckboi but still, rethink your choices during that walk o shame

And finally, because I'm hungry, getting drunk with Archer is probably the best. Dude always has snacks and while he insists on watch water polo all the time, you also get to pet his dog and he tells you where to scratch to make Porthos's leg jiggle. It's a great night.

Because y’all asked: Scotty is probably the chillest drunk. The man will sit around and talk everything with you well into the wee hours. And you never have those weird lulls. The only thing you get is the worst hangover of your life because he made the hooch and it’s too strong.

Kirk is like getting drunk with a toddler. He’s happy and will tell you everything he just learned and saw and it’s exciting and fun. You may wind up playing random games he made up.

But if you leave him alone for too long you will lose him because he did forget you.

Uhura has one rule and it’s don’t embarrass her. See, she ain’t getting drunk drunk. She is sipping someone good like an aged whiskey and she can hold her own. Now she may sing a song or two when she’s feeling loose but she ain’t getting wild. So if you do, she is bailing on you.