THREAD: Atlanta mass murderer Robert Aaron Long is one of us. Because we’re raised in man box culture, all men contain fragments of masculinity extremists’ world views. His beliefs are not separate from ours, they are just more extreme. remakingmanhood.medium.com/were-all-incel… /1
Lately, I’ve been writing about Incels. The more I consider them, the more I realize they are not so far removed from the rest of us. The incel world view arises from the roots of the same tree, our larger culture of masculinity, where all our ideas about manhood originate. /2
Mr. Long's supposed "sex addiction" narrative is one example of the victimhood narrative which is central to MRA, INCEL and MGTOWs; to all masculinity extremists' world views. "Look what you made me do." /3
We may be tempted to believe that Incels exist on that limb “over there” but the idea that the culture of masculinity that created us is also capable of creating them should be deeply troubling to any man reading this. /4
How masculinity extremists construct language is quite telling. Incels talk about “higher value men” and women “controlling the sexual marketplace,” language choices, which place the miraculous diversity of sexual intimacy firmly in the realm of the transactional. /5
Men's often transactional view of intimacy should come as no surprise, given that our dominance-based culture of masculinity prioritizes roles over relationships and values power created over others vs. power created with others. /6
The cold mechanics of transactions are the dominance-based masculine model for relating to women. “I’ll give you what you want if you’ll give me sex,” thus bypassing the authentic relational ways of being from which authentic and lasting intimacy, love and sex naturally emerge /7
As long as our default culture of manhood is dominance based masculinity, our joyful, loving little sons will be bullied and policed by man box culture into disaffected, lonely lives, resulting in the kind of anger and rage that makes them susceptible to extremism of all kinds /8
Incels, MRAs and MGTOWs are the canaries in the coal mine of our larger dominance-based culture of masculinity. The distorted rationalizions of Incel victimhood are darkly familiar to many of us. /9
Masculinity extremists’ rage towards women is a by product of our larger collective unwillingness to unpack the isolating trauma inflicted on us by man box culture. Too easily, scapegoating voices whisper in the back of all our minds, “The world isn’t fair to men,” and so on. /10
Broken men scapegoat women in order not to have to unpack the trauma of being policed and bullied by other boys and men. “Why won’t you have sex with me?” is a demand to sooth what we as men refuse to directly address, the broken isolated self of man box masculinity. /11
Incel self loathing, enforced on them by the alpha male bullies of man box culture, gets transmuted into an attack on women, who have refused to agree to soothe their pain sexually. This is broken thinking; thinking that refuses to look inward to find our healing as men. /12
The result is murderous violence against innocent women and girls. Acts of sexual assault and femicide number in the hundreds of millions globally. I grieve for the women who lost their lives to mass murderer Robert Aaron Long in Atlanta. As a man, I know this is on us. /13
We as men must take on men's work, free ourselves and those we love from the isolating victimhood our culture of masculinity inflicts on us. @mankindproject, @BetterManMvmt , @HUMENorg and more are waiting. Join us and build a healthy masculine culture of connection. /14
For those who might see this thread as an attack on men, I believe our CULTURE of masculinity, which we collectively create, makes us collectively responsible for what happens to women. I am asking that men collectively shift to a culture of masculine connection/ compassion. /15
And yes, there's a book. It's about how men can break out of man box culture. "First see the culture, then change the culture." You can pick up a copy here: amzn.to/39v0U31 /16

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More from @RemakingManhood

17 Mar
THREAD: The Atlanta shooter is one more example of the direct correlation between white supremacists and male supremacists. These populations feed into and recruit each other's members. You can not be one without being the other.
medium.com/remaking-manho…
/1
In our dominance-based man box culture of masculinity, we teach boys a narrow and limited set of rules for being a man. The primary message man box culture teaches boys is “women are less.” We do this by policing boys’ and men’s masculinity via the denigration of the feminine. /2
The bullying and policing of boys and men begins shortly after infancy and goes on continually. "What are you, a girl? What are you, a sissy?" This denigration of the feminine takes place not weekly or daily, but hourly, designed to continually police us back into the box. /3
Read 10 tweets
11 Mar
Until men aggressively police other men's violent words and deeds towards women and girls, we will continue to be collectively responsible for the billions of violent sins committed daily.
THREAD: Where men need to get to on #MeToo

In the The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that “Approximately 1 in 5 (21.3% or an estimated 25.5 million) women in the U.S. reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime.” /1
Given that most sexual assaults and rapes go unreported these estimates are likely very low. /2
Read 19 tweets
24 Feb
THREAD: Where men need to get to on #MeToo
In the The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that “Approximately 1 in 5 (21.3% or an estimated 25.5 million) women in the U.S. reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime.” /1
Globally, that number is much higher.
There are some men who will insist that these numbers are inflated. Some among us will debate how many millions of rapes are actually taking place. Is it actually fifteen million? Ten million? /2
What kind of culture of masculinity is capable of hosting a debate on rape framed in terms of how many millions are actually being raped, instead of how to stop it?

Ours is. /3
Read 17 tweets
24 Jan
THREAD: Why I Primarily Track Other White Men as Threats
Our anxiety inducing culture of masculinity has always driven white men to bullying and violence. And it’s getting worse, the most damaged among us becoming white nationalists or mass shooters. medium.com/remaking-manho… /1
As a white man, I track other white men as the primary threat. They are the ones I watch to see if they are going spiral into anger, to bully, to lash out and hurt others. A lifetime spent around white boys/men taught me this. /2
And even as white cultural dominance is collapsing, even as our society is moving towards full diversity and inclusion, the threats and violence from some white men are getting worse, the most damaged among us becoming white nationalists or mass shooters. /3
Read 34 tweets
21 Nov 20
The aggression playing out in social media is rooted in our culture of hierarchical, dominance-based masculinity, playing out minus the countervailing moderation found in personal interactions (we know you, we will see you again). In this way, social media is a Rorschach test. /1
Social media's lack of accountability, (very few face consequences) means that men and women, bullied and socialized into aligning with dominance culture use highly abusive language, mirroring their own abuse. In this way, social media reveals a persons level of early trauma. /2
This dangerous space allows people to calcify and express abusive racist and sexist frames in relative anonymity. Any remaining social restrictions dissipate. They are drawn to communities that mirror that language. It feels like belonging. /3
Read 13 tweets
20 Nov 20
THREAD: Trump will only get worse. Domination culture allows authoritarian leaders one path forward. To keep doubling down on violence and domination. That's the entire repertoire of options. Trump and his base have declared war on our democratic institutions. It will not end. /1
We must understand the fundamental threat posed by Trump's authoritarians who now control the Republican party. White nationalism and authoritarianism dictate that they not only win, but destroy any who are not aligned with their racist, sexist agenda. This is the end game. /2
If we fail to investigate and prosecute the corruption, crimes, and human rights violations of the Trump administration our Republic is finished. /3
Read 8 tweets

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