Thread by @RemakingManhood

THREAD: Atlanta mass murderer Robert Aaron Long is one of us. Because we’re raised in man box culture, all men contain fragments of masculinity extremists’ world views. His beliefs are not separate from ours, they are just more extreme. remakingmanhood.medium.com/were-all-incel… /1

Lately, I’ve been writing about Incels. The more I consider them, the more I realize they are not so far removed from the rest of us. The incel world view arises from the roots of the same tree, our larger culture of masculinity, where all our ideas about manhood originate. /2

Mr. Long's supposed "sex addiction" narrative is one example of the victimhood narrative which is central to MRA, INCEL and MGTOWs; to all masculinity extremists' world views. "Look what you made me do." /3

We may be tempted to believe that Incels exist on that limb “over there” but the idea that the culture of masculinity that created us is also capable of creating them should be deeply troubling to any man reading this. /4

How masculinity extremists construct language is quite telling. Incels talk about “higher value men” and women “controlling the sexual marketplace,” language choices, which place the miraculous diversity of sexual intimacy firmly in the realm of the transactional. /5

Men's often transactional view of intimacy should come as no surprise, given that our dominance-based culture of masculinity prioritizes roles over relationships and values power created over others vs. power created with others. /6

The cold mechanics of transactions are the dominance-based masculine model for relating to women. “I’ll give you what you want if you’ll give me sex,” thus bypassing the authentic relational ways of being from which authentic and lasting intimacy, love and sex naturally emerge /7

As long as our default culture of manhood is dominance based masculinity, our joyful, loving little sons will be bullied and policed by man box culture into disaffected, lonely lives, resulting in the kind of anger and rage that makes them susceptible to extremism of all kinds /8

Incels, MRAs and MGTOWs are the canaries in the coal mine of our larger dominance-based culture of masculinity. The distorted rationalizions of Incel victimhood are darkly familiar to many of us. /9

Masculinity extremists’ rage towards women is a by product of our larger collective unwillingness to unpack the isolating trauma inflicted on us by man box culture. Too easily, scapegoating voices whisper in the back of all our minds, “The world isn’t fair to men,” and so on. /10

Broken men scapegoat women in order not to have to unpack the trauma of being policed and bullied by other boys and men. “Why won’t you have sex with me?” is a demand to sooth what we as men refuse to directly address, the broken isolated self of man box masculinity. /11

Incel self loathing, enforced on them by the alpha male bullies of man box culture, gets transmuted into an attack on women, who have refused to agree to soothe their pain sexually. This is broken thinking; thinking that refuses to look inward to find our healing as men. /12

The result is murderous violence against innocent women and girls. Acts of sexual assault and femicide number in the hundreds of millions globally. I grieve for the women who lost their lives to mass murderer Robert Aaron Long in Atlanta. As a man, I know this is on us. /13

We as men must take on men's work, free ourselves and those we love from the isolating victimhood our culture of masculinity inflicts on us. @mankindproject, @BetterManMvmt , @HUMENorg and more are waiting. Join us and build a healthy masculine culture of connection. /14

For those who might see this thread as an attack on men, I believe our CULTURE of masculinity, which we collectively create, makes us collectively responsible for what happens to women. I am asking that men collectively shift to a culture of masculine connection/ compassion. /15

And yes, there's a book. It's about how men can break out of man box culture. "First see the culture, then change the culture." You can pick up a copy here: amzn.to/39v0U31 /16