Thread by @the_brumby

THE PANDEMIC TIMELINE IN TOP GUN GIFS

I know I have gathered my modest following here doing substantive tweets/threads. This one is fun and cathartic.

(1 of a quick 33)

1. A respiratory virus of unknown origin is detected in China

2. It seems to be spreading rapidly and is detected in other locales.

3. What should we do? We have a well-established plan: basically, keep your cool, don't panic, and try to keep a normal functioning society.

4. No, screw that. Let's everybody totally panic instead and implement never-before heard of, contemplated, or advised mass lockdowns of an entire healthy population.

5. Wait, do these lockdowns cause any harms?

6. Whatever, we're going to do them anyway. We promise it'll just be for two weeks.

7. You can't just shut down the economy!! It keeps society afloat.

8. It turns out, while appearing fierce, lockdowns don't actually accomplish anything. Much like an infamous locker-room jawsnap.

9. Ok, its time for something self-indulgent and kinda fun but ultimately useless. Like Fauci's 1 trillionth media appearance ... or the volleyball scene

10. Let's assemble a team of "experts" to pretend we know nothing & make endless doomsday predictions and embarrass themselves at every briefing, denying age-based risk gradients, heterogeneity, prior immunity, school closure harms, seasonality, lockdown inefficacy, lab leak, etc

11. Certain Stanford/Harvard/Oxford doctors (and select others) to everyone else as lockdowns continue to destroy all of society and humanity

12. Meanwhile, 90% of bluechecks on twitter to anyone suggesting maybe, just maybe, past a certain point its not possible to "control" a respiratory virus that spreads via people breathing and we need to move forward

13. We will never go back to normal, they say; only some horrible dystopian "new normal"

14. What is the false positive rate of these PCR tests anyway?

15. People are desperate for human contact. Me to anyone who wants to get together in person maskless

16. Literally everyone to E Feigl-Ding despite him being on twitter's promoted "experts" list

17. Ok, but masks don't work, until they do, and then they don't again, unless maybe, so we're going to wear two (preferably with a hosiery sleeve)

18. Ok good news...we have multiple effective vaccines!!

19. Schools ask permission to reopen since everyone knows it is safe; teachers unions:

20. Biden to teachers unions as public pressure mounts:

21. Certain actions by Governors early in the pandemic begin coming to light

22. Ok, but even though we have vaccines, we are going to keep all the restrictions going indefinitely. And we get to at least keep the masks, right? Sorry...its time to let go.

23. Me, looking at Gov. Ron DeSantis opening businesses and schools, restoring civil liberties. "Every Floridian has the right to earn a living. Florida is open, and we've got your back"

24. Blue states still: now is NOT a good time to reopen. We may need to extract a few more trillion, perform a few more rain dances, and sacrifice a few more virgins into the volcano

25. Meanwhile in California...do you think we might ever be able to, like, eat outside again? I mean, as long as we wear masks in between bites of course?

26. A new Surgeon General is appointed that literally wrote a book on the importance of human connection but still has to support lockdowns for political reasons

27. Europe enters yet another lockdown; how did the first one go?

28. Continuing lockdown advocates in private to Sweden/Florida/etc:

29. Everyone begins coming around to lockdowns being the worst idea ever and promises never to do them again. [you are here now]

30. All of us at our first bar after the great reopening

31. Team Apocalypse and Team Reality at the same bar when this is all over and we can finally meet in person again instead of arguing online

32. Ding after everyone has moved on

33. Thanks for reading