But is he up to the responsibility of making 60% of the country furious every day for four years
We’re never gonna see a Republican like Bush, McCain, or Romney again. The GOP might as well replace their goddamned elephant with an actual poop-flinging monkey.

- Don’t know jack about shit
- Make headlines for boldly ignorant sloganeering and/or smug putdowns
- “How triggered are the liberals” is primary measure of success
- Defended by wave after wave of Whataboutism on Fox News et. al
I thought Rush Limbaugh was dead, but today’s GOP is clearly attempting to convince me otherwise.

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More from @Dreamweasel

6 Apr
1. Why was the “DRAKE” caption on his forehead needed; the tattoo was perfectly recognizable without it

2. Was Drake recently in an accident where he had a MEMENTO-style memory affliction

3. Was Drake cancelled for some reason
4. Did somebody who was desperate to hide their Drake tattoo imagine an enormous snail in its place and think “Eureka; the perfect crime!”

5. Who in history has ever had a giant snail tattooed on their body

6. Why not stamp “SNAIL” on its forehead so we don’t get the wrong idea
Read 4 tweets
28 Mar
Wake your spouse up at 6:00 AM and say "Honey, I'm pregnant!" This will be particularly effective if you are a man

At the grocery store, buy a box of Raisin Bran when you secretly wanted corn flakes

Tell people your cat's favorite color is orange when you secretly know her favorite color is green

Read 4 tweets
15 Mar
BILL BURR: (makes joke about feminism)


It’s almost as if there were a subset of the population that took such pleasure in making liberals angry that their own wishful thinking rendered the actual reactions of liberals irrelevant Image
I can easily imagine a brand-new Turning Point USA podcast where the theme of the very first episode is “Look at How Much I Triggered the Liberals Last Time”.

Doesn’t matter if it’s true. “Triggerer of Liberals” is now the imagined status of all modern conservative commentators.
Read 4 tweets
11 Mar
Since I don’t know how sustainable my current employment situation is, I may be forced to change my user name to “EnormousWeasel_Defiant!” and have a go at doing this professionally
Joe Biden seems to know a bit more about American government than Donald Trump.


If you think treatment and prevention of the Coronavirus should be among our government’s top priorities, raise your hand ✋

Read 5 tweets
27 Feb
Subjects Where I Suspect We’re Mainly Talking to Each Other:

- “The Big Lie”.

Most Republicans still don’t believe the election was fair.

- “Republican Civil War”.

January 6 notwithstanding, the GOP rank and file has not turned against Trump in any significant way.
The Republican Party still wants Trump. Failing that, they want a candidate who delivers as much of Trump’s agenda as possible:

1. More power to the cops
2. Guns, guns, guns
3. Defund PP / end abortion
4. Fight tooth & nail against LGBT normalization
5. Piss off the liberals
They see no contradiction in the party of Law and Order willfully turning a blind eye to sedition, insurrection, and abuse of power because none of them really view Trump’s offenses as an especially big deal. Certainly no worse than anything the Democrats have publicly supported.
Read 4 tweets
27 Feb
They don’t hate us because of the trigger warnings and disclaimers.

They hate us because they hate brown people, they hate gay people, they’re terrified of the mainstreaming of trans people, and they’ve been brainwashed into believing the socialists are coming for their guns.
The trigger warnings and disclaimers - even for something as benign as The Muppet Show - are just ammunition for their side to make us look absurd and oversensitive.

But it could all stop tomorrow & it would not make a difference, because it’s not why they hate us.
DISNEY: Hey, there was some racist stuff in these old kids’ TV shows that was accepted as normal 40 years ago, but rather than throw out the baby with the bathwater we’ll just include a short disclaimer before we rerun them unedited

Read 4 tweets

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