Thread by @TheSpoonyOne

Watched "The 13th Warrior" for the first time in years. Very fun b-movie, feels very D&D with all its macho men and dungeon crawling.

Anyone who sees this will immediately want to roll up a Barbarian character just so they can talk all Bad Ass Norseman-like and get themselves killed while screaming "LO THERE DO I SEE MY FATHER!!"

(Antonio Banderas's character is me, because I'm that dickhead who dump-stats STR and brings a faceman to a Viking war.)

Spoony: I go to the town metalworker and buy a rapier.

DM: A what now?

Spoony: A rapier. A sword.

DM: "Ah!" the smith nods, handing you a two-handed broadsword.

Spoony: No, a *rapier*. A piercing weapon, DEX-based.

DM: The smith looks very confused.

Spoony: ...short sword?

And of course all my non-weapon proficiencies are like:

Language (Arabic, Read/Write)
Language (Greek)
Language (Latin)
Language (Pahlavi)
Perform (Oud)
Etiquette (Arabic Nobility)
Calligraphy

The silliest part is how he learns their language ("I *LISTENED*!!"), but I give the script credit for at least offering some explanation.

I also found it laughable that the one thing Ahmed teaches the leader of the Northmen is to write "There is only one God, and Mohammed is His prophet" in Arabic.

I mean, dude, you picked like, the one sentence most likely to offend him by implying his gods are bullshit.

All the leader wanted to really know is how to write "Bulwyf wuz 'eer" on walls.