Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford to base all emergency health measures on what he sees when driving around in his truck, what his buddies are doing and how many planes fly over his house.
2. Ford says golf not source of virus spread; post-game barley pops is.

3. Ford says Trudeau had two jobs and he's not doing either. Ford outraged, says as a result he's not able to do his one job - cross-province campaigning.
4. Dr. David Williams says Ontarians who got AZ shot will probably maybe hopefully be mostly okay.

5. Lecce says classes in September will be held at local LCBOs since all stores already have closed circuit TV installed.
6. McNaughton says Ontario university too expensive so solution is for kids to become welders and get good-paying jobs building the 403/Doug Ford Expressway.

7. Jason Kenney defenestrates 2 UCP MLAs. No confirmation yet whether this means he ejected them from office or threw them out a window.
8. UCP MLA says Kenney "raised up by Gawd to lead Alberta." Ron Orr says whenever faced with a dilemma he asks himself, "What would Jason do?"

9. Leak from Ford cabinet indicates Ford was placed in hiding "to protect the king." Ford doesn't comment on his promotion from Pandemic Police Chief to King of Etobitario.
10. Lisa MacLeod says Ontario won't approve CFL play this summer unless players wear Lecce-branded PPE.

11. Canadian Military introduces new senior level rank. No confirmation yet when first 'Philander-General' will be appointed.
12. Trudeau government struggles to sell Bill C-10. Michelle Rempel outraged, says bill will prevent Canadians from blocking one another on social media.

13. Organizers announce Calgary Stampede to go ahead in July. Rodeo horses says it's about time the audience faced obvious risk to health and well-being too.
14. Alberta announces Rodeo as official provincial sport and bowl cuts as official UCP haircut.
15. Brock blocked me.

16. Kenney tweets "glad there's a restraining order against this nutbar - to protect AHS staff from threats." Later confirms he was not talking about Tyler Shandro.
17. Michelle Taylor Rempel. Erm I mean Marjorie Rempel Green. Dammit. I mean Michelle Garner Green. Oh, never mind.

18. Brett Wilson says people being too hard on Kenney and they should leave Jason and Brett's orphan oil wells alone.
19. Scott Moe says federal plan to re-open too slow. Says Saskatchewan will follow Ontario and Alberta's leads because their numbers are high which must be good.

20. CPC tweets meme depicting Canadians dying. Later deleting the tweet and criticizing CRTC for not preventing their tweet.
21. Poilievre says a cashier told him inflation is bad and that really gave him a lot to think about.
22. Trudeau cleared on WE. Poilievre sobs quietly.

23. Mass march by anti-mask, anti-lockdown cRuSaDeRs take over Toronto Streets; Doug Ford responds by saying protesters all flew into Toronto in private jets or Ubered in from Buffalo and where the heck is Trudeau on this massive Space Coe-Vedd problem anyway?

24. Ian Rankin says he's not backing down on NS's lockdown measures. Kenney disappointed to learn Nova Scotia won't be lending Alberta any nurses for Calgary Stampede.
25. Trudeau promises 1-dose summer and 2-dose fall. Conservatives outraged. That's it. That's the funny part.

26. AG's report states $4.4B of Ontario's Covid relief funds unaccounted for. Ford government also unable to tell auditors when front-line workers received pandemic pay increases announced in late April 2020 or when Rob Ford's kids might get their inheritance from Uncle Doug.

27. "Close to 50% of eligible Canadians have received at least one dose of a COVID-19 vaccine to date, and we're already starting to see the results." (CBC)

Look at us. Just given'r.

Gotta start planning my autumn housewarming party.

Cheetos. Check.