What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. After a gruelling week of working his back off 24/7 Doug Ford closes golf courses and ban strippers from construction sites.
2. Ford government says science says Covid spreads rapidly in community playgrounds but not school playgrounds.
3. Doug Ford unveils his new Viradar™. Ford says the Ontario-made Viradar™ helps him detect co-vedd in playgrounds as he drives by.
4. Doug announces in Friday's presser "logging is essential work because that's where the aspirins come from."
5. Doug's disappointed in not Doug.
6. Friday Doug says playgrounds aren't safe. Saturday Doug announces children won't be tazed by OPP for using swings.
7. Sunday Lecce says schools are safe. Monday Doug says schools aren't safe. Tuesday Lecce says closing schools was part of the plan he never had until tomorrow.
8. Solicitor General Sylvia Jones says in interview "People are dying because they're not wearing masks and that's ridiculous." For the first time ever Jones is correct. Her statement was ridiculous.
9. Large anti-mask protest not shut down by Solicitor General yesterday.
10. Vax doses for London-Middlesex hotspot cancelled based on month-old data, rerouted to Fullerton's Kanata riding based on four-month-old data. That's it. That's the funny part.
11. Ontario Covid ICU patients to be transferred to LTCs and Mike Harris moved to larger cottage.
12. UCP spokesperson says Kenney's repeated references to non-existent kids' birthday party "super-spreader event" in Athabasca was only an analogy used to demonstrate how Kenney is still pretty upset about never being invited to birthday parties as a kid.
13. Kenney clamps down on bullying and racism by insisting Matt Wolf and all Issues Managers stop following racist, bullying Twitter account.
14. Doug Ford asks his "great, close friends!" Kenney and Moe to loan Ontario healthcare staff. Kenney and Moe ghost Doug on Facebook.
15. Erin O'Toole unveils CPC's new carbon pricing plan. Plan aims to lessen carbon emissions by rewarding people for buying more gas. I have nothing to add to this.
16. CPC Frequent Carbon Flyer Rewards points redeemable for an afternoon fishing charter with Andrew Scheer.
17. CPC outraged about what Feds paid for life-saving vaccines, call for inquiry into Margaret Trudeau's role in choosing WE as vaccine supplier.
18. Poilievre says if more Canadians were working right now pandemic wouldn't be as bad. Doug Ford being the exception to this rule.
19. Weeks after Rick Hillier's departure as Ontario's vaccination rollout czar, Ontario government says vaccination strategy now being changed to address the glaring need to have a plan.
20. Doug closes Ontario land borders. Winnipeggers now canoeing to Kenora for Ontario beer.
21. Minister of Health Christine Elliott outraged at the suggestion politics played any part in redistribution of vaccines from non-PC ridings to PC ridings. Elliott says it wasn't politics, but the need to ensure PC MPP Jill Dunlop can continue her spring gardening safely.
22. Doug Ford's biggest financial supporter Mattamy Homes releases statement saying when they contributed to Ontario Proud in 2018 they believed Ontario Proud's focus was building rescue shelters for puppies and sponsoring foster kids in war-torn Muskoka.
23. Liberal MP Will Amos inadvertently appears on House of Commons Zoom feed naked while undressing after a run. Millions of Ontarians relieved it wasn't Queen's Park and Randy Hillier.
24. Brian Lilley receives leak saying Doug Ford says no more leaks to media. No. Seriously.
25. I've come to liken Trudeau's pandemic response style to someone learning to drive clutch and stick. I've come to liken Doug Ford's pandemic response style to a guy working a carnival midway and loosening bolts on rides because his buddies run rollercoaster repair businesses.
26. Trees are budding. Robins built a nest in a fern planter out back this week. Mowed the lawn and didn't contract any outdoors co-vedd. People are getting shots. Summer still won't be ideal, no. But unlike last summer now there's hope.

I'll take that.

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh
 

Keep Current with Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!

PDF

Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @mynamesnotgordy

11 Apr
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford issues official Hunker Down Order on Thursday. Says he only found out about Ontario's Coe-VEDD positivity levels and ICU crisis on Wednesday because he's been very busy lately and hasn't had time to drive around much.
2. Doug Ford pretends to die after getting AZ shot. Ford says he hopes his fun-filled death-related antics help eliminate vaccination hesitancy and then asks for his free vaccination lollipop.
3. Ford says his government "is listening to the experts." Doesn't specify which ones.
4. Ford says people should be more positive. Ontario responds by reaching record number of positive test results.
5. Stephen Lecce adheres to Stay-at-Home order by visiting vaccination centre to talk about how he's working hard to redouble layers of safety across the planet.
Read 14 tweets
3 Apr
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford pulls the pandemic "Emergency Brake" in Ontario. Churchgoers now limited to 20% capacity at the pool and spa store before they head off to the golf course.
2. Jason Kenney locks down Alberta by insisting "C'mon guys! Please?"
3. Erin O'Toole tweets video saying he's concerned about climate change because he's Conservative. Video cut short just before CPC votes against climate.
4. O'Toole says he's talking about spring election because he knows Trudeau's planning one because O'Toole is so low in polls.
5. Michelle Rempel pens Sun article insisting Canada open up during worst surge of pandemic. Rempel says people should be able to buy new 'Live, Love, Shoot Stuff with AR-15' throw pillows from GunSense.
6. Oil & Gas thank Poilievre for his ongoing support by buying hair product.
Read 13 tweets
2 Apr
Some changes in my bEhAviOuR after a year of emergency braking:

1. I name stuff. Everything really. The birds in the yard. My shirts. I even have six giant ferns named David, Alexa, Johnny, Moira, Stevie and Twy.
2. I worked from home for 10 years before all this started. So buddies often Facetime me to ask how I coped working solo all those years. First thing I tell them is to please put some clothes on.
3. I was never big on wearing socks. Now that's evolved to not being big on wearing pants. Suffice it to say the manager at the Foodland in town is not a fan of my life choices.
Read 20 tweets
28 Mar
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford announces billion dollar investment in Ontario's education system by using federal tax dollars to convince parents to like him
2. Stephen Lecce says science insists kids belong in class during a pandemic at home when it's over
3. Supreme Court decides federal carbon pricing is legal. Jason Kenney says now that he's tried nothing he will adopt Rachel Notley's plan.
4. Suez Canal blocked and surprisingly enough it wasn't by Michelle Rempel.
5. Brian Lilley goes deep undercover to get hot political news.
6. Erin O'Toole says CPC will "Restore leadership in Canada." CPC delegates vote against his motion.
7. CPC Jobs Critic Pierre Poilievre continues attack on WE, questioning thousands of jobs the CPC cost students last year.
8. After months of silence Andrew Scheer tweets meme.
Read 14 tweets
21 Mar
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Federal Conservatives say climate change doesn't exist, while Conservatives in Alberta say Bigfoot is definitely real.
2. Doug Ford announces on Friday Ontario is vaccinating Ontarians at record rates with no vaccines from the Feds.
3. Doug Ford officially launches Ontario's third wave of the pandemic by visiting local donut shop and pizzeria.
4. Doug Ford says his government hasn't enacted any MZOs municipalities haven't asked for except that first one in Toronto people have found out about so far.
5. At the CPC's annual convention Erin O'Toole promises to accomplish a lot of stuff if elected Prime Minister except providing any details how.
6. Pierre Poilievre tweets that Canadians should have the freedom to drink on patios but only if they wear O&G hoodies and are smug.
Read 15 tweets
13 Mar
What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. The UPC's Energy War Room takes on Netflix. War Room says animated Bigfoot has un-Albertan thoughts.
2. Ford government says pandemic-related death statistics "not relevant" because none of those people are Party donors anymore anyway.
3. Internal document shows Ford government decided some LTC virus control measures "cost too much." Turns out "iron ring" was actually used pool noodle
4. Lecce signs announcement about sign language programs. Translaters say later he just signed 'ostensibly' over and over again.
5. Doug Ford releases long-awaited sequel to 2020's 'Doug Bakes!' video. 'Gardening with Doug' demonstrates dangers of planting petunias too close together during a pandemic. Also, safe moped riding across front lawn practices are shared. Rotten Tomatoes gives film 5 gaslights.
Read 14 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!


This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!