1. Doug Ford issues official Hunker Down Order on Thursday. Says he only found out about Ontario's Coe-VEDD positivity levels and ICU crisis on Wednesday because he's been very busy lately and hasn't had time to drive around much.
2. Doug Ford pretends to die after getting AZ shot. Ford says he hopes his fun-filled death-related antics help eliminate vaccination hesitancy and then asks for his free vaccination lollipop. 3. Ford says his government "is listening to the experts." Doesn't specify which ones.
4. Ford says people should be more positive. Ontario responds by reaching record number of positive test results. 5. Stephen Lecce adheres to Stay-at-Home order by visiting vaccination centre to talk about how he's working hard to redouble layers of safety across the planet.
6. Sylvia Jones says Ford government wanted to see the ICUs fill up to be sure the modelling was accurate. Jones says they also wanted people to enjoy Easter dinner together, before being intubated. 7. Doug announces hotspots will offer mobile vax clinics from back of his pickup.
8. Doug Ford says "Ontario is doing pretty well!" That's it. That's the funny part. 9. Ford's Media Relations chief, Ivana Lilley, argues people took Ford's "doing pretty well!" comment out of context. Says Ford was referring to something else he wasn't talking about at the time.
10. Erin O'Toole says CPC will secure mental health by offering three-digit suicide hotline. Says recorded message will involve relaxing flute music and Alexa saying "You can do it!" 11. O'Toole says Stay-at-Home order same as fighting at Vimy Ridge except with LCBOs and Netflix.
12. 16 UCP MLAs start anti-lockdown sub-caucus. Kenney says his MLAs are entitled to their viewpoints, especially when he agrees with them. 13. Kenney says Alberta will be okay by summer because people will get COVID and then recover, making them immune. Calls it Hurt Immunity.
14. Pallister says property taxes shouldn't fund public schools. Says Manitobans with big yards shouldn't have to pay for luxuries like schools when they're facing increased pool expenses. 15. Conservative-run provinces hit hardest by third wave, clearly proving Trudeau must go.
16. Ontarians generally ignoring Stay-at-Home order. Doug Ford says during photo opp at Marge's Bait 'n Tackle he doesn't understand why. 17. Public schools start April break with Covid numbers at record levels. Lecce says it's safer than March because forsythia is blooming now.
18. Michelle Rempel joins UCP anti-lockdown coalition. Says provincial lockdowns introduced by Trudeau hurting Oklahoma's economy. 19. Poilievre says if Rex Murphy says there's a scandal then clearly this calls for a inquiry into anything but Jason Kenney's tax breaks for O&G.
20. Liberal Convention tables motions to support Universal Basic Income and Pharmacare. Pundits point to Poilievre and Scheer's decades-long access to guaranteed income and free pharma as proof it offers no incentive to recipients to find real work.
21. Doug Ford says 40% of Ontario's population will be vaccinated by May 6. Following announcement Doug sees map of Ontario, realizes Ontario includes stuff beyond Durham, Waterloo and Muskoka. 22. Ford says during press conference hard questions don't cut the mustard. Seriously.
23. With schools on break now, Stephen Lecce expected to announce schools reached safest levels in Ontario's history thanks to his unwavering consultations and gratitude. 24. Weekends are super nice because there are no Doug Ford press conferences. Yup. That's where we are now.
25. The truly bad news: It appears fewer than most are taking this Stay-at-Home order seriously.
The truly good news: Four more people I really dig got their first shots this week.
Who knew "I got vaccinated" would someday be such music to our ears?
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1. Doug Ford pulls the pandemic "Emergency Brake" in Ontario. Churchgoers now limited to 20% capacity at the pool and spa store before they head off to the golf course. 2. Jason Kenney locks down Alberta by insisting "C'mon guys! Please?"
3. Erin O'Toole tweets video saying he's concerned about climate change because he's Conservative. Video cut short just before CPC votes against climate. 4. O'Toole says he's talking about spring election because he knows Trudeau's planning one because O'Toole is so low in polls.
5. Michelle Rempel pens Sun article insisting Canada open up during worst surge of pandemic. Rempel says people should be able to buy new 'Live, Love, Shoot Stuff with AR-15' throw pillows from GunSense. 6. Oil & Gas thank Poilievre for his ongoing support by buying hair product.
Some changes in my bEhAviOuR after a year of emergency braking:
1. I name stuff. Everything really. The birds in the yard. My shirts. I even have six giant ferns named David, Alexa, Johnny, Moira, Stevie and Twy.
2. I worked from home for 10 years before all this started. So buddies often Facetime me to ask how I coped working solo all those years. First thing I tell them is to please put some clothes on.
3. I was never big on wearing socks. Now that's evolved to not being big on wearing pants. Suffice it to say the manager at the Foodland in town is not a fan of my life choices.
1. Doug Ford announces billion dollar investment in Ontario's education system by using federal tax dollars to convince parents to like him 2. Stephen Lecce says science insists kids belong in class during a pandemic at home when it's over
3. Supreme Court decides federal carbon pricing is legal. Jason Kenney says now that he's tried nothing he will adopt Rachel Notley's plan. 4. Suez Canal blocked and surprisingly enough it wasn't by Michelle Rempel. 5. Brian Lilley goes deep undercover to get hot political news.
6. Erin O'Toole says CPC will "Restore leadership in Canada." CPC delegates vote against his motion. 7. CPC Jobs Critic Pierre Poilievre continues attack on WE, questioning thousands of jobs the CPC cost students last year. 8. After months of silence Andrew Scheer tweets meme.
1. Federal Conservatives say climate change doesn't exist, while Conservatives in Alberta say Bigfoot is definitely real. 2. Doug Ford announces on Friday Ontario is vaccinating Ontarians at record rates with no vaccines from the Feds.
3. Doug Ford officially launches Ontario's third wave of the pandemic by visiting local donut shop and pizzeria. 4. Doug Ford says his government hasn't enacted any MZOs municipalities haven't asked for except that first one in Toronto people have found out about so far.
5. At the CPC's annual convention Erin O'Toole promises to accomplish a lot of stuff if elected Prime Minister except providing any details how. 6. Pierre Poilievre tweets that Canadians should have the freedom to drink on patios but only if they wear O&G hoodies and are smug.
1. The UPC's Energy War Room takes on Netflix. War Room says animated Bigfoot has un-Albertan thoughts. 2. Ford government says pandemic-related death statistics "not relevant" because none of those people are Party donors anymore anyway.
3. Internal document shows Ford government decided some LTC virus control measures "cost too much." Turns out "iron ring" was actually used pool noodle 4. Lecce signs announcement about sign language programs. Translaters say later he just signed 'ostensibly' over and over again.
5. Doug Ford releases long-awaited sequel to 2020's 'Doug Bakes!' video. 'Gardening with Doug' demonstrates dangers of planting petunias too close together during a pandemic. Also, safe moped riding across front lawn practices are shared. Rotten Tomatoes gives film 5 gaslights.
1. The key to Ontario's economic recovery is hair salons in Vaughan. 2. The key to Alberta's economic recovery is lowering wages and cutting jobs, not taking money out of people's pockets with a sales tax.
3. Ontario set vaccination records this week while having no vaccines in the freezers because of Trudeau 4. Federal Conservatives outraged about all the money Trudeau spending on Canada and provincial Conservatives demand Trudeau send more money. That's it. That's the funny part.
5. In February, Conservatives demand the Feds deliver vaccines. In March they demand the Feds deliver the Kielburgers. CPC insiders say in April they'll be demanding Trudeau cancel The Beachcombers. 6. Conservatives outraged Dr Seuss is being cancelled and demand CBC be closed.