Thread by @XivTroy

When I was 10, I was involved in a bloody tuff war. 3 cool kids had moved into our hood & were giving our girls pin pops. Nasharua & her friends soon abandoned my crew, went hanging with the fools. I was pained, we'd been giving them bottle tops & discarded tins to cook sand on!

It was betrayal whichever way you want to look at it. Pin pops you'll eat & go poop, but the cooking tins & bottle tins were forever. I can't count the number of times I had ran home from school, to rummage through garbage to get these b*tches discarded jam tins!

Cool kids were assholes, man. They had bikes & real soccer balls. All along we'd been kicking polythene paper balls. They even smelled nice. You ever seen a 10-year-old kid smell nice? Exactly! It was weird. These fuckers were showering twice a day. I hated them!

So one day, I got my gang together. Amos Janjaweed, Moses the Rat & Fat Jimmy. They too were not happy. Amos was mad that his girl Jasmine had gone too. Moses & fat Jimmy were just happy we were going to get pin pops from those fuckers. We planned!

The problem was, the cool kids walked with a dog. I had no dog expertise. But Fat Jimmy said his grandma had a dog. Said he was the dog whisperer. I suggested we steal some beef from home to distract the dog, Jimmy said cool dogs don't eat beef, they eat chilli crisps.

That night we all stole coins from home. Next day we went to the shop got 2 chilli crisps sachets. Fat Jimmy carried them. He had cargo pants. Plan was we'd ambush the cool kids near the field. If the dog came rushing from their house, Fat Jimmy would distract it with the crisps.

The plan went well, God does not abandon his people., Even though bitches do! Bitches do! We heard the cool kids from afar. Talking about Ja Rule & shit, saying Bonnie M wasn't shit. Bonnie M was the only English band we knew then & these fuckers were trashing 'em! I was mad!

I even heard Nasharua telling them I stank. I was 10, we don't like water! It is written! She knew what she was getting into. And it never stopped her from taking my bottle tops. I had heard enough. I sprang on them, caught the mofo that had kidnapped my Nasharua in the jaw.

Amos Janjaweed caught the next in the gut, Fat Jimmy & Moses the Rat were on the third. They got so excited they started biting the poor kid, I said, "NO BITING!". Then turned back to punch the asshole. We were winning the war. I was even crying tears of joy.

5 minutes in, they all had bloody noses. Fat Jimmy was seated jumping on the 3rd cool kid, Amos Janjaweed was making scary faces to scare the one he had under him. They were terrified. And then we heard it, a barking dog, snarling & fidgeting behind these fool's fence. Plan B.

Nasharua had seen her mistake. She was saying, "beat him, baby. He said you stank like ass". The dog had found a way out of the fence & was charging towards us. I turned to Fat Jimmy, screamed plan B - the crisps plan. Fat Jimmy starts crying, I am thinking tears of joy.

So I repeat louder, "Plan B, Jimmy! Throw the crisps". Jimmy is still wimping. I look closer and that's when I see it: first on his lips, tiny strands of red & yellow dust...and then on his shirt: JIMMY HAD EATEN THE WAR CHILLI CRISPS!! Oh man!! Oh Jimmy!

Now we are all screaming for help. Tuff war rage gone. Dog is 2 feet from us, when it stops, & pulls its tongue out & starts rolling on the ground. Yeah people, dog was one of those stupid ones. "the lover not a fighter" type. So we tied it & caned it too. Scorched earth policy.

That's how I got my tuff back. Of course, we were caned that very next day, when the cool kids' parents reported. But from then, the cool kids shared their pin pops with us, & gave us their bikes to ride. I got back Nasharua. She would receive bottle tops for a few more years.