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David Burge Profile picture
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26 May, 4 tweets, 1 min read
This just in: evidence-free weightlifting brags go back 3000 years before the internet
On the other side of the rock it says "LOL weaksauce Bybon son of Phola / I Testicles of Pita can lift three of such stones and 10 reps"
History is clear: if you think men exaggerate their wang size, you should see how they exaggerate their bench press
New #DavePoll for men only: what personal attribute do you most absurdly exaggerate online?

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
28 May
"Lego did not respond to PolitiFact’s query about the post"
politifact.com/factchecks/202…
I defy you to prove whether the Babylon Bee or PolitiFact is the real satire site
I picture the Babylon Bee gamboling through a dew-kissed meadow tossing rakes hither and thither, with the PolitiFact Truth Squad in hot pursuit
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
27 May
Soft serve is the best ice cream, fight me
I say this as someone who hand makes ice cream every Thanksgiving & Christmas season. When the temperature is above 80F though, nothing beats DQ
And this is the unrivaled hands down best ice cream parlor on Planet Earth, end of discussion Image
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
26 May
Buy me a beer and I'll tell you about Toi Pei
Back in '20 I was just a naive antiseptic wipe, fresh from the factory, when I got my Walmart warehouse draft notice. When I shipped out over the scanner, I was full of bravado and ready to clean out some anuses. But nothing can prepare you for what it's like in the real shit.
*this thread best experienced while listening to "Fortunate Son"
Read 8 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
25 May
1996: normalizing trade with China will put pressure on them to liberalize free speech and civil rights

2021:
Find someone to look at you the way Hollywood looks at a Chinese government jackboot
We are truly living in a Golden Age of Craven
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
25 May
I know this may be a controversial take, but perhaps the main problem with domestic street violence against American Jews is domestic street violence against American Jews
*Mobs in pickup trucks throw Molotov cocktails in the Diamond District*

NYT Editorialist: this is a dangerous slippery slope that could lead to Nancy Pelosi losing the House Speakership
I may be stupid but I'm no right-winger; just an atheist dope smoker who fails to see the nuanced political diff between the nativist racists shooting up synagogues Pittsburgh or the nativist racists firebombing Midtown Manhattan.
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
24 May
GO BIG TEN
We're just proud to be Wisconsin's drinking buddy
I would note that when it comes to drinking, the Big XII is Iowa State and the 9 Dwarves
Read 18 tweets

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