Thread by @iowahawkblog

GO BIG TEN

https://twitter.com/DempMcgee/status/1396563829698465803

We're just proud to be Wisconsin's drinking buddy

https://twitter.com/ToddWNoelle/status/1396839378274512902

I would note that when it comes to drinking, the Big XII is Iowa State and the 9 Dwarves

Iowa: our grandmas will drink your frat bros under the table

The rest of the B1G to Ohio State, Purdue, and Indiana

In Wisconsin this is a perfunctory polite form of greeting

https://twitter.com/JohnCar03379121/status/1396843086920261636

I think it's important to underscore that while Midwesterners are drunks, they are also high quality happy friendly drunks; not like the belligerent and crying drunks found in less enlightened regions

The reason for the regional differences could be Darwinian. When a Midwesterner drinks a 12 pack, he burps, takes a whiz, and resumes drinking. When a Southerner drinks a 12 pack, he says "hold my beer" and tries to jump an ATV over 20 running chain saws

Newfies say: get on our level, lightweights

https://twitter.com/RealSenatorials/status/1396872077194498049

Said every LSU fan strutting into Lambeau Field for the Wisconsin game, before taking the L and being carried out unconscious by Badger fans

https://twitter.com/jkrwld/status/1396874051000455177

"I drink at SEC tailgates, how hard could it be to keep up with Wisconsinites?" is the equivalent of thinking you can scale Mt Everest in flipflops

The science is indisputable: Iowa, Wisconsin, Minnesota, the Dakotas and Nebraska are America's Happy Drunks

https://twitter.com/Phonusbalonus1/status/1396878436480786444

I appreciate this LSU fan's honesty. I think a lot of Southerners disbelieve a Midwesterner is really outdrinking them, because somehow the Midwesterner is still polite and friendly

https://twitter.com/lougarrulous/status/1396880087002267653

Burge’s Theory postulates a crossover effect

I'm going to apply for a NSF grant to solve for the Dubuque Gap (the amount of booze it takes for a Midwesterner to be as friendly as a sober Southerner) and the Chattanooga Gap (the amount of booze it takes for a Southern to be as leery and standoffish as a sober Midwesterner)

Then there is the elusive Ethyl Equilibrium, the amount of joint alcohol consumption that puts Midwesterners and Southerners on the same synchronized emotional wavelength

In a fair world, I would get tenure and a Distinguished Chair in Sociology at Princeton for this thread

oh wait, that means I'd have to live in New Jersey so never mind