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H.K // デビル零 Profile picture
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31 May, 21 tweets, 7 min read
I loved @poondonkus's Guilty Gear thread so much that I had to steal the idea

Virtua Fighter 5 Ultimate Showdown characters, ranked by how much I trust them to drive me to the airport
Akira would drive you to the airport, but the moment you stepped out of the car, he would scold you for your lack of planning and say he won't do it next time.

Availability:
Driving: Efficient
Music: Podcasts about martial arts
Conversation: Sparse
Rank: B
Jacky will absolutely jump at the chance to drive you to the airport, and show you all of the cool shortcuts he knows while casually and frequently breaking the speed limit.

Availability: ALWAYS
Driving: Slick
Music: Butt Rock
Conversation: Chatty
Rank: A
Sarah would be a bit more hesitant to drive you to the airport, but would oblige if you indicated you were out of options.

Availability: Likely
Driving: Uses GPS even if she knows the route
Music: Early 90s pop
Conversation: Makes subtly snarky small talk
Rank: B
Lau would berate you for asking for a ride, then drive you. You worry that he could keel over and die anytime on the way.

Availability: Random
Driving: Aggressive but abides by traffic laws
Music: No
Conversation: Insults between cough fits
Rank: D
Pai would gladly volunteer to drive you, only to leave you terrified when you get in the car by cutting everyone off and running multiple stop signs and red lights.

Availability: Likely
Driving: VERY aggressive
Music: Chinese pop hits
Conversation: Yelling at drivers
Rank: D
Kage does not drive. He will launch and juggle you to the airport.

Availability: Rare
Driving: 4+P+G
Music: Eerie silence
Conversation: None
Rank: C, if he doesn't drop the combo
Wolf will offer to drive you to the airport. It will be a pleasant ride with friendly conversation. He says, "ask me anytime!"

Availability: Reliable
Driving: Safe
Music: Wrestling entrance themes
Conversation: Enjoyable
Rank: A
Jeffry doesn't have a car, but can drive you over if you can reach the airport by boat. The boat's just a liiiiiittle rickety.

Availability: Likely
Boating: Adept
Music: He sings the whole time
Conversation: Fun
Rank: Variable
Lion would LOVE to drive you to the airport just to show off his million-dollar car he never has a chance to use.

Availability: Likely
Driving: Inexperienced
Music: Top 40
Conversation: One-sided
Rank: A-
Shun should not be driving under any circumstances.

Rank: F
Aoi does not have a license. The thought of driving terrifies her.

Rank: F
Lei-Fei does not have time to drive you to the airport, and would sneer at you the whole time if he did. Like Lau, but less chance of sudden death.

Availability: Unlikely
Driving: Halting
Music: Meditation podcasts
Conversation: Getting berated
Rank: D
Vanessa would be mildly annoyed by you asking her for a ride, but she'd definitely do it every time.

Availability: Sure
Driving: Depends on traffic
Music: "Whatever, you pick"
Conversation: ...but you notice her subtly mouthing words to all the songs on the radio
Rank: A
Brad would definitely drive you to the airport. If you're a lady, you'd want to get out of the car the moment you get there.

Availability: Random
Driving: Focused
Music: Horny Jams
Conversation: For dudes: game theory. For ladies: Creepy pick-up lines.
Rank: C/F
Goh would begrudgingly take you to the airport in a car with conspicuously missing plates.

Availability: Unlikely
Driving: Bursts of aggression
Music: The entire Linkin Park catalog
Conversation: Sporadic, incoherent screaming at other drivers
Rank: D
Eileen is far too young to have a license, but wants to ride with you when you do find somebody and talk your ear off.
El Blaze's car is small and might not fit all of your luggage. He's also a terror behind the wheel. You arrive shaken and jittery.

Availability: Sporadic
Driving: Fast and Erratic
Music: Spanish-language radio
Conversation: Bragging about his wins
Rank: D
Jean is a perfect driver in a car that looks way too good for him. He doesn't talk much -- only to ask for some cash from you once you get there for his trouble.

Availability: Random
Driving: Calculated
Music: Metal
Conversation: Smug silence
Rank: B
Taka does not drive, and never will.
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Enjoy VF5US everybody!

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More from @Zerochan

H.K // デビル零 Profile picture
1 Jun
Hi folks, since you might be intimidated when starting #VF5US, here are some reminders!

- You are absolutely going to get bopped at first and that’s fine
- Finding a character you like and growing into them is more important than winning immediately
- Win rate don’t mean shit
Also, just play whoever the hell you like, I wouldn’t be a Vanessa main for 20-some years if I was going for sheer tier advantage
Honestly I find people who play fighting games with the “I NEED to WIN at ALL TIMES” mentality 24/7 to be hella sus and not fun to be around
Read 5 tweets
H.K // デビル零 Profile picture
29 May
Hi I will answer your extremely weird VF related questions that you’re afraid to ask
“They say VF has good character balance but I still worry about my character getting nerfed in the future”

Just pick Jacky, Akira, Lau, or Kage, they are the four God-Emperors of VF and will never be bad, ever
“Who do I play if I just want to troll and piss off the most people?” Taka. Taka alllllll day
Read 4 tweets
H.K // デビル零 Profile picture
4 May
Acquired this today: Cancelled Famicom Games Guide. Lots of details on games announced and canned for the FC (including some that got NES releases), along with a really nice section showing early versions of releases games showcased in magazines and promo materials
Thing I learned today: Aruden Raruden, the version of obscure Famicom platforms Robocco Wars set to have been published by Taito, was supposed to have a bunch of Taito references before it was cancelled and reskinned. Basically “Megablast but better”
IGS eventually published it themselves as Robocco Wars but scrubbed all the references... mostly.

.@covell_chris covered this on his site, which has the codes necessary to access unused content, including a stage with the Silver Hawk boss: chrismcovell.com/secret/FC__199…
Read 4 tweets
H.K // デビル零 Profile picture
21 Mar
Pictures, design documents, and anecdotes for obscure, unported arcade single-screen platformer Penguin Brothers at the link
A lot of folks seem to think this game was Taiwanese, but I believe only the publisher was based in Taiwan
Ah, I missed this earlier post about the game! t1008.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-40.… In summary: Taito backed out of publishing, another company stepped in, but location testing was not great, but the game was licensed to Subsino and did well in Korea
Read 4 tweets
H.K // デビル零 Profile picture
3 Feb
My review of Cyber Shadow is up at @GameSpot: gamespot.com/reviews/cyber-…
In summary: I liked this game a lot, except for the parts where I hated it, which were mostly towards the end
The later portions of the game I really disliked can be basically described as "Kaizo trials," as in "do exactly as the designers intended to the letter or die"
Playing Cyber Shadow made me mull platformer design over a bit -- I don't mind difficult games at all, but I prefer a difficulty where you're told "here's a tough situation, you have a bunch of tools, figure out something that works for you..."
Read 4 tweets
H.K // デビル零 Profile picture
20 Dec 20
So I’m going to not give direct attention to today’s terrible Cyberpunk take (this is a daily thing now) and instead talk about something related: the death of mainstream games criticism in Japan
You ever see a tweet showing an old Famitsu review from the 80s or 90s and say, “whoa, I can’t believe how harsh these reviewers were to these classic games?” That’s because, at the time, Famitsu had lots of competition and what set them apart was brutal, nitpicky criticism.
Of course, it wasn’t perfect — you’d still rarely see scores below a 4/10. But it helped them get attention, and they did get a lot of backlash similar to what you see when outlets “underscore” a big AAA release nowadays.
Read 10 tweets

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