Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter while trying to ignore it the last few weeks:

1. In Ontario, from the mouths of babes comes official government strategy
2. In Alberta, drinking cheap booze is a sign of taking personal responsibility
3. In Manitoba it's best to arrive stylishly late

4. Dr Hinshaw can't be sure about proximities in a photo unless she's there in the photo.
5. Dr Williams has decided to retire, now that Doug's neighbour's kids Bert and Ernie gave the okay to open golf courses.
6. Borders bad. Pop-ins at strangers' houses during lockdown okay.

7. In March, inside was good, outside was bad. In June, inside bad, last-minute province-wide graduation ceremonies good.
8. Toronto is an exciting, robust city. Until you visit game 7.
9. Lecce added to Ontario's Endangered Turtles list.
10. Arthur is polling better than Doug.

11. If you lean Left east of Kenora you're Liberal Elite. If you lean Right in Alberta, have fancy meetings with white table clothes and lots of booze, you're for the people.
12. Jason Kenney blames the fancy working meeting on the NDP's history of fancy dinners during pandemics.

13. According to Doug, when Ontario's GDP is good it because of Doug but when Covid stats are bad it's because Ontario is so big.
14. Some say Doug Ford was scared by a border as a kid.
15. Lecce insists schools are safe no matter what Doug says. That's it. That's the funny part.

16. Air Canada execs get taxpayer-funded bonuses because they acted quickly and decisively during trying times and Ontario's frontline healthcare workers got to see the Leafs choke for free.
17. Doug Ford would rather take questions from media than have to speak to children.

18. The National Post wants to sell all inner-city parks to Oil & Gas and give all French Canadians clean drinking water.
19. I find it strange nobody in Ontario has asked if Stephen Harper's middle name is Arthur or if Harper has a butler named Marcus.

20. Doug Ford to be awarded honorary Grade 10 Degree at Arthur's outdoor graduation ceremony.
21. If you're alive or older in Ontario you're eligible for your vaccination but just not by using the provincial vaccination portal.
22. Doug Ford to receive his sixth jab next week.

23. The best way to manage a pandemic in Alberta is to declare a great summer ahead.
24. Montreal is better than Toronto. Except winters. Oh, and the tween-age government policy advisors in Toronto are the best little negotiators.

25. Doug Ford says his cabinet "is the best team I've seen in my 30 years of being in politics!" Doug first won office in Toronto in 2010. Proving Ontario's public education system clearly needs work because even after 10 years in the system the province's Premier can't count.

26. Doug's spending less on mental health supports for kids than the cash he gave parents to help pay for four months of home internet but an hour-long physically-distanced parking lot grad ceremony should get all those kids all fixed up in two shakes of a Happy Meal's tail.

27. There's no such thing as a "well-intended" colonizer. No matter what Erin O'Toole tries to tell us.
28. Pierre Poilievre is Stephen Harper, Brett Wilson and Jason Kenney in a Vivian Krause trench coat.
29. Erin O'Toole likes to shotgun craft beerz after a long half-K run.

30. With vaccination rates across Canada going through the roof, Canadian retailers report a huge increase in orders for patio furniture and hard pants.
31. May has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt Canadians can pull together in a crisis. Despite Conservative governments.

32. Recovering nicely from my cerebral egg scrambling. So much Thank You for all for your concern, messages and best wishes.

Today I'll be having a frosty-cold beer or two in your honours.

Here's to your health, eh.

Here's to 𝘰𝘶𝘳 healths.