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Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

19 Jun, 13 tweets, 3 min read

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford announces Ontario pandemic response command table consulting with world-renowned pandemic experts Karla, Krista, Kyla, Kayla and Kara.
2. Rod Phillips appointed to LTC file. Announces LTC's will be closed over Christmas break.

3. Stephen Lecce demonstrates how large classes can be safe by redoubling layers of Photoshopped photos of students in fake Zoom classroom.
4. Lecce and MacLeod tweet thanks to Doug Ford for the honour of not being fired because people doing well in their jobs do that.

5. Christine Elliott stays on as Health Minister. Ford says now that pandemic is mostly under control she's totally qualified to run things.
6. Merrilee Fullerton moved to Children, Women and Social Services file after Ford decides Todd Smith wasn't ignoring file hard enough.

7. Kenney announces Alberta to reopen July 1st because that seems like a nifty date to reopen.
8. Kenney outraged people trying to cancel power-hungry old white men and also not happy about people messing with statues either.
9. Winston Churchill to Grand Marshal Stampede parade.

10. Annimae Paul says Trudeau and Freeland destroying Green Party because it poses greatest threat to Liberal government. Canadians respond with "Who?"
11. Trudeau checks into 3-star travel quarantine hotel in Ottawa, passes COVID test, checks out. Poilievre calls for Committee.

12. Bruce Springsteen announces AZ vax recipients not allowed to attend his first live concert. Says silverware and car keys stuck to their foreheads will set off metal detectors.
13. Pierre Poilievre finds a quarter on sidewalk. Harasses barista. Steals stir stick. Makes video.

14. Erin O'Toole's popularity with CPC supporters sinks to new low. Starts weekly support group with Scheer and Bernier.
15. O'Toole asks Doug Ford if he can store his fake RCAF jacket in the same cold storage facility Doug built on wetlands for his Commander Pandemic jacket.

16. Doug kicks off year-long election campaign by stating MZOs always used with municipalities' approval except in Toronto, Pickering and other places.
17. Ford demotes dissenting MPs after staffer explains what dissenting means.
18. Arthur tapped as new Minister of Graduations.

19. Conservatives continue year-long campaign to stop cancellation of statue-based history, quickly adding the stuff that happened at Residential Schools and in London was probably pretty bad too, yeah.
20. U.S. insists Canada reopen border. Oh, sorry, no. That was Rempel again.

21. Doug Ford announces although he didn't do anything for everyday Ontarians in his first term he will 1000% make that his number 1 priority if re-elected.
22. Stephen Lecce says schools will be much safer in September because vaccines will counter his apathy and inaction.

23. Rod Phillips spends entire weekend producing new Christmas Greetings video.
24. Insiders report Fullerton told Doug "I will not be spoken to or demoted that way, my King!"
25. Doug tells Oosterhoff he'll get his own Ministry once he's got his full G-class driver's licence.

26. Canada ranks top globally for percentage of doses administered, and now set to see everyone second dosed by end of July. Conservatives outraged. Say Trudeau promised that would happen on a Tuesday around 4:00 PM, not on a Thursday just after 11:00 AM as now planned.

27. A week of searching and a 2.5-hour round trip, but I finally scheduled a Muhdurnuh chaser for my AZ arm beer next week.

Fortunate to have a car and ability to take the time, but holy geez, after all that I sure better have a more magnetic personality.

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More from @mynamesnotgordy

Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

@mynamesnotgordy

6 Jun

What I learnt on the Twitter while trying to ignore it the last few weeks:

1. In Ontario, from the mouths of babes comes official government strategy
2. In Alberta, drinking cheap booze is a sign of taking personal responsibility
3. In Manitoba it's best to arrive stylishly late

4. Dr Hinshaw can't be sure about proximities in a photo unless she's there in the photo.
5. Dr Williams has decided to retire, now that Doug's neighbour's kids Bert and Ernie gave the okay to open golf courses.
6. Borders bad. Pop-ins at strangers' houses during lockdown okay.

7. In March, inside was good, outside was bad. In June, inside bad, last-minute province-wide graduation ceremonies good.
8. Toronto is an exciting, robust city. Until you visit game 7.
9. Lecce added to Ontario's Endangered Turtles list.
10. Arthur is polling better than Doug.

Read 14 tweets

Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

@mynamesnotgordy

16 May

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford to base all emergency health measures on what he sees when driving around in his truck, what his buddies are doing and how many planes fly over his house.
2. Ford says golf not source of virus spread; post-game barley pops is.

3. Ford says Trudeau had two jobs and he's not doing either. Ford outraged, says as a result he's not able to do his one job - cross-province campaigning.
4. Dr. David Williams says Ontarians who got AZ shot will probably maybe hopefully be mostly okay.

5. Lecce says classes in September will be held at local LCBOs since all stores already have closed circuit TV installed.
6. McNaughton says Ontario university too expensive so solution is for kids to become welders and get good-paying jobs building the 403/Doug Ford Expressway.

Read 14 tweets

Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

@mynamesnotgordy

9 May

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. After two weeks "working 24/7" in self-isolation Doug Ford returns to work to announce he's now laser focused on his re-election 14 months away.
2. Ford says "the buck stops with me." Usually in unmarked envelopes slid under his door.

3. Kenney reveals Alberta's new Covid-fighting slogan: Stop the Spike. Kenney says other slogans considered included: Given'r to the Flu, Wranglin' the Wuhan, and Immunity: Have You Herd?
4. Kenney says as a kid who grew up in Oakville no Albertan appreciates rodeo like he does.

5. Doug Ford launches his well-oiled campaign to communicate risk at the borders by tweeting a fabricated news article. Deletes tweet after people point out to Ford Comms team that CTV isn't spelled SEE-TV.
6. Lecce demands Feds stop all international flights into public schools.

Read 14 tweets

Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

@mynamesnotgordy

2 May

What I learnt on the Twitter whilst trying to ignore it all this week:

1. Ontario's Premier pops his head out from his self-isolation den, doesn't see his own shadow, predicts fourth wave for Ontario in six weeks.
2. Jason Kenney says Alberta experiences lockdowns differently.

3. Ford says people using airports to visit Ontario to go golfing, use playgrounds and camp on crown land and he's done his part now so the Feds need to step up.
4. Ontario's Auditor General says investigation reveals Ford government's iron ring around LTCs was used pool noodle.

5. Ford government changes stance after a year and votes for paid sick leave. Says Doug's two weeks of self-isolation taught them people need three days paid sick leave.
6. MPP Caroline Mulroney announces Ontario clamping down on stunt driving. That's it. That's the funny part.

Read 13 tweets

Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

@mynamesnotgordy

25 Apr

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Doug Ford insists Ontario's online vaccination is easy to use and his three Administrative Assistants and IT team booked his vaccination for him in no time at all.
2. After five days of hiding Doug Ford apologizes for acting too fast.

3. Trudeau government releases new budget and Erin O'Toole argues lack of personal unicorns for every Canadian is outrageous.
4. Federal budget offers much-needed childcare support subsidies. Kenney says Fed childcare funds will be used in Alberta to support orphaned oil wells.

5. Anti-lockdown groups hold protests in Toronto and Peterborough. Say lifesaving surgeries are being cancelled because people are faking Covid and demanding elective intubations.
6. OPC MPP Randy Hillier collects six-figure MPP salary for yelling misinformation and bible verses.

Read 14 tweets

Barney Panofsky's Best Intentions

@mynamesnotgordy

18 Apr

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. After a gruelling week of working his back off 24/7 Doug Ford closes golf courses and ban strippers from construction sites.
2. Ford government says science says Covid spreads rapidly in community playgrounds but not school playgrounds.

3. Doug Ford unveils his new Viradar™. Ford says the Ontario-made Viradar™ helps him detect co-vedd in playgrounds as he drives by.
4. Doug announces in Friday's presser "logging is essential work because that's where the aspirins come from."
5. Doug's disappointed in not Doug.

6. Friday Doug says playgrounds aren't safe. Saturday Doug announces children won't be tazed by OPP for using swings.
7. Sunday Lecce says schools are safe. Monday Doug says schools aren't safe. Tuesday Lecce says closing schools was part of the plan he never had until tomorrow.

Read 15 tweets

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