Thread by @maddiestone

This thread from ~yr ago was a turning point for me. Not because the harassment stopped, but because I finally no longer dealt with all this bs predominantly alone. As illogical & irrational as it is, I think I felt shame every time I received one of these messages. 1/x

https://twitter.com/maddiestone/status/1298995389563953163

*I* must have been doing something wrong, *I* must have been less than if all these people took the effort to say these things to me. If colleagues weren’t dealing with this, then *I* must be the problem. I’m *drama*. These were the quiet thoughts. 2/x

And while each time I came out of it knowing those thoughts were incorrect, it was exhausting & took capacity to process the messages and get to that point. Capacity & energy I would have much preferred to spend elsewhere...like maybe my actual work. 3/x

I recently re-read @BreneBrown ‘s “The Gifts of Imperfection” for the first time in many years & that’s when I finally realized what was going on and what changed. She says “Shame can’t survive being spoken. It craves secrecy, silence, & judgement” 4/x

Last August, I was in a good place & thus when I received those messages, I got angry instead of sad. (Ya anger takes strength for me 🤷🏽‍♀️) So I voiced it, knowing others were likely experiencing it too. Unexpectedly, I found a weight lifted off my shoulders. 5/x

Your kind messages mattered. My teammates & leads showed up. I got everything I didn’t know I actually needed. I learned that when it really hits a nerve, I don’t need to handle it alone. I can rely on other people to tell me it’s bullshit & needing/wanting that isn't “weak”. 6/x

But it turns out it rarely started hitting a nerve. Despite the msgs continuing, the shame & the energy requirements became less & less. So I guess this to say: if you’re in the position, voice it--to 20k of your closest friends & trolls or just to your person--it can help. 7/x

Don’t go about it alone. I’m happy to be that for you too if you need someone. 💕 And folks who aren’t dealing with this shit, call it out. It truly does matter. Whether it’s 1:1 to your work colleague or writing a reply to a tweet. We see it, hear it, & it matters. 8/8

PS Highly recommend "The Gifts of Imperfection" by @BreneBrown