Thread by @mykola

This is a good question, what’s the difference between masking and simply using social skills that are maybe harder to learn?

Masking to me involves fear - a fear of being perceived as a fraud, a poser behind social skills, maybe? There’s an edge.

https://twitter.com/DexDavican/status/1408853952779763721

I’m having Interesting Thoughts based on some excellent replies.

What if what we call masking is a response to dealing with shame, and autistic people mask so much because we are taught to literally be ashamed of who we are?

Everyone masks a little, maybe. But we hide so much.

My advice to people who want to stop masking has long been “your shame is a map to those parts of yourself you were taught to hate, and so need more love.”

What if it IS that simple? Autistic trauma leads to toxic shame leads to masking.

(But also: we learn to mask to avoid being beat up or abused, so there’s another layer. Hiding that shame becomes life and death to us.)

And because there’s been so little research about autism and trauma beyond “hmm, y’all seem traumatized” we don’t have the studies to look into this.

Uh, any grad students looking for an autism research project? Trauma, shame and masking: the silent killers of autistic people.

This is a HUGE part of it. Where is the motivation centered? Is it to make some sort of progress towards your own goals, or is to avoid consequences as you stand still?

https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1408868693166018560

I love this. Masking is hiding, social skills towards your own ends are seeking.

The lines can blur, obviously. But are you moving towards something or moving away from something? Acting out of love, or acting out of fear?

Masking is fear.

https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1408869247405629441

Thanks, friends. As a result of this interaction I've finally understood that a huge problem I've been struggling with is an inability to process shame.

I thought I was passed my shame, but I'm not, I just hid the hard stuff in a corner of my head.

The emotional breakdowns I keep having happen every time I have a conversation that tries to address the things that make me feel shame. I feel trapped, I panic, and I can't mask. And so my emotions completely overwhelm me, I start sobbing, I can't continue the interaction.

It's just fucking shame. I'm ashamed of some fuckups in the past that I haven't addressed and I've had a hard time even thinking about them. I wonder if now that I realize this it'll be easier for me to make progress?

I have grown so much thanks to the friends I've made on disability twitter. I've learned so much from other #actuallyAutistic and #adhd people in particular, and I can't imagine that I'd be anywhere near where I am in my healing process without this ongoing group therapy session.