My ADHD (dopamine processing disorder) affects my ability to be happy. Pain sticks with me; loss, anguish, loneliness, longing, those I feel today as strongly as I did when I was hurt. Happiness I can’t seem to remember, or retain. I know it has happened, but it’s not “with” me.
My relationships with animals are so important, because I don’t feel my RSD with Bosco. RSD is part of my ADHD that makes me feel like everyone hates me, and they should, because I’m unbearable. Bosco is my best friend because people scare me.
Losing him now, is honestly an all time low, because I don’t have much that makes me feel ok. I am in such a happiness deficit that I want to die. Not suicidal, I just don’t care to exist.
I’ve stopped taking my meds, dieting, exercising, or even wanting to engage on here.
I’ve stopped taking my meds, dieting, exercising, or even wanting to engage on here.
Because everyday I’m realizing more and more, how painful, and miserable life is, and how everything I love will die.
He’s barely moving today.
He’s barely moving today.
I’m just exhausted from loss. Absolutely worn down to a nub. This is a section of the year when I can’t stop thinking about my sister and dad and other loved ones, that I’ll never see again. And he was just always with me, through it all, and now I’m losing him.
I can’t even feel comfortable crying in front of my husband and kids because I feel awkward and like I’m making them uncomfortable. So I’m in the restroom trying to just stop crying.
Get control of yourself, dogs die, it’s just what dogs do. You’re a grown woman for god’s sake. Just ovary up and handle it… I keep saying to myself, while bawling.
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