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David Burge Profile picture
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3 Aug, 5 tweets, 2 min read
I'm no marketing expert, but I think they should have tested the "America is back" campaign with some Vietnamese focus groups first
@AdamBaldwin got some big news for you buddy

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
5 Aug
Stop trying to make "Latinx" happen, it's not gonna happen
I would pay good money for some woke grievance studies major from Ithaca College to go into Jesse Colunga's lowrider shop in East Austin and explain that they're now all Latinxes
Properly understood, this is a modern day version of colonialism / cultural imperialism, plied by a priestly caste imposing proper language on the benighted natives over whom they assume reign. The Woke Man's Burden, if you will.
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
4 Aug
How many branches of government are we up to now?

By my count I've got Executive, Legislative, Judicial, CDC, Twitter, Randi Weingarten, Amtrak, NPR, and Hair Club For Men, let me know if I'm forgetting anyone
If they ever do a reboot of Schoolhouse Rock, it's gonna be really fucking complicated
Read 4 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
1 Aug
*knock knock*

"Congratulations sir! Your city has been chosen as grand prize winner of a genuine National Football League team!"

"Huh, I didn't enter any contest. Why?"

"Because Buffalo won't build me a free stadium."

*SLAM*

I am proud that Austin is the largest city in the USA without an NFL, MLB, NBA, or NHL franchise, and I aim to keep it that way
if the price tag is another f'ing stadium, there is no way Austin will allow the Bills to come to Austin
Read 7 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
1 Aug
Welcome to the dog days of August from #DavesCarIDService Image
*The running board kennel on the 1926-27 Ford Model T roadster pickup was called the "Bird Dog Palace." Made in Golden City MO, this $17.50 accessory was a handy item to keep Fido cool and entertained on the way to the duck blind. Alas, it went out with running boards. ImageImage
Before commencing today's car ID thread, another gentle reminder of our guidelines for anyone who'd like me to solve an old car mystery: Image
Read 40 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
28 Jul
I can't believe these whiney wuss quitters at the Olympics. Why, back when I was nearly co-captain of the JV bowling team in '83, we wouldn't DREAM of asking Coach Kramergesic to take a breather just because of a severed spinal cord or beheading
BREAKING: Uncle Rico drives van to Simone Biles's house, demands refund, launches into tale of how he toughed it out in the '82 Class 2-B state quarterfinals
Just to be clear I wish Simone Biles well, and to let her know that according to my latest financial records she owes me nothing
Read 9 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
28 Jul
I vehemently dispute Welch's "good person" slander

I'm actually a nasty old antisocial hermit IRL, but IDing old cars helps me control the symptoms. There are surprising therapeutic benefits to tweeting about stuff that brings you joy rather than stuff that brings you anger. Some of you should try it sometime
I don't know if IDing some rando's grandpa's 1946 Hudson counts as "making the world a better place," but it makes me feel like Albert Schweitzer compared to the average account on this godforsaken garbage site
Read 4 tweets

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