Thread by @ResilienttHuman

How to Handle EXTREME Emotions and Prevent Regrets

(Psychological tools to protect yourself when your emotional brain loses control)

= THREAD =

Your emotional brain is 6 BILLION TIMES more active than your thinking brain.

So when extreme emotions happen, they hijack your thinking brain.

You lose the ability to think straight.

The result?

You end up ashamed, embarrassed and plagued with regret.

What can you do about that?

Here are some healthy ways to deal with your strong emotions:

TL;DR

1. Pause and take a breather
2. Label your emotions
3. Discover the ‘Why’ of your emotion
4. Spoil yourself a little with Mood Boosters
5. Bring your feelings to the real world
6. Choose how you want to react

Let's dig in...

1. Pause and take a breather

When you feel intense and extreme emotions rising, here’s what you do first:

- Stop.
- Take a pause.
- Breathe in deep.
- Visualize the breathes rising deep from your belly.

Hold your breath for a count of three, then let it out slowly.

You will find this difficult.

You will feel you are in danger.

You will feel the urge to fight or flight.

But resist that urge.

Remember that you are not in control right now.

If you react now, you will regret it later.

2. Label your emotions

What exactly are you feeling now?

Hint: “I’m feeling terrible” is not a valid answer.

Are you nervous? Disappointed? Sad?

Before changing how you feel, you have to know what is it that you want to change.

So try to be as clear and precise as you can.

3. Discover the ‘Why’ of your emotion.

Your emotions are neutral messengers.

They are here to give you clues.

Your job is to use the clues to decode your emotions and solve the mystery.

You want to bring control back and get the thinking brain engaged.

How to do that?

3a. Do a wellness inventory check

Maybe you are hungry, dehydrated, or just tired?

Here's what you can do:

- Grab something nutritious to eat.
- Drink a glass of water.
- Take a shower.
- Take a nap.

Still no good?

Then here's what you can do...

3b. Dig deeper while staying present.

Do not swing back to the past or predict the future.

Instead, try to think rationally.

What’s unique about the current situation that made you upset?

Get your thinking circuits engaged.

Your strong emotions will lose their hold over you

4. Spoil yourself a little with Mood Boosters

When you’re feeling extreme emotions, you need a distraction first.

What are your to-go happy activities?

It can be:

- Going for a walk
- Meditate for a few minutes
- Listen to uplifting music
- Reading a book
- Talking to a friend or a loved one
- Creating a gratitude list
- Writing a story or a poem
- Playing with play-doh
- Drawing and painting

Distract yourself.

But only until the intensity of your emotions lowers to a manageable limit.

5. Bring your feelings to the real world

Now the fun part begins.

This is where you make your emotions something real.

Unleash them upon the world.

But how do you do that?

Pick your choice:

- Draw how you’re feeling.
- Punch and scream into a pillow
- Write about how you feel in your journal.
- Engage in exercise, martial art, or dancing.
- Write an F-bomb laden letter to someone. Then rip the letter into pieces and burn it.

You’ll feel the tide ebbing slowly.

Your emotions are now out of your system.

You now know what has been bothering you.

Now you’ll figure out how best to respond keeping in mind your goals and your personal values.

6. Choose how you want to react

By now you should’ve wrestled the control from your feeling brain.

Now let the thinking brain do its job.

Think.

Ask yourself “what’s the solution?”

How can you take back control?

Has someone’s behavior upset you?

Talk to them using this template:

“When you <do this>, then <this happens>, and I feel <what you feel>. I’d prefer <if you do this>”

You are not at the mercy of your emotions anymore.

You will find plenty of options are available to you.

Managing extreme emotions can feel impossible.

But that doesn’t mean it's impossible.

But this isn’t a skill you pick up over a weekend.

This is a practice that you build through continuous effort and discipline.

Keep going and it and soon you’ll start reaping the benefits.

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