How to Deal with Overbearing Parents

The graveyard of dreams is guarded by overbearing parents.

Parents are responsible for their children to grow into happy, healthy, and decent human beings.

But some parents struggle to relinquish the reins.

They try to control their children's lives.
Whether you're a teenager, a young adult, or a middle-aged person, overbearing parents leave scars.

So how to handle these controlling parents?

We will get there.

But before going there, let's talk about the things that overbearing parents do:
- They criticize you about trivial things.
- They threaten to hurt you or hurt themselves to have their way
- They put conditions on love and acceptance.
- They keep score of your past mistakes
- They use guilt as a weapon.
- They spy on you and don't respect your privacy.
Here's how you can deal with them:

1. Understand their need
2. Stop pleasing them
3. Accept reality
4. Set Boundaries
5. Be Assertive
6. Show your growth
7. Cut down exposure
8. Become independent
9. No to emotional blackmail
10. Accept Responsibility
11. Let Go of Grudges
1. Understand the Need for Control

Parents overbear for many reasons:

- Being a parent can be their whole identity.
- they can be worried or anxious about you.
-It can be their own insecurities and low self-esteem.

Understanding them helps you become more objective.
2. Let go of Your Need to Please

It's natural to want to please your parents.

Recognize that urge.

Stand down when it comes at the cost of yourself.

Try to build the best life for yourself.

Not the one that pleases your parents the most.

3. Stop Wishing They Would Change

Accept reality.

These are your parents.

No amount of wishing can change their behavior.

The only thing you can do is to work on yourself.

So that one day you can have a healthier relationship with them.
4. Set Boundaries

Set firm boundaries.

State what you will and won't accept.

State the consequences.

Follow through with them when boundaries are violated.

Tell them why it's important to them.

Here's more on that:
5. Learn to be Assertive

Assertiveness is the art of saying what you want, need, think and feel but without causing any drama.

This is the best communication tool available to you.

Commit to learning it.

This might help:
6. Show that You are Fine on Your Own

Over-parenting isn’t always an evil plot to control your life.

It arises from genuine concern.

Identify what your parents worry about the most.

Address that concern and the overbearing goes away.

It's a win-win for both of you.
7. Cut Down the Time Spent with Them

Create some distance.

Your parents might get upset and lash out..

Don't get defensive or give too much explanation.

Stay respectful yet firm.

Ironically, cutting down time often improves the quality of the relationship.
8. Become Financially Independent

Controlling parents are hard to deal with.

It becomes even more difficult if you live with them and are financially dependent on them.

After all - their house, their rules.

Try to change the status quo as soon as possible.
9. Don't Give in to Emotional Blackmail

Parents often weaponize their children's love and use it to browbeat their children.

Recognize when this happens.

Don't give in.

Remind yourself that you are a grown-up.

You don't have to fall for those tricks again.
10. Accept Responsibility for your Actions.

You are responsible for how you respond to your parents.

Or you can choose to be angry and escalate the situation.

Or you can choose to be calm and respectful.

Choose the one which is in your best interest.
11. Let Go of the Grudges

Holding on to anger or grudges feels justified.

But it never serves any purpose.

It drains your energy.

You may have every right to stay angry at your parents.

But that isn't in your best interest.

Have your own back.

Let go of your grudges.
You are not helpless.

Commit to learning how to deal with them.

Practice what you want to say to them.

Visualize yourself saying it in a calm and controlled manner.

Take steps to become healthy, strong, and grounded.

You will come out with flying colors.
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Then follow me (@resilientthuman) for more such content.

Or join my newsletter for an even more nuanced and in-depth take.

No B.S and fillers. Only actionable advice 👇
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