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Steve Cuss

13 Sep, 14 tweets, 2 min read

I get asked a lot 'how do I know I'm not ok?'

It is actually an excellent question. Leaders and care givers can often be the last one to know that they are not ok.

Some tangible things to look for, a thread.

1/

1. You can measure your level of reactivity. Reactivity goes up when calm goes down and vice versa.

You're paying attention to reaction time (0-100 right away) AND duration (ruminating for hours or days.)

2/

2. Check your shock absorbers. Are more things than usual getting to you? Are you more easily offended by a wider number of people and topics?

Might be that you are 'bottoming out' over more bumps in the road.

3/

3. Check your gaps.

We all manage a gap between what we believe about God and what we experience with God.

I believe faith is what bridges that gap, but still, too long in a gap or too big a gap can cause damage.

A lot of people deconstructing right now. Giant gaps.

4/

4. Pressure check.

Check internal and external pressures: the ones you’re generating and the ones coming at you.

Are they true? Do you need to carry them? What happens if you press the relief valve? Can someone else carry? Can you let it drop?

5/

You're measuring these 4 through:

1. Your own awareness.
2. Feedback from people who love you.
3. God's promptings.

6/

It really can be surprising how often you need #2. You think you know, but sometimes it is the people around you who know before you do.

7/

Ok, so if you're reading this thread and your reaction is D'OH!

It is ok. You can take action. It isn't easy, it is brave, but also it is simple.

8/

1. Pause. SLOW DOWN.

The biggest mistake people make is pushing through.

Danger, Will Robinson.

Pausing takes anywhere from 30 seconds to a week.

Not bad, really. And your soul is worth the time investment.

And really, usually a few minutes can get you a ways.

9/

2. Can you name where anxiety is in your body?

Your body is trying to tell you the truth. Listen to it and believe it.

a) Spinning mind
b) Racing heart
c) Tightening gut.

10/

Spinning mind requires a non thinking practice. Exercise, laughter, music, something that eases the thinking pressure.

Racing heart requires exercise to help the adrenaline stabilize.

Tightening body requires exercise, slow breathing or thinking/prayer.

11/

2. Can you name a false belief or false assumption?

What is true? Can you exchange the truth for that lie?

12/

3. Can you displace reactivity with what is true about God and what is true about you?

You are exactly human sized and that is all God has ever expected from you.

13/

4. Can you displace with a life giving habit or person?

There are deeper tools - the ability to notice recurring patterns of thinking and behavior, family of origin assumptions etc, but they go beyond the bounds of twitter.

You are worth the time and effort. Much love.

14/14

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More from @stevecusswords

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

14 Sep

Differentiation of Self is a 'cornerstone concept' of Systems Theory, to coin a phrase from Dr Roberta Gilbert.

I used to think it was 4 things at once. But recently I have added a 5th thing that I think it REALLY important

A brief thread.

1/

The original 4 things at once:
1. Managing your reactivity from erupting into others.
2. Not catching the reactivity coming at you.
3. Staying emotionally connected to the person.
4. Clarifying your own values and convictions.

2/

Now with the 5th:

1. Managing your reactivity from erupting into others.
2. Not catching the reactivity coming at you.
3. Staying emotionally connected to the person.
4. Clarifying your own values and convictions.
5. Aligning your values and conviction with reality.

3/

Read 13 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

11 Sep

Ted Lasso S2E8.

"Multi Generation Transmission Process" is one of the 8 core concepts of Systems Theory.

We all inherit asset and liability traits from our family of origin. What isn't processed is transmitted. Differentiation is most difficult within families.

1/

Roy is on a journey of making sense of what he has inherited and what he wants to pass down. His vulnerable chat with Phoebe is (IMO) up there with the Dart Scene from S1 as one of the great TL scenes.

2/

Roy grapples with sharing the worst of himself with her. She blesses the best of him and he is able to receive it because he has been on a multi episode journey of self reflection and opening his heart. Roy is moving from detached to differentiation and emotionally connected.
3/

Read 15 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

10 Sep

@YvetteCherry20

Alrighty Fellow, Bipeds, thanks to @YvetteCherry20 for the nudge and by popular request:

Systems Theory fleshed out in Ted Lasso.

1/

1. Opening sequence. 'Health infects ill health.' Ted sits down on a blue chair in the football stadium. All chairs covered in graffiti. Ted's 'health' slowly spreads out as chairs clean up and change color.

Marcus Mumford joyfully sings an extended 'yeeeahhh.'

2/

2. Ted being exactly human sized.

Press conference. Ted doesn't know how many periods in a game, what to call the pitch, what offside is.

The mob is incensed. He is who he is without catching their anxiety.

3/

Read 27 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

9 Sep

Differentiation on the screen.

At first it is easier to see Differentiation of Self than it is to practice it. It takes training and can feel conceptual, so seeing it in action can help.

Here are a few examples from TV and Movies

but first....

1/

Differentiation is 4 things at once:
1. Managing your reactivity from erupting into others.
2. Not catching the reactivity coming at you.
3. Staying emotionally connected to the person.
4. Clarifying your own values and convictions.

2/

Ted Lasso.

S2: Keely is differentiated. She attaches to others, but is not enmeshed in them. She manages Jamie, Roy and Roy's niece with compassion even when they come at her highly anxious.

She is a calm presence.

(A minor setback in E7)

3/

Read 13 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

9 Aug

Three ways to lower leadership anxiety:

1) Pause.

Leaders too often 'push through.' We are others focused, vision focused. Some of this is selfless, most of it is fool hardy.

When you notice your reactivity rising, you can stop and tend to yourself, notice God.

1/

2. Locate the anxiety.

Where is it in you? Spinning mind, racing heart, tightening body?

Anxiety is usually obsessed over one thing or one person.

Beware '3rd space' anxiety - the space inside the other person.

2/

When you're thinking, 'what are they thinking' or 'what do they think of me?' You are in 3rd space.

Locate it, trust that person to God. Move on with your life.

Easier tweeted than done. But you can stop the incessant spinning today.

3/

Read 14 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

22 Jul

A quick reminder of some basics of Systems Theory.

1. Chronic Anxiety spreads in 4 spaces.
2. God exists and moves freely in those 4 spaces.
3. Anxiety tends to block our awareness of God.
4. Awareness of God's presence and goodness tends to cast out anxiety.

1/

Chronic anxiety is a specific form of anxiety. It is generated by:

- False belief.
- False need.
- Assumptions.

Other forms of anxiety: PTSD, Grief, Generalized Anxiety, act differently and require different tools - often specialized professional attention and medicine.

2/

So expecting the tools for Chronic Anxiety to help, say, PTSD won't work.

However....

Chronic anxiety is the most common and pervasive form of anxiety flooding leaders and parents.

We carry SO MUCH pressure, expectation, assumption.

3/

Read 19 tweets

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