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19 Sep, 5 tweets, 1 min read
I bookmarked this a week ago because I got trash brain and thought it would be funny to dunk on and you know what it is funny to dunk on
we still gotta play michigan state, michigan, ohio state, and iowa, plus whatever sneaky good teams like indiana and maryland show up but thanks auburn for the warm-up
got no clue how this team can possibly get through the rest of this schedule but if they do it and have wisconsin on the road and auburn as wins on top of it that’s the best resume in college football
this game will be like watching two guys drown each other in a lake of play doh and feature exotic scores like 5-2 and 16-19
also: sean clifford is… really good?

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More from @KT_So_It_Goes

kilgore trout, ron desantis spokesperson Profile picture
20 Sep
the fascination with kid-gloving trump supporters like they’re some sort of alien species journalists are on safari to see continues and meanwhile nobody wants to ask biden voters about their perspectives because it’s boring tv
I mean in a way it’s a brilliant hack of traditional media’s total compulsion to both sides any dynamic they encounter. “we get to behave as total deranged morons and they can’t say anything because they need us to be their counterpoint”
this clip is pure gold, they even admit they’re embarrassed to say what sort of shit they’re into. they are totally aware it’s berserk and contemptible. they’re ashamed to be honest. but oh isn’t it quaint they’re in a train and so polite this would make a charming postcard
Read 10 tweets
kilgore trout, ron desantis spokesperson Profile picture
20 Sep
you know, no one asked, but someone’s gotta say something about how these amazon football “stats” are the analytics equivalent of reading chicken bones in a cauldron and making people’s football brains even stupider. as long as I’m ranting win percentage is absolute garbage
please stop writing pointless formulas just because you have bits of data and the ability to stick them in equations and give them ecstasy and make them dance to techno. they communicate nothing of use. it is an affront to actual analytics.
if you get football you should absolutely do a one-time experiment and carve time out to watch a game side-by-side with the win percentage every play of the game. it’s objectively hilarious.
Read 5 tweets
kilgore trout, ron desantis spokesperson Profile picture
18 Sep
1/6 turned violent largely because rioters correctly assumed trump would happily pardon any crimes but incorrectly assumed he’d be in any position to do so. take that element away & add in the element of “oh shit who is a fed” and you have real problems executing these events
ta daaaaaaaaa 30-1
this is a very good illustration of how dangerous presidential pardon power is -one man able to singlehandedly turn justice on its head- and why stripping it down to the bone would go along way in arresting our path to authoritarianism
Read 5 tweets
kilgore trout, ron desantis spokesperson Profile picture
17 Sep
how do numbers mean ImageImage
I think that dude is a radiologist which must make for some wild dosing adventures
the k stands for keep up the good work
Read 4 tweets
kilgore trout, ron desantis spokesperson Profile picture
17 Sep
last night after midnight the spokesperson for ron desantis had eight or nine wines and tried to dunk on me for a nine month old tweet and she got trapped in a”you mad bro” feedback loop and disappeared and I am still dying I love this website
anyway I am now the spokesperson for ron desantis and I ask you direct all questions about why his state is a national embarrassment to me
I know I’m gonna field this question a lot so let me get it out of the way right out of the gate: “the governor adores president trump and in no way *STAGE COUGH* does he hope desperately every day that president trump drop dead so the governor can win the nomination *WINK*”
Read 18 tweets
kilgore trout, ron desantis spokesperson Profile picture
17 Sep
the biggest loser energy you have ever seen
harper & wheeler & JT deserve to go play someplace where they’re not surrounded by absolute petulant losers and constantly forced to pretend they’re not miserable about it while cloaking a really shitty team in a veneer of perplexing mediocrity
there will never be a better opportunity to unload this contract and give the dude a chance to play for an organization that doesn’t suck from top to bottom and needs its third rebuild in ten years
Read 4 tweets

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