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4 Oct, 10 tweets, 2 min read
MINI THREAD: "It's impossible for a MAGA to be a Christian."

1) Jesus was a mighty smart feller. He was able to condense 1.5 millennia's worth of Judaic law into 2 simple sentences...
2) "Jesus replied: ’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
3) This is bad news for MAGAs, because loyalty to Trump and Trumpism makes it IMPOSSIBLE to adhere to these two simple litmus tests of Christianity.
4) First, a MAGA can not "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul" because Trump won't allow it. Remember the crazy Trump supporter that said he'd believe Trump over Jesus even if the Messiah “got off the cross” and said the allegations were true?
5) Like some crazed Methbilly Messiah, Trump demands "there be no other Gods before me." Like Jesus said, "You can not serve two masters. Either you will hate the one (God) and love the other." (Trump)
6) The second commandment of Christianity is even harder for MAGAs, "Love your neighbor as yourself." MAGAs believe "Do unto others that look like me. The rest? Not so much."
7) The White Supremacy at the base of all Trumpism disqualifies anyone from bein' a legitimate Christian, because Jesus specifically revealed in the Parable of the Good Samaritan that your neighbor includes those of different races, creeds and ideologies.
8) This ain't judgement, friends. These are facts. What more powerful condemnation than to be disqualified by their own book?
9) It's time for Trumpers to dig out their dusty bibles and discover the cold hard truth that they, like the wayward Children of Israel, have fashioned for themselves a golden calf and have prostrated themselves before it.
10) For if not, one day they will surely hear the words from their Creator's lips, "‘I tell you I do not know you. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity.’ <Tea out>

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12 Sep
MINI-THREAD

1) Yesterday, Tea Pain went to the 9/11 ceremony up at Big Cedar Lodge on Table Rock Lake in Branson, MO. While he was up in that neck of the woods, he decided to make his semi-annual trek to the holiest-of-holies of outdoor stores: Bass Pro Shop up in Springfield.
2) Tea's gonna share a little secret with ya. If you're a fisherman, don't waste your time and money goin' in the big store where you'll pay 5 bucks for a pack of 8 worms or 9 dollars for a single crank bait, no sir! Drive around the corner of the complex to the...
3) ...Catalog Outlet Store. That's where the smart money goes. Every time Tea goes in, he buys every purple worm they got in the bulk plastic department. It's like a bulk candy Store for anglers, where you buy your plastic baits for $6.00 a pound. That a little less than...
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10 Sep
MINI-THREAD

1) Tea Pain's gonna make a bold statement. 9/11 and Jan 6th are inseparably linked.
2) Think about it for a second. On 9/11, a group of religious extremists attacked New York City and our nation's capitol. 9/11 fueled the anti-Muslim radicalization that infected the far-right, which was later adopted as a Tea Party mantra.
3) The Tea Party was co-opted and further radicalized as MAGA by the Trump movement, culminatin' with a Muslim Ban. With Trump at the rudder, he steered this flamin' rage-barge in a lazy 180 degree circle until that hatred was turned away from Muslims and back on America itself.
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22 Aug
1) Tea Pain loves fishin' more than life itself, but sadly he ain't been since Trump got elected in 2016. Now that Joe Biden's in the White House takin' care of business, Tea thought it was time to treat himself, so he and his good friend Dewey Oyler headed up to Table Rock Lake.
2) There ain't nothin' better than to unplug from the interwebs and spend a day in a boat communin' with nature with nothin' but a rod, a reel and a cooler of PBR. But the best thing about about the lake is that it's a great way to get away from politics. Or so Tea thought.
3) There we was, out on this rocky point, pullin' in largemouth and spotted bass like takin' twenties outta an ATM. The beer was cold, the fishin' was hot and all was right with the world...that is until the world's biggest floatin' boom box came round the bend.
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14 Aug
MINI-THREAD:

1) When Tea Pain was a little boy, Tea's neighbor's to the West were the Whittens. Their 9 kids were usually poorly dressed, barefoot and always in trouble in school. Their daddy was Jimmy Whitten, a part-time mechanic and full-time alcoholic.
2) Tea recalls this one time he was playin' at the Whittens with their boys near their daddy's shed where he was workin' on a old car he could never seem to get runnin'. Tea was standin' near the taillights and could smell the Johnny Walker comin' from under the hood.
3) Jimmy Whitten had a habit of talkin' to anyone that would listen and he button-holed little Tea and started spewin' whatever came into his pure grain brain. "You know what?", Jimmy wheezed, his eyes lookin' like pickled eggs. "Adolf Hitler was a great man."
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Tea Pain Profile picture
7 Aug
MINI-THREAD:

1) This week the MAGA feller that proclaimed he was “glad” he caught COVID died a miserable death at the hands of the deadly virus.

This is a tragic indictment of downward trajectory Trump put half our nation on.
2) How did we get to a point where a livin’, breathin’ human bein’ can be ecstatic about contractin’ a deadly disease that ends in such a miserable demise? The answer may be simpler than you think.
3) Used to be folks in this country agreed on lotsa stuff, like family, supportin’ our troops, modern medicine, education and respectin’ the rule of law, but now we got one political party cheerin’ low vaccination rates and makin’ policy guaranteein’ COVID is free to spread.
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Tea Pain Profile picture
18 Jul
MINI-THREAD on Trumpism:

1) After 4 years of embarassin' failures and gettin' wiped out in 2020, why does Trumpism still appeal to Republicans? Tea believes we'll understand it better if we break things down into their essence.
2) Trumpism ain't a doctrine. It's an act, and it's actions can be distilled down into three basic categories.

a. Ignorance
b. Racism
c. Cruelty
3) Remember when Trump said "We love the poorly educated?" Nate Lunder is one of the most ignorant men here in Gizzard Ridge. Needless to say, Nate is massive Trump supporter. Nate brags regularly that he's 47 years old and has never left Fartlett county. Tea would wager...
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