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David Burge Profile picture
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5 Oct, 4 tweets, 1 min read
If you can't trust a company named Evil Ape selling NFTs, then I don't know who to trust
Thank God I invested all my money in the Ape-a-Life pyramid of success system. These live monkeys sell themselves!

Hit me up if you want to learn more about starting your own monkey distribution distributorships, I've got a whole storage shed of monkeys ready to sell
Wait... the spending millions on NFTs part *wasn't* the scam?

vice.com/en/article/y3d…+
I spent $1200 on the Brooklyn Bridge. And then I got scammed

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More from @iowahawkblog

David Burge Profile picture
7 Oct
Nothing sends NBC News on a 5-alarm scramble for the Journalismobile like <checks notes> a disapproving tweet from an account with 1,027 followers
@PronounsMatter69420987654321: Dave Chappelle hurt my feelings

3.2 seconds later: Image
Unfortunately for Twitter activists, Dave Chappelle and JK Rowling have both been inoculated with the miracle vaccine Fuck-You Money
Read 9 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
26 Sep
Latest #CFBMarbleGame rankings are out: ND now #1, 3-way SEC tie at #2 with Alabama, Georgia & Arkansas
*brief reminder of the rules:

Every P5 team (+Notre Dame & BYU) starts with 200 marbles, all other FBS team starts with 100.

Beat an opponent at home or neutral site, take 20% of their marbles; beat an opponent on the road, take 25% of their marbles.
example: Iowa has 321 marbles (#9) and UMD has 289 marbles (#15). They play at UMD Friday night.

If Iowa wins they take away 72 of UMD's marbles and jump (temporarily at least) to #1.

If UMD wins they will take 64 of Iowa's marbles and jump (temporarily at least) to #2.
Read 6 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
26 Sep
Today's episode of #DavesCarIDService is brought to you by the all new 1956 Gaylord Gladiator. Visit your local dealer today and get inside a Gaylord!
yes it was real and spectacular, a project of the Gaylord brothers of Chicago whose father invented the bobby pin. They spent their bobby pin inheritance on bringing this $17k ($200k in 2021 money) dream car to market, but it never really made it past prototype stage.
They actually contracted Zeppelin of Germany (yes the Hindenburg people) to make the bodies, and they ran Cadillac 365 engines. Only 3 were ever made, and the only customers King Farouk and Hollywood star Dick Powell. After production issues and lawsuits, Gaylord was kaput.
Read 34 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
25 Sep
Happy 97th World LSR anniversary to Malcolm Campbell and the Sunbeam Bluebird from #DavesCarIDService. Powered by a 350 HP Sunbeam V12 aircraft engine, they set a land speed record of 146 mph on this date in 1924 at Pendine Sands, UK.
Apologies to readers as I have been traveling of late and shirking my car ID duties. But please keep those family album mystery car photos coming - and remember to use the #DavesCarIDService hashtag.
Always delighted to help out my ol' pal @TracesofTexas. The late model creampuffs here (L-R) are 1950 Olds, 1951 Studebaker, 1950 Olds, 1950 Plymouth, 1951 Olds, 1950 Cadillac. Flanking the Plymouth to rear are 1947 Chevy & 1947 Cadillac.
Read 33 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
24 Sep
and then he called his mama, combed some Brylcreem in his hair and tossed a pizza in a sleeveless t-shirt
Wondering if I could grab a woman's ass and shrug it off to my hot Iowa blood
Ciao, baby, how about you and me go to Hy-Vee on my John Deere and pick up a 6 pack of Natty Light, we could talk about the weather or something Image
Read 5 tweets
David Burge Profile picture
24 Sep
Important announcement from the Oregon State Prom Chaperone
*please note: this does NOT mean you can be closer than 6 inches during slow dances
Oregon: the only state where you need government permission to kiss, and have to ask for a station attendant to pump the gasoline for your Molotov cocktails
Read 5 tweets

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